A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend said he wants to marry me about 3 months ago. I told him I felt the same way. Two months ago he said we should start looking at rings. So we did. We went engagement ring shopping several times, with the understanding that no purchases would be made yet and we would not get engaged for a few months down the line, he just wanted to know what I like. We had a big fight once and I broke up with him. But he begged me to come back and said all the right things so I took him back. When we got back together, he said he had bought an engagement ring but had already pawned it because we didn't speak for four days. He said he signed a contract with the salesmen he gave the ring to. I was skeptical that this was even true, so I asked to see the contract. To my surprise, one did exist. He had spent $25,000 on the ring, according to the contract!!! Anyway, the document seemed kind of hoaky. I found the exact contract online connected to a company stationed 3000 miles away. I’m not sure if my bf printed it from the web, or if the bogus salesmen he handed the ring to did, but I’m pretty sure it’s not legally binding. He doesn’t have the last names of any of these people, or a real brick and mortar address. I find it hard to believe a grown man would hand over something so valuable to strangers with no real way to track them down .They are traveling salesmen, according to him, and he doesn’t even have a land line for them. Only first names and cell phone numbers. For three weeks, every single day he would tell me, “I spoke to Bob today…he said the ring is in Chicago but they’re not going to sell it, they’ll bring it back in a few days…” that turned into “a week” then “maybe Friday” then “maybe by New Years Eve” then “maybe next week.” I heard this every single day until finally I said this is ridiculous, and my boyfriend agreed to get another ring (obviously spending much less this time but I didn’t care, I just wanted for us to be officially engaged and he insisted on a formal proposal.) While I was out one day I happened to come across a very pretty cushion-type simulation [fake] that was only $27 USD! It was sparkly and pretty and shaped exactly like the style I love, so I bought it. I showed it to him saying that we could use this at least for now, and if the other one ever comes back (unlikely,) then we can switch to that one. It looked very similar anyway (I saw a picture on his phone of the one he claimed to have bought for me.) All he had to do was officially propose to me (the formal proposal being his idea). He still wouldn’t do it. Was still dragging his feet. Then I asked if we could just skip the formal proposal and I put the fake ring on that I bought myself and tell people that we are engaged (which I thought we were because we both agreed we want to marry one another… isn’t that being engaged?) He said that’s not a good idea… he wouldn’t even consent to that! He said he didn’t feel right using a fake ring. We went to a flea market and looked around… started talking to one salesman that said he’d start making the ring I like for a $50 deposit…but my boyfriend chickened out of that. He said he went back the following day without me and spoke to another salesman and left a 100 dollar deposit for him to make the ring of my dreams that I sent him a picture of…and it would take “about a week.” Well today about a week is up. My boyfriend said I could come with him to the jewelry store this weekend, but he claimed to have went without me and has a picture on his phone of a woman behind the counter wearing the setting, but then he said that's not the actual setting, just what it will look like. So in case this is too confusing--they said it would be about a week and after 4 days had no real work done on it. The center stone I requested is hard to find, it's rare...but I didn't demand my dream ring. There are dozens of rings, including a 27 dollar fake one!-- that I'd be happy with, I just want to be engaged to him! But my boyfriend insists it be my favorite ring fo all, and his excuse for not bringing me with him to the jewelry store is that he wants to feel like he did it himself once the final product is done. So the latest is we will go together in two days, he says..and will try to move them along with it. I really feel like my boyfriend is just telling me wild stories. Like I have a feeling something unforeseen is going to occur with this new ring supposedly being made. For instance, I asked my bf what cut he told the jeweler to make it, and he didn’t have an answer. He said he didn’t tell him a cut… umm that’s like the most important part of the ring. Round, emerald, princess, cushion, oval… I mean, you can’t make a ring without knowing cut. But he did show the jeweler a picture so *maybe* the jeweler was about to just replicate that based on sight. Not sure. Another suspicious thing, my bf told me yesterday afternoon that he contacted the jeweler and told him what cut I wanted. Then later that evening, told me he hadn’t spoken to him all day. When questioned about it, he said “well I texted him the info.” Maybe it’s true. I just feel like he’s backed out and let me down sooooo many times. You’re probably wondering why I put up with him at all, but I really love him. I just don’t understand why he keeps backing out. If he wants a more casual relationship or to go at a slower pace, why doesn’t he just tell me? Why tell me lies and wild stories???? How long can this go on??? I’m not sure if I’m just being impatient... I'm not demanding we get engaged, I'm just demanding he be honest with me. I just don’t want to be lied to and it’s very painful that he gets my hopes up and then disappoints me over and over again. So my questions are why is he lying instead of just being honest? What is he thinking and how much can this go on???I have tried talking to him about this and he acknowledges that he’s made a bunch of mistakes and he doesn’t blame me for growing impatient but THIS (whatever his latest story is..now it’s that the ring is being made and will take “about” a week which I have a feeling will keep being extended due to various reasons…), is the truth and it will be resolved in X amount of time (then X amount of time comes and I’m still not engaged.)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 January 2014):
 You don't get to be a good liar without some practice. How old is he, anyway?
