A
female
 ,
*isztoria
writes:So I did a stupid thing the other night and slept with an old co-worker of mine. We stopped working together June 2013 and had talked/hung out very little since then. Well last Sunday night he text me to go out to a bar we use to hang out at. I didn't think anything of it because we have been there before and his sister and her boyfriend were there too. So I met up him him and things were like how they use to be at first. After about a half hour he starts getting very touchy feely. Now I've always had a crush on him, but he was on and off with his girlfriend of 3 years so I never pushed the issue. I knew he had been drinking a lot, but it felt nice to be wanted by him. I asked him if I could sit (I had just come back from the bathroom and he took my chair) and he told me to sit on his lap which he proceeded to caress my thigh. Anyway, when the game was over they were going to take a cab back to his apartment, but I had my car so I offered them a ride. When we got to his apartment, his sister and her boyfriend drove home and he invited me up because he could tell I couldn't drive 30 minutes to get back to my place. So we went upstairs and watched tv. He had me lay on him and we were laughing and having a good time. He then starts to tell me how much he always liked me and how he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want the awkwardness at work. I told him how I felt and then he kissed me. At some point I stopped him and asked if he was sure he wanted to do this and he replied "Why would I ever regret being with you." So that sounded good enough to me and we went into his bedroom and you know what happened next.I left the following morning around 8:30am. Things felt a little awkward, but we were still joking around up until the time I left. Half the day goes by (around 4:30pm) and I didn't hear from him so I just text him to tell him I had left my earrings. He replied and said I should come get them, but at the time I couldn't so he just said ok. At night, I remembered he had added me to his facebook, so I did a little spying to see if he had mentioned that we went out. I go on his page and the last post he made was a few minutes before he invited me out the night before. It read "Just lost the love of my life, but it's alrightttt."Apparently his on and off again girlfriend had finally broken things off for good to be with another guy and that's why he invited me out! He slept with me and told me all this crap about his "feelings" for me. So I confronted him and he didn't want to talk about it. He said he was sorry, but he was more upset about losing her so he basically wanted me to just leave him alone. He also said, "We shouldn't have done that."I'm very hurt and so angry at him, but I don't know what to do. If I knew I was his rebound I wouldn't have come out to meet him at the bar. Agony Aunts, what should I do? I stupidly still have feelings for him and I would never think he'd do this to me, but I know I should probably delete me from my life =(
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Just to clarify - being a drunk doesn't make him garbage. Being a user of women WHILE drunk (and not drunk) makes him garbage
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2014):
Is this guy a drunk? He gets wasted in Atlantic City, gets wasted on your one night stand, and goes out with you while he was dating her? I think your infatuation blinded you from the fact that this guy is an asshole and your boyfriend's ex dumped him because she's had enough of his crap.
Even before last night's one night stand, he's been USING you for a year. He's known all along you've had feelings for him and keeps you stringing along because you stroke his ego. So he takes you out and uses you and gets all handsy right off the bat. Of course he sleeps with you because he knew you would in a heartbeat. He knew that for years. You were, in his mind, a sure thing.
All of his flowery words shriveled in the sunlight. He used you. If it were me, besides not sleeping with a guy on the first date, I would have told him no wonder his girlfriend dumped him for a better man than he is.
This guy is a drunk. Take a clue from his ex - he's garbage.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Remember this important difference between guys and girls;
When a guy has just "broken up" with his G/F, his penis is desperately seeking another vagina where it can penetrate in and feel good.... THAT's all it takes for a guy to "get over" the break-up.....
When a girl encounters such a guy, she believes that she can right the wrong that has been visited upon this unfortunately creature (the guy) by that insufferable BITCH (the girl who he claims to be breaking up with) by spreading HER legs and offering him another, new and, previously untouched (by him) vagina.... and that will make all things right....
The fallacy in all this... is that this - or any - guy just wants/needs to find a soft, warm, moist place to park his penis.... Heck, it could be inside a Dunkin' Donuts eclair, for all we care!!!!
