A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been in a relatinship for 4 years now.I love my boyfriend dearly and Im pretty sure he loves me too. My problem is he just wont give me a commitment!For the past 6 months all we do is fight over this issue. My parents are aware of our relationship as he comes home and goes on week end trips with us.His parents on the other hand - well Im basically non exsistent to them. Whenever I ask him why cant he make our relationship offical he responds:He is scared his parents might not agree;or that he is scared what if our marriage ends in divorce.Please help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): I know it can be frustrating that you are willing to make this commitment of marriage as such and your partner is not. But if you are both happy as you are and both love each other than maybe there is no need for marriage to prove this? as you have both proven it already?Marriage can be a bind to love, but if their is already a strong bind between you both that you feel and where you are happy togeather. Then why change it? Also your partner seems nervouse of marriage as he feels it could ruin you both, respect this, but try and talk with him, to come to a compromise. Maybe he could show his commitment to you through some other means such as wearing a piece of jewerlerry or having a little ceremony for just the two of you. This which could ease his fears and show you the commitment you want to be shown.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (3 July 2007):
It's difficult to know whether his reluctance to commit is because of his family, or because he doesn't really want to commit. If he is already thinking that it might end in divorce, then I think it might be reluctance unfortunately, and the family thing is an excuse. Maybe they don't like you, but if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he should deal with that. Think about what you both really want from life. If it's marriage and children, then you have to decide what to do about his family, even if that means ignoring them, because the problem will not just go away by waiting. You need to explain to him that this is what you want from your life, and that you need him to be really honest with you about what he wants. Make it clear that you don't want a reluctant husband any more than you want things to remain as they are. Because if he is just making excuses to keep hold of you on his terms, then you could waste many more years hoping for what will not happen, and it will end in bitterness. You have plenty of time to have children, so you could plan to be married a couple of years from now, after you have both dealt with whatever issues he has with his family. If he cannot give you this commitment, then you will have to decide whether to leave and look for someone who wants the same things as you. This is a scary prospect, but if that's what you want then you are the one to go out and get it. Life is very short, and regrets about what we should have done when it is too late, are very bitter ones.
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