A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Questioning keeping my relationship or leaving it?We've been together for 2 years and my bf tells little lies here and there and when I talk to him about any issues, he has no words to explain his actions. We've talked about it a few times. I don't want to lose him, but I am over this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2017): I had a bf who did this. He was a very kind person but a compulsive liar. He didn't want to hurt me with his lies, I would say, but he did it because he couldn't handle any sort of "judgment" and would take any sort of criticism from anyone extremely personally. He would also lie about really stupid non issue things all the time and just try to manipulate me by not being straight with me. I left because when things got tough he was horrible to deal with and he started to blame me for everything. Luckily I heard the poor guy got some counseling for his issues and is doing better. Communication between partners is really important for long term relationships and if he doesn't make an effort maybe you aren't as important to him as you should be.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
He has to explain his lying like he is a little kid? to you? Seriously?
He lies because it's a habit and because he probably gets away with it most of the time. It has benefitted him in the past. My guess is for HIM the term - it's easier begging forgiveness than getting permission. Thus the lies.
HE isn't going to change. THIS is who he is.
So you either SUCK it up or have enough and move on to someone who is more mature and who doesn't NEED to lie about stuff constantly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): Exactly what does he lie about, and why do you feel the need to interrogate your boyfriend; and make him explain his actions? How old is he, 10?
If you don't want to lose him, maybe you should closely evaluate what it is within you that makes you want to keep a person you consider a liar? If he's untrustworthy, and he does nothing to earn your trust. Release him!
So, how do you feel in your state of perfection? He never has to worry about a thing. You're always patient, sympathetic, always truthful, and 100% reliable. Never one to get on his nerves. You're sweet 24/7, and you have no faults or human weaknesses. He is a very lucky man to have a woman with no faults of her own.
Now, if he is lying about his whereabouts or activities; and you're always on snoop-patrol; then he's being like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You're more of a mother or prison guard than a girlfriend.
You find things, confront him; just to catch him in a lie? Keep up this petty little game, and you will lose him.
That's annoying and mean-spirited. Treat him like a grown man. I don't expect you to admit to anything. Of course not, you're the perfect girlfriend. If he wrote this site, he'd have no complaints of his own to share about you.
Spending too much time finding fault in people is just as bad of a habit; as people lying to you. If the lies are serious, then why are you sticking around? If you know the truth, why do you ask and make him lie to you to avoid confrontation? I'm wise. I know the games people play.
If he constantly lies to you, and you don't trust him; the relationship isn't going to work anyway. So why do you want to keep a habitual-liar as a boyfriend? He never passes a pop-quiz, or the lie-detector test, on what he's doing when you're not around. He denies what you find on his phone or devices. Yet he's such a wonder boyfriend, you just can't let him go.
Girlfriend, does this make any sense?!!
Then again, if you're frequently catching him in lies; the question is, by what methods do you find the truth; so you so often catch him lying? Questioning his friends, checking his underwear, checking his messages and files, stalking him in the shadows? What???
You said you're over it. So dump him!
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