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female
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*uby_candy
writes: Ok I have an even bigger problem now…my feelings for my best friend have come back and even stronger. The problem is all my friends see that my boyfriend treats me like sh** now. He seems to think I’ll never leave him and no matter what promises he makes me he never keeps them. Now, I’m totally confused. When me and my boyfriend are together I don’t feel anything anymore, in fact when he touches me I feel guilty and think about my best friend. I just feel like maybe I should move out on my on and restart on my own…for myself. But I’m scared everybody will hate me. His family, my friends (which are all my boyfriend’s friends) and everybody else. Plus, it’s been so long since I’ve been on my own I’ve become dependent and I never wanted that to happen. Should I give myself time and when my boyfriend is over me try things with my best friend if I still have feelings for him?
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female
reader, ruby_candy +, writes (5 July 2006):
ruby_candy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice guys...the thing is that my best friend is also my boyfriend's best friend..so it complicated...plus he told me he had feelings for me too...We both agreed we weren't going to do anything until i'm broken up and even then i told him i needed to stay friends a bit to see if the feelings were just because of my problems with my boyfriend...but i'm scared of moving on my own...it's just a matter of knowing when to break it off with my boyfriend and saving money to move out...
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female
reader, totally-yummy +, writes (5 July 2006):
first off.
no one would ever hate you for ending it with your boyfriend if he's treating you like crap. Also, if you don't feel anything for him anymore that's also a good reason to end it. Still going out with him is just cruel && people will dislike you more if they find that out!!
now the best friend thing. pretty common. when ever i get close to guys i end up falling for them. some people say they never work, but it totally could. just talk to him about it. say it might be your just so close that the feelings are there through that. don't feel hurt if he thinks it's a bad idea. it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. but guys like having close friends too!!
hope this helps
xxx33
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 You need to stand on your own two feet then look around the world and decide what you want.
It sounds like your boyfriend has monopolized your life and superseded your friends and family with his. This is type of controlling behavior is one of the first signs of an abuser. An abuser starts subtly and no matter how many promises they continually get worse and the only way to stop them is they have to get help. Often that does happen when someone they loves leaves them and they have a wake-up call and get help.
Often when a person is in a situation where the feelings of drowning in murky emotional waters persist they look for a life preserver. Which is what it sounds like you were doing with your boyfriend and best friend.
So leave this boyfriend of yours, it is for his own good. Stand on your own two feet and learn to love the feeling that you can stand on your own two feet. Then investigate the feelings with your best friend. If the feelings have dropped back to just friendship then your feelings were just being heightened with the intense need for a rescue out of a bad situation, if they haven't changed go for it.
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