A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've always been a bigger person, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be skinny, but I really want to at least be in a healthy weight...I absolutely hate my body and the one saving grace is that my boyfriend really likes bigger women and tells me that he loves my figure.The thing is that it's gotten to the point that it's taken four months for me to let him take my top off and look. I just cried because I felt so exposed - I am not joking when I say that I hate my body.I'm afraid that if I lose weight, my boyfriend won't find me attractive any more. I know he's not a superficial person, but you can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't feel attracted to. He goes on about how he hates skinny girls, and as much as I only want to be an average UK 12-14, I still worry he'll leave me.What do I do? I want and need to lose weight so that I feel attractive and can be intimate with my boyfriend, but what's the point if he leaves me?What should I do?Thank you in advance! :) x
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 June 2012):
He won't if he actually loves you.
If he does, then he's not the one.
Somehow though, I doubt he will. When he sees that you're more confident, more outgoing, healthier and that you feel better, he'll hopefully fall for you even more.
Do what's right for you. He'll do what's right for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): "He goes on about how he hates skinny girls"
You know OP most guys who have dated or are dating a larger girl have said that millions of times as a way of trying to ease their insecurity and prove that we're attracted to them, nothing else works and just saying we're attracted to you doesn't do anything because you don't believe us. I think that's what he probably meant. Look OP he doesn't necessary prefer bigger women, he prefers you but you absolutely loathe and detest your body and I'm sure you tell him that all the time too, well what else is he supposed to say other than he loves bigger women?
It's the stock response isn't it?
"I'm fat and disgusting"
"No you're not your gorgeous as hell I love curvy women."
We guys have to say that OP because any other response will only feed your insecurity and for reasons I just cannot imagine "I love you, think you're beautiful just the way you are." Doesn't work at all, you don't believe us. We have to say we don't like skinny girls so you may actually believe that we're very attracted to you. Because girls who believe they're fat and disgusting will just never trust us guys find them attractive unless we "admit" that we're into big women. Just being in to you is just not enough for girls as insecure as you because you'll constantly be thinking "why is he with me?"
OP he's attracted to you and is with you, if he's smart he will never ever admit that you have extra weight because guys being honest in that way are deemed by women as insensitive assholes.
Nothing bad can happen by you adjusting your diet slightly and starting a healthy exercise regime. Nothing.
In fact a more confident, happier you will be even more beautiful to him. A more open sexually you will be even hotter too. You have absolutely nothing to lose by getting fit and healthy OP.
Please don't take what I just told you as a way of doubting him, okay? Just because I'm a guy and I'm honestly telling you that that's what we have to say don't turn this back on him and use it as a reason to doubt his love and attraction for you. Please don't be one of the many insecure girls constantly trying to sabotage your relationship to feed your insecurity. Trust the fact that he does find you beautiful regardless of your weight but that he quite simply can't admit that because that's not enough for you, the only way you'll trust him is if he says he loves larger ladies in general.
Get healthy, be happy and do it in a constructive way by giving it time and patience and your life and relationship will improve. he's already shown his worth by sticking around even though you're still so very closed off intimately. It can be tough being with a woman who hates herself OP, as much as you can't understand how he can find you attractive, well he can't understand how you can't find yourself attractive. It's no win. Go for it OP, you have nothing to lose but your insecurity.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 June 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie. If you want to lose weight do so. I doubt you will lose so much as to be skeletal. Most men like women with a bit of padding and curves.. but that’s not unusual.
If you want to lose weight to be healthy and happy then you do so… and I doubt he will leave you just for that.. I love my partner we both have gained a lot of weight in the last year for various reasons. He’s up nearly 30 pounds.. has not changed how I feel about him. I’ve lost and gained 20 due to health issues… and he loves me the same… he did remark when I started regaining that he was happy I picked up a few pounds as I was getting bony at my lowest weight.. but it did not stop him from wanting me..
Make lifestyle changes… eat well, get some exercise..(involve him if you can) and so slowly will the weight come off that it won’t be very noticeable on a day to day basis… only over time… and he will be used to it and you will feel great…
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2012):
 I think you should do what makes YOU happy. If being a little lighter is 1. MORE healthy 2. WHAT you want then I would go for it.
I can't imagine he would love you any less for losing weight if it means you gain some self-confidence.
Unless he prefers you to have none and then I would say good riddance anyways.
It's YOUR body honey.
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