He's very creative about his lies.
This guy is BAD NEWS.
As you are a willing participant in the charade, then this can go on for a long long time. I don't see much of a happy future for you here.
A man who doesn't have something to hide and has some integrity would have simply told you that he's not ready to propose yet and would never have set up a series of lies.
This guy has ZERO integrity. None, nada, zip.
You know this, but for some reason, you stick around… perhaps your family history includes this sort of weirdness and lying?
You are setting yourself up for major heartbreak. Sorry.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsageoldguy1465 -- what did I protest? I answered YouWish's questions...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 January 2014):
 To the OP: "Methinks thou dost protest too much...."
You are spending lots of time and energy trying to justify things...... and to rebuff the sensible details that You Wish has put before you.
You came to this site and asked a question.... You got sensible answers/suggestions that most-anyone would understand and realize were intended to open your eyes to the scam that you are putting yourself in to.
NOBODY can force you to "see the light"... understand what's going on.... and get you away from the - almost-certainly-scamming creature.... Sooooo....
... can we all agree... no more exchanges. YOU go on and take your licks.... and we will pray that you do not incur any serious injuries in your dealings with this character???
Good luck (you're gonna need it).....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2014):
 You haven't even been together a year?!??! That's what I thought. You are in some serious hot water. This guy is a scam artist. There's some reason he's smoke screening you about this whole ring business and the elaborate lies.
Something's really wrong. You need to run like hell, because stuff like this usually hides a really bad issue, like criminal or molester, or he's married or he's using you, your house or your information to run something. If he's talking in terms of buying a ring from a "person" rather than a company, business, or firm, makes me wonder if he's into drugs. Yes, I know the ring is false, but he's pulling this crap for a reason.
You've gotta get away from him, because the time will come that you'll get a rude awakening and realize that he has lied about *everything* and isn't the person you think he is. For one thing, he's moving ultra fast with all of his words, but not actually doing anything. For another, he is constantly and completely rapid-fire lying to you. Guys don't pull this behavior only to get more sex. They usually do it to blind and distract their girl from seeing something really disturbing, like pulling a Frank Abagnale like dazzling you with promises of jewelry while hiding a criminal element or that he's a husband and father ducking the IRS or his wife. DO A COMPLETE criminal background check on him - use the internet to do a full profile as well. A guy who lies like this about something as stupid as an entire elaborate wedding ring story is lying about other things he doesn't want you noticing.
And he's sized you up as a pretty easy mark too - you'll believe and justify and rationalize anything. Like the frog in the boiling water, you don't even realize that the lies have become beyond outlandish and unbelievable and laughable. All of us on the outside don't even live with him and can punch massive holes in his story, only to have us shaking our heads at your justifying an unjustifiable string of lies. One thing's for certain - you don't sound like someone who has ever been self-reliant and lived on your own outside of a college dorm. Like I said - you're a mark and easy pickings for him.
Run like hell after doing a background check on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Youwish: I initiated the 4-day no talking fight. My boyfriend is not rich but he makes a good living (I have gone to many office parties and met many coworkers so I don't doubt his job is as he says it is.) I suspect, if his story is true (though I doubt it like all of you,) he intended to insure the 25K ring but didn't have time. From what I understand, when you buy wholesale (which a lot of people in my area do,) you get the ring insured through a regular insurance company like State Farm, not through the "store." He waited four days for me to begin talking to him again and when I didn't, he pawned it because it's a lot of money and he wanted something back for it. The person he bought the ring from would only give him 1/3 of the value back, so he found a salesmen who said he would sell it and give my bf 60% of the revenue, better than 1/3. The salesman does have a cell phone. That's the only number my bf has for him, no land line or brick and mortar address (traveling salesmen.) Look, I agree he's lying. No dispute there. I had a talk with him last night and told him that I will NOT leave him if he doesn't propose to me (we haven't even been together a year yet. If we had been together for 3+ years and he refuses to propose, then I'd leave him, but he's by no means reached my personal deadline yet.) I told him that the only reason I'd leave him is if he keeps lying to me, and the disappiontment these lies are causing is putting a tremendous strain on our relationship as well. He nodded and seemed relieved, as if maybe that conversation took some pressure off. He said he was glad I told him but still insists he wants to be engaged soon and is sticking with his latest story that we will go to the jeweler's tomorrow to see the ring in progress. *shrug*. I'll keep this up almost out of curiosity...will keep you all posted :-) Thanks for all the wonderful input! Oh and, YouWish, the reason why he wanted to go ring shopping without buying anything yet was to get an idea of what I like. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2014):
How long have you two been together? You never mentioned it in your question.