You've been duped. Please don't fall prey to this again.
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, misztoria +, writes (21 January 2014):
misztoria is verified as being by the original poster of the question I figured as much. I thought he had been broken up with his ex-girlfriend (as of last June) because we did go out after he left my job, but we didn't do anything that time and he said they were over because he wanted it that way. We also went to Atlantic City and shared a room, nothing happened then either, but he got pretty drunk and fell asleep by the time I got out the bathroom to wash my makeup off. I did see him a few times since June and I saw him last month, he came to the job. It wasn't completely out of the blue because I had just seen him before the Christmas break and we said we'd make plans to go back to Atlantic City. I trusted him, which I now know was a mistake. I'm going to just leave it alone and learn from this. I'm feeling horrible because I've had feelings for him for so long, but he's obviously not the guy I knew. I didn't drink that night so making the sober choice to sleep with him and believe his lies is why I'm upset. Luckily we used protection and I most likely won't have to worry about STDs and pregnancy. Thanks guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): Regret and humiliation will also summon many other associated emotions when you know you've been played.
In fact, you'll have a symphony of bad feelings about what happened. Don't beat yourself up about it. If you live long enough, it's bound to happen to any rational adult over the course of a lifetime. Nobody's perfect. No one is immune.
I really don't like it when people call themselves stupid for making very human mistakes. It was a mistake. You might as well confess that there were other reasons you allowed it to happen. You're just not happy with the outcome.
Own the fact that you didn't follow your better judgement; but stupid you're not. You gave in for a few reasons that you may not be proud of; but you've learned a valuable lesson.
It may not have been wise; if you didn't practice safe sex. You are aware of the risk of STD's and pregnancy. Be careful and protective of your health and safety at all times. Slips in judgement there could jeopardize your life.
There is always risk involved, when pursuing an interest and responding to an attraction to people. A crush or infatuation makes us highly alert, or sensitive, to any reciprocal signals that confirms the feeling is mutual. Who doesn't want their fantasies to come true?
You can't read minds, predict the future, or always make the best decisions. However; when you do make a mistake, that should imprint on your mind; and become a lesson indelible on your brain from that point on. That is; once you have established you screwed up. It's different if you are a victim of a very elaborate scheme. That wasn't the case here, mind you. You had clue.
It will now make you more cautious; and a lot more diligent in figuring out what a man is up to. You were also responding to your own sexual attraction to him. So the feelings were in fact mutual, in that respect.
Well, there is always the possible risk of being someone's rebound sex-buddy. You never know until it happens, and the truth comes to light. If he mentioned the breakup, yet you still went through with the sex part of it; accept some responsibility for that.
You knew there wasn't much likelihood anything good could come from an out-of-the blue invitation from a guy (you knew to have a girlfriend) you haven't heard a single word from in better than six months.
I refuse to believe you're that naive; unless you're under 18, and you don't have much experience with men.
You realized his motives once he spent the majority of the evening groping you up. So at that point you could have ended the evening. Instead, you did just the opposite. What's the use in crying foul? It was a conscious choice.
Don't let your feelings play tricks on you. Your hormones will lie to you and tell you that you liked the guy; when you really liked the sex more.
Don't go back. There is far too much potential for drama and bad karma. I don't think the bad feelings you have now, are the worst feelings he could bring to you.
You had a need that had to be satisfied. You showed up at the wrong place at the right time, and ended up with the wrong person. Try not to repeat that mistake.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 January 2014):
No offense, but you don't really have the ability to be picky about emotional details of a drunk one night stand.
Had you spent time getting to know where his head was at that'd be different. I'm sure he didn't lie to you either, he just wanted to take his mind off of the pain and you let him.
For future reference, acting speak louder than words. I can tell you from personal experience that women are easy to seduce if you just tell them what they want to hear. I'm not saying lie to them, either. If you want more than sex it's a good idea to wait and see if you're truly on the same page as the other person.
I'm not trying to come down on you, but he didn't use you, you just let your imagination and expectations take over.
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