A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend has this "thing" where he loses interest in girls if she puts out too soon. I know this because we were friends for a long time before dating. And he would meet a girl, he seemed interested cause he would even tell us, "I met this girl, were going out, she seems cool." He would hang with her a couple of times at most and then all of a sudden he was no longer interested. I'm nosy so I would pry and he'd imply they hooked up. So I asked if that's why he lost interest. And he'd sort of vaguely nod his head and then change the subject. I took that as a yes. This happened with a few girls. When he and I started dating, he insisted we wait to have sex. I had no problem with that however I wanted to know his reasoning, as I am no where near as rigid as he is when it comes to sex and timing. To me it's about the person I'm with, not about how long they hold out. He said because he wanted the timing to be right for it to be special and it not feel like it was something random and meaningless. So we waited and several months later we had sex. And fortunately, nothing changed, we still loved each other. But I still wonder why he feels that way. I don't see the difference a few months made? After all that waiting, he himself admitted he didn't see the point either. We liked each other. Period. I had an ex boyfriend who I had sex with just two weeks after meeting him and we were so inlove for the longest time. I respect how he feels. But at the same time never quite understood why he feels so rigid about this. Does anybody know?
View related questions:
period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Hey guys, I'm the op, thx for the rest of the replies, just saw them.Olderthandirt, no it's never been a dilemma or a problem. We've been friends for a long time and love each other dearly. I'm often just as big of a mystery to him as he is to me. I don't necessarily agree that it's "noble." To sleep with a girl then never talk to her again? It'd be more noble to not sleep with her at all wouldn't it be? But it's certainly not my issue and not my point. You're right, it is a virtue that he places standards on who he chooses to date. Was just wondering other's opinions on why of all things, that's for him what makes it or breaks it. And male anonymous, you're right, it probably just comes down to the biology of men, I guess. You Wish, as I stated before (but it didn't get posted??) at no point did I even remotely imply I am obsessing over or taking issue with his past loves and past sex life. I very very clearly said I am curious about an ATTITUDE he has toward sex in general, highlighting his past experiences as well as his experience with me to elaborate on my point.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): I'm the OP. Janniepeg, thank you so much for the insight. You definitely brought up interesting points that struck a chord. Especially when you brought up women's lib and the influence of family values.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): It will be interesting to see how many more decades it takes before people start facing the fact that these "old stereotypes" don't go away. They are a part of human nature.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 December 2014):
 It's a bit of a stereotype, the old "He won't respect you in the morning" thing. Sexual values take many forms, and truly, only your boyfriend can answer that question because we don't know his side of the issue.
However, I would strongly recommend you put this subject to rest and not bring it up to him. Delving into a past love or sex life of your partner has very real dangers, not the least of which is a risk for retroactive jealousy, where obsession over exes and your partner's behavior toward them starts corrupting and corroding your current relationship.
That is why your boyfriend gets vague and changes the subject. He is SMART as hell to do that. Don't tug on the thread, or you just might unravel the shirt. His past relationship habits should not be revisited now that you two are together, aside from whether or not he has children with exes or STI's.
All that should matter is his interest in YOU.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 Our opinions are formed when are brains hear the message again and again. Such as girls who put out soon do not respect themselves, they are desperate and are only having sex to get love and suck out resources from men. It can be hard for him to adjust to the women's liberation movement and that when it comes to sex, women and men can be the same way. They can want sex for the sake of it. They can also love and form an emotional connection at the same time. Some people just want to go the safe route and not worry about who is who. The source of that opinion might be his family members whom he respected much. Also it can be his brain wiring. Some people can only enjoy sex when a strong emotional connection is there. Without it sex feels cheap.
There is always the possibility that he never met the right person until you came along. The waiting was just in case. So if you hit a challenge in the future he would not blame it on the early sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 Perhaps he is nobel and a gentleman and has a distaste for females with loose morals. Who knows? I don't quite ubderstand your dilema. Lots of girls would see this as a virtue. but you seem to find this as problematic. I'm confused.
...............................
|