Something's off here. Not just in a "he's a stupid liar" way, but a "he's a con artist" way and maybe in a "your post is a troll post" way. How could you be smart enough to google a sales contract for validity, but not smart enough to wonder whether or not he *has* $25,000 (what did he get you, a Harry Winston?!) or how many rings he'll buy you??
So here are my questions:
1. Is he a super-rich trust fund baby who doesn't think to insure a $25,000 ring?
2. Who initiated the 4-day no talking fight? Why was it 4 days? Was it you, or him?
3. Why would a salesman not possibly have cell phone?? Salespeople live and die by their cell phones. What is this, 1978? Does he have his card? Salesmen hand these out like candy.
4. Why would he want to go engagement ring shopping under the understanding that he wouldn't propose or buy a ring?
5. Where are these sales and deposit receipts? Why would he spend $100 on a ring when he originally spent $25,000 on one only to flippantly pawn it off? Huh?
6. Why did you break up with him and not talk to him for 4 days?? What was the fight over?? Why, if he desperately wanted you back, would he pawn the ring without a second thought? Some guys hold onto an engagement ring for years after they break up hoping for a chance. Doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense!
At this point, I would have already made up my mind to break up with him simply because pathological lying is a deal breaker now and forever, but if he was this outlandish, I'd toy with him to see how outlandish they got and write them all down. Then I'd set the table with his own lies and hang him on it, metaphorically speaking.
I'd ask him if he paid cash or credit for the $25,000 ring and then show me the transaction receipt and the credit card statement showing it (or the cash withdrawal). I'd ask for the name of the flea market vendor he spoke to and the receipt for the $100 deposit, and call the vendor myself to verify.
Also, I'd ask for the insurance provider of the policy covering the $25,000 ring. Think he's insure his car which probably cost less but not a ring he gave to salesmen with no last names taking his ring 3,000 miles away?
I'd ask him which pawn shop he pawned the ring off to because it could still be there, and most likely is because pawn shop jewelry is overpriced for being used and they pawn for nothing.
Or I'd tire of all that, tell him it's over, and this time it would be for good. Tell him that he could be Dr. Suess if his lies rhymed.
Never be with a guy you have to hound to have propose to you. Never be with a guy who lies like a rug spanning Antarctica.
And if he's a con artist, I'd wonder if he wasn't married, or a criminal, or an identity thief, or a child molester, or someone creating credit cards in your name to steal money from you and maybe a few other girls. That would be more of a possibility if you have been together short term (i.e. less than a year).
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 January 2014):
OP: When a guy knows that a girl will keep putting out for him, if he just continues to hold out that hope that he will "pop the question" (propose).. then he really has no reason to "pop that question" .... as long as the girl continues to put out for him.... DOES HE?????
Soooo, it's incumbent upon YOU to say to him: "You know, hunchy-bunchy, you've been promising to propose to me for some time now... and I've been putting out for you for some time, now.... so - from now on - I promise to put out for you... but WON'T be putting out for you until I have the ring and the formal proposal.. Isn't that fair?"
Then... stick you your guns....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): Your boyfriend is amazing at bs. He should consider a career in PR.
He is either stupid, or he thinks you're stupid for him to come up with these elaborate stories and expect you to believe them. He lies like a 6 year old too.
You can try to find out why he's lying. But I worry that you seriously want a lifelong commitment to someone you can't trust. You'll share bills and have children and responsibilities. Is he going to be up to that task? He'll come home and tell you the equivalent of 'the dog ate my homework' when you find out you've missed mortgage payments for three months that he'd said he'd paid.
He does not sound like Mr longterm. Sorry
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): You want so badly to be married, you have allowed yourself to fall victim to a pathological liar, many times over.
You are in-love with the concept of being in-love; and infatuated with the fantasy of getting married. You go around and around with this guy. He plays you like a cheap fiddle. I can't think of any rational reason any woman would put up with this.
Why would you want to marry a liar??? He is playing you along; and you want so badly to make an engagement announcement that you bought a fake ring!!! Seriously!?
