A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hiii !!!Okay this is my situation right now :I go to an all girls school so I have no idea how to speak or act around boys. I constantly feel as if I'm being observed and whenever I just walk past a guy I get really nervous and my knees go weak. I feel that they are looking at me, judging me on first impressions and I really don't that feeling. How do I get rid of it? I not a shy person but my self confidence could be a lot better. I guess what I'm try to say is, how do I act around a guy? Do I act like I would if I was talking to a friend who was a girl or do I try to act how they would want a girl to act? I'm so scared that they wont like me for who I am or because I'm ugly and I don't go round wearing Hollister or Nike shoes and all of that 'typical popular girl' stuff. I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm just trying to find a way of making my self confidence better so I can walk out of the door and not care what people think about me. I'm presuming the first thing to do is to accept who I am and the way that I am and I just don't know if I can and how I can.THanks xxx
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Well, in the short term, if you walk past a guy, pretend it's 10 degrees below zero and he's naked right down to his pink polka dot thong. It's a public speaking trick that reduces anxiety.
But seriously, consider the truth - most guys are more nervous being around YOU than you are them. Guys clam up when the mere thought of talking to a girl or asking them out or wondering if the girl will laugh at them if they try to get smooth or intimate. Remember that guys are just as nervous as you, and it'll make you feel bad for them and help you be easier around them. It's like the animal kingdom - they're more afraid of you than you are of them.
Guys also don't care about the "typical popular girl stuff". Girls are the catty ones who pick apart wardrobe and makeup and stuff. Guys go all drooly when you so much as smile at them, and they're not so picky about body imperfections as other girls are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): I don't mean to condescend to you because you're a teenager, but 13-15 is the age when you become socially aware. It's typical to feel that you're under a microscope. The saving grace of your situation is that everybody else your age probably feels the same way more or less...
What to do about your anxieties? How do you get rid of that inadequate feeling? My advice is to run headlong at your fears. Don't be afraid of making mistakes or learning from them...You can't stop being afraid of something unless you confront it.
And remember that you are what you value...Try taking yourself seriously; I'm fairly certain you're not ugly and you don't need brand names shoes to be taken seriously...But pretending you do need these things to be taken seriously is limiting and makes your world small and claustrophobic. Decide what you like about yourself and other people and build off of that.
Good luck out there.
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A
female
reader, kitti_kat123 +, writes (22 January 2014):
When I was your age I also felt like that around boys, I think it's pretty normal. You are still learning and growing into yourself and you will eventually learn to be more acceptant of yourself :) A good trick to use to stop yourself from being so self conscious, is to focus your attention outward instead of yourself. This is easier said than done but with a little pratice you will get used to it... For example: You are walking passed a boy and notice he is looking at you, instead of thinking to yourself 'what must he be thinking