A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys im kinda in a tough postion sorry for it being long. Iv been with my bf for a year and i found out by our mutual friend a couple months ago that my bf was sexting another girl. I gave him another chance but told him he better delete and never talk to her or sext another girl again. Well our mutual friend a couple days ago gave me my bf's email and password and said i should look so i did. I dint find any thing dirty this time but i saw that he sent her a message saying i miss u alot plz talk to me. I was extremly mad and yelled at him an he just said that she was just a friend an i said i dont care you werent sapost to talk to her any more and he just said im sorry i messed up ill delete it so the next day he told me he deleted it but i checked and saw her still as a contact so i blocked her myself. i feel kinda bad to but i really love him and we are in the process of moving in togather and i kept worrying about it so i just did it. I dont think he'll say any thing though because if he does he'll get cought in a lie since he said he all ready did. but he did say he was sorry and that it wont happen again so i want to try to move past this but do you think what i did is bad too? thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Alex242  +, writes (22 May 2012):
Do not waste your youth on this man; find someone you do not fell the need to constantly check up on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): "i really love him and we are in the process of moving in togather" "he did say he was sorry and that it wont happen again"So you're in the process of moving in with a guy you know is a serial liar and serial cheater who has reduced you to snooping behind his back to block a suspected paramour whom he lied he wouldn't contact again and whom he lied that he'd already blocked. Don't understand how chicks like you can profess to "really love" scumbags like him who show absolutely no respect for you. Are you so dumb and desperate, needy and clingy that you need a penis in your life at all times no matter what kind of gutter-crawling, sewer-dwelling life form it's attached to?Try to develop some brains and backbone, and don't let this jerk continue to walk all over you. He'll never change no matter how many times he says he's sorry and swears it will never happen again, so he's just lying (again) to keep you from dumping him (this time). I'd think by the third time you'd be smart enough to be making that basic connection instead of worrying whether what YOU did was "wrong." He's the one who's "wrong;" what you did was not "wrong," merely "dumb" and "unnecessary" and "pointless" and "futile" and "not going to stop him from engaging in the exact same disgusting behavior again and again and again in the future." Wise up.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): Don't believe for a second he won't do it again. He's already done it more than once. This kind of behavior doesn't just end because you found out. He will just learn to hide it better. He only said sorry to get you off his case at the time. You should dump him and move on. He was actually seeking an emotional connection with her. That's more serious than just flirting with strangers. You blocking her doesn't change the fact that he wants to have that connection to her so its only a matter of time before he will reestablish contact with her later when you have calmed down and are not checking up on him so much. You cant be his permanent roadblock to what he wants to do. You should instead be with someone who doesn't want anyone else but you.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 May 2012):
I think that when you have given him as many chances as you have (3!), and he's still lied, and you've actually had to block his account, then your relationship isn't working.
Do you really believe, after having lied to you so much, that he'll leave her blocked? I don't. I think he'll try to contact her again, and again, and he'll just make a mockery of you.
This is a sign that your relationship needs to end. He has no respect for you at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): Yes I do think what you did was bad. Although you are his girlfriend and lied, you have no right to go into his private email and delete his contacts, that is something only he should control. I have heard of a legal case where a man sued his wife for going into his email account and doing that. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not negate their right to privacy, privacy laws are there for a reason. What your boyfriend did was wrong, he lied to you and emotionally cheated on you, which is immoral, but it is not illegal. What you have done has broken laws, so in future no matter the situation, do not do that. Your mutual friend may have had the best intentions, but gave you the wrong advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): how come your friend has your bf's email and password? That's very strange? either way it was wrong of you to snoop in his email even though he was also doing wrong.
but the more significant concern is that he is not going to stop. So if you are going to stay with him you are just going to have to accept that he will continue doing this, and turn a blind eye, or drive yourself crazy running around monitoring him 24/7 forever (he could open a new secret email account, or any other infinite number of things) and being constantly vigilant and never relaxing. Do you really want to live like that?
...............................
|
