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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I want some honest help as to whether im overreacting to something that happened this evening.I've been in a relationship for 3 years with this guy and he's helped me no end overcome some trust issues that were holding me back. I'm only his third sexual partner and he's very faithful and committed to me, Of that im sure.Tonight we went for dinner and on the way out of the restaurant we bumped into a friend of his. I said hello and was polite (having never met this friend before) and his friend and his friends partner were polite back to me. Then the 4 of us walked to the train station together and his friends girlfriend saw a woman that she knew and had a chat with her. When they finished talking and we'd walked on a bit her bf asked her who she was and she replied saying that's carol from work, she's the most lovely woman and my boyfriend said 'she's fit too!!' Which shocked me as I've never ever heard him refer to another woman in that way before. Then the girlfriend was telling us about this woman and how she used to do modelling and made a load of money from it and now she only works part time because she doesn't need to work any more hours and how she lived a charmed life etc. She sighed and said 'sometimes I wanna be her!' To which my boyfriend said 'I don't know about being her but I wouldn't mind being in her' I was absolutely disgusted and felt humiliated by his comments, especially as he'd made a few derogatory remarks about me to his friend as well. Once we'd got off the train I did say to him that I felt hurt by his comments and his reply was that I was overreacting and that's just how guys speak to each other. Am I Overreacting?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2015): ...I laughed when I read what he said. So, it is a good line, but depends on how he said it. If it was jokingly and the other couple you were with laughed as well, then, I would say, yes you're overreacting (who spends 3 years with someone if they don't really find THEM attractive?). If he said it in a creepy, serious manner and no one laughs, than run for the hills!
Sure, it's a bit crude (especially in front of you), but if the woman was as beautiful as you say she was, I guarantee you every guy on the street was thinking the same thing. I understand woman aren't objects (etc.), but that's just biologically how we are wired - we're much more visual. No man sees an attractive woman & wonders about her personality.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2015): Ok, that was really bad. To say something like that in front of you. Would he like it if you said, I want him inside of me? I am sure not.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 February 2015):
 It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.
Is that clear?????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 February 2015):
 It might be how SOME guys talk. JERKS mainly, misogynistic jerks.
How disrespectful towards THAT woman, towards you and toward the friend's GF.
One thing is "locker room" talk. THAT crap needs to STAY in the locker room (that means when there ISN'T a woman present) and even then, really ... that is how guys talk?
I don't think you are overreacting. I would be DISGUSTED if my husband talked about ANY woman like this (whether it's in from of me or someone else).
IF he had stuck to a "she's fit" or "she's hot" that I would be fine with, but I want to be IN her? gross.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): What he said about the other woman was extremely inappropriate. You should dump him for that alone.
But here's something else that hasn't been mentioned by the other responders;
'especially as he'd made a few derogatory remarks about me to his friend as well'
A partner who makes fun of their significant other lacks basic respect for you and his narky comments now will eventually turn into full blown hostility.
I knew a couple where the man would leer at other women and put his partner down a lot. It was horrible to watch. They divorced in the end because she got sick of it. But by then she'd already compromised her career for the 'family' and she struggled to make a living afterwards.
Moral of the story, leave him now before you invest anymore in this relation. You don't want to stay with him and find yourself trapped or with fewer options of men to choose from because you stayed with an idiot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): Disgusting attitude. I wouldn't be with someone with such disgusting views towards women. Some people might not care, put to down to being banter or whatever but women are not objects for men to desire and to be spoken about like that is completely against anything I'd tolerate. To do it in front of you...well...he's an arse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): Nooooooooo! No you are not overreacting. What kind of low life talks like this in front of any woman, never mind his own girlfriend. Dump him now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): First comment about being fit is nothing but it becomes something if placed in context of his second comment which he should not have said. I am not saying that men wouldn't think silently of how much they'd like to do that woman but thinking and saying are two different things. Plus, even if a man would think that, a stable man would know that such thought is just in passing, meaning that possibility of that happening is ZERO and few days after thinking that he would forget how that woman even looks like. So yes, your man has some issues of understanding appropriateness
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): You've already wasted three years on this cheap cracker jack box prize.
That one statement alone should seal his fate.
Let him go.
He is going to break your heart. In fact, he already has by saying something so hurtful, disrespectful and cruel in front of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): I just posted about having an insensitive ex and forgot to say that he ALWAYS told me I was the problem, i.e. that I was overreacting, too sensitive, he was joking etc. Please don't buy that crap.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): OMG, so rude and insensitive. I had a very insensitive ex and although he leered a lot and said some annoying stuff, it was never QUITE as bad as that. What a two-faced and inconsiderate loser. A man who values his partner NEVER says stuff like this to her or around her and really good guys may joke around with their male friends, but not even to a disgusting level like that. Let him go and find someone else to disrespect!
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A
female
reader, mrspiggy  +, writes (26 February 2015):
 Put simply, No, you aren't overreacting. It was very wrong of him to say that in front of you and especially In front of other people.
I agree men do talk like that. But not generally in front of their partners. I think it shows a huge lack of respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): Immature and disrespectful is your boyfriend. He takes an L. All guys are not like that. Any guy who respects his woman know to notice a glance maybe and never ever comment about it. This is one loose marble. Guys know what to say around theyre girlfriend or not. They know if youll stand for it. I for one have never ever had a guy even blink twice over an attractive woman in my presence just out of respect. Respectful guys don't speak that way. He of course knows you have an inferior complex self esteem problem. Seems he know too much about u and taking advantage of it. Stand your ground and tell him. You cant dictate what he thinks but he damn well better have control when those thoughts hits his hard and soft palate and becomes words.
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