A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'd like some advice please. I've recently started dating a new man but I've had really bad experiences in past relationships and am extremely insecure. When we first started dating he was very full on - flowers, mix tapes(!), dinners, he treated me like a princess but I didn't trust his sincerity because it felt too soon for him to feel too much. I did say this to him, and explained it took a while for me to trust and that I wanted to take things slowly. He said ok but then asked me to be his girlfriend and started talking about introducing me to his family. Weird thing is, the past few times we've seen each other I've noticed him making excuses about when he can see me next - and I've started crying! What a way to scare someone off. I'm very insecure and he has gone from wanting to give me the moon on a stick to backing right off in the space of three weeks or so. He has children who live with him alternate weeks so I know he has a lot on his plate. At the same time, it makes me want to weigh my decision as to whether to keep dating him very carefully, what do I do!?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): Me too lifesgreat - I try not to get too close too soon - but it can have a nasty habit of backfiring!
Men can be proud & if he has laid his feelings plain for you to see & you haven't seemed too keen - he may have gone off to lick his wounds!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 To me, when a guy is TOO full on from the get go, they aren't sincere, they are LOOKING to fulfill a fantasy more than finding a a partner in reality. And that is why they run out of steam so fast.
I do think this guy wants a partner, and that is why he asked you to be his GF. Maybe because he thought you were looking at other "prospects" while getting to know him, so if he offered a title, you would ONLY have eyes for him? It's hard to say, but if you met on a dating site it's possible.
Another reason COULD be that this is the holiday season. It's an expensive holiday for most, a time where family takes priority, specially kids (not sure how old his are).
Or... he is backing off/taking it slower (like you asked him to) because your hesitation made him hesitate too?
Or... he is trying the pull/push method. First he tried HARD to reel you in, now he is becoming unavailable to see if you chase.
It really is hard to say, some people play games, some don't.
However, with that said, YOUR insecurities are YOURS, and you need to deal with them, this (or any other) guy can't "fix" that for you. I would back off a little and see what happens, might be that he is JUST trying to focus on the holidays with the kids.
And can I say, stop with the crying. It comes off a VERY manipulative. That may not be your meaning, but it CAN be why he is now hesitating.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (19 December 2014):
well did you agree to be his girlfriend or did you say lets give it time?
If I was really trying to impress a girl Ie flowers , and Mix tapes and thought I was being a gentleman and then told me to take it slow I would think I was going OTT and then lay it off a little .
Also If I said do you want to be my girlfriend and you said lets take it slow .. again I would cool off .
so its up to you if you actually like him try not to be scared ..but I am the same and understand where you are coming from as I am the same and do not let people get close to me lol
good luck :)
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