A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for nearly two years and within those, and like most couples, have had our ups and downs. Our history together is quite complicated, but I will try to summarise. We met when I moved into a share house where he lived. This was one month after I came out of a 3.5 year relationship. I was still hurt and he was there for me. Our love blossomed in the house and I moved out after 6 months so that we could have a 'normal' relationship. Now, I want to take our relationship to the next level, and also get more stability in my life, so I've been talking about moving in together. His job takes up a lot of his time (and his work colleagues equally so) and this has been causing a lot of friction as I ask for more of his time and energy. Because of this, we have been arguing a lot more, and the relationship is suffering. I still think that moving in together with help this, as I will see him more often and won't have this overwhelming need to see him more. However, he asked for a 'break' and some time away from me so that he can have the space to think. It has been two weeks (and he was quite needy during it) and we sat down this weekend and I told him I am looking for is more stabilty in my life, and that I feel that I want more commitment. He in turn said that he doesn't know whether he can give that to me as he is not ready for that type of commitment. He then attempted to break up with me, but retracted a while after as he says he does want me as he loves me. I am now very confused and hurt; which he is aware off. Do I back off completely, and if so, how? I have not been single in over 5 years and don't know how to be. I am scared!Please help.
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 The guy has already flat out told you that he isn't ready for a bigger commitment, he isn't even willing to move in with you. Which really isn't that much of a commitment anyways.The only thing that tells me it that he wants to be free to come and go and enjoy being a single man for as long as he can.My girlfriend is the same age as you and just went through the same thing with her boyfriend of two years. They were living together and she thought everything was going well even though he would often say stuff like he wasn't the marrying kind, when he suddenly decided he wanted to move out and live with one his single male friend. So he did, but he still wanted to date and have sex with my friend. She didn't like it and it hurt her badly but she loved him so she went along with it. Within a few weeks he was back to spending all night and almost everyday at my girlfriends house anyways. But he also spent a lot of time out half the night with his friends at the local bars. They started to argue a lot and most of the time he acted like he didn't really want to be there or spend anytime just talking to her. She cooked and cleaned for him and washed his clothes but he didn't seem to care, and it made her feel more alone then ever. So she finally told him she was done and asked him to move out. And guess what... now he is the one crying and begging her to give him another chance. He says he was just resisting growing up but that he woke up when he realized he was going to lose her. Now after two years of giving her nothing but heartache he has done a 180 and says he is ready to give her 100%. She hasn't taken him back yet, because she isn't sure if she can trust this sudden turn around. But he is trying harder to please her then he ever has before.I had told her she needed to "take her power back" for months but she just kept trying harder and harder to please him and make him happy. It wasn't until she got strong enough to break up with him that he finally came around.So that is my advise to you. Take your power back and demand to be treated like you deserve. If he won't make a committment to you, then at least your free to find someone else who will. Why waste the last couple of years of your twenties on a guy that you can't plan a future with? Life is to short.
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