You are in for a HUGE disappointment. This is not the guy you want to marry. You are far too desperate.
You go so far as to dispel and expose all his schemes; but discovery of the facts do not phase you!!!
I must admit. I'm thoroughly astonished!
If he could come up with such elaborate tales and lies to avoid marrying you; imagine the lies and deceit you'll experience through your pressure-induced marriage.
Are you pregnant?
Listen to your mother. I know she has been on your back about this. You just can't take a hint from this guy.
He doesn't want to marry you. He's the type that will leave you standing at the altar, while he's on a bus out of town.
Dump him!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Unless he is telling you all these WILD FANTASTIC FICTIONAL stories to put you off the PLAN to propose is a amazing fashion where you have NO idea and it's a total surprise....
The story is so far fetched I don't believe ANY of it.
I guess it's up to you.
My guess is... he could be waiting for Feb 14.... to come around. OR he has a gambling habit and used the ring as collateral...
I don't know - it's the oddest story ever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): You are pressuring him with ur constant questions. The poor guy loves u n don't want to see u sad so he does this. U obviously can't read signs too well bc u would know he is not ready. Lay off of it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 January 2014):
 You bought yourself a ring and said you'd just put it on and say you're engaged? You basically proposed to yourself and left one important factor out of the equation - him.
You said he agreed he wanted to marry you. It definitely sounds possible he's not ready for all of this and he feels forced to go along with it because he's afraid you will be mad or upset.
Clearly the man didn't buy a $25,000 ring. He's a liar. That's just crazy. If he had, I feel fairly certain he would be freaking out about not getting it back a bit more than he seems to be; which is not at all.
It's funny how he's coincidentally bought these rings when you AREN'T there. That's quite telling. he's not bought you a damn thing. Stop falling for his lies.
He's lying to you for one reason or another. I hope it's just because he's not ready and afraid to tell you. I hope there's nothing deeper than that such as him already being married or seeing someone else, etc.
If I were you, I'd get go the bottom of why he's lying.
Good luck.
And stop pushing this wedding thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): "If he wants a more casual relationship or to go at a slower pace, why doesn’t he just tell me?"Because he's afraid that if the told you the truth then you'd stop having sex with him."Why tell me lies and wild stories????"To string you along with false promises so you'll continue to have sex with him."How long can this go on???"As long as you allow it, which would appear to be indefinitely."So my questions are why is he lying instead of just being honest?"Because he's achieving his objectives by lying and he has no guarantee that being honest would work just as well. "What is he thinking and how much can this go on???"He's probably thinking that he wants to continue having sex with you without any obligations or commitments and as previously stated it will go on as long as you allow it, which would appear to be indefinitely.Personally, I wouldn't put up with someone whom I knew was trying to play me for an absolute moron who'd believe any self-serving, lame, ridiculous BS story he can pull out of thin air. Honestly, I can't understand how you can profess to love a guy who is willing to go to such lengths to deceive you while treating you with disrespect and contempt in the process. If he's this dishonest as a wanna-be fiance, then what makes you think he'd make a suitable husband?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): A situation like this happened with me and my ex fiance. It wasn't about the ring, it was about setting a date for the wedding. He had me questioning him everyday on what date would be best for both of us (at the time we were long distance) because I had to make arrangements to move, quit my job and look for one in his area. Well four long months went by and still no wedding date! Finally I waited for him to come home and I confronted him about it. I said plain and simple, "What day are we getting married?" He said he didn't know so then I asked if he still wanted to and he said he didn't know. I've rarely spoken to him since. Just be upfront about it. If he doesn't want to get engaged, you're just making the relationship worst by asking him about it every three seconds. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, illusion angel  +, writes (21 January 2014):
Well too long ...anyways, i would like to tell you that patience is always fruitful. Besides i think you talk frankly with him. tell him clearly what goes round your mind. Make him understand that u don't want to wait any longer. As per your wedding ring is concerned plus you don't have any enuf stamina to wait ,you can buy a fake ring and try to make him understand the situation. Try to notice his facial expressions .. if he tries to escape from the conversation or simply neglects your advice and isn't that concerned or your concern ..then 'that guy is really not into you'
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 January 2014):
I think the reason he's lying is this: he doesn't want to actually give you a ring and ask you to marry him. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he's a Mommy's boy, like another poster just submitted. Maybe he's married already. Maybe he has a phobia.
Obviously he can stretch it out, as he has a willing audience in you.
The real question you should be asking yourself is this:
How long are you going to tolerate being lied to by a man who has no intention of being honest or ever asking you to marry him?
Time to wake up, m'dear, and smell the proverbial coffee.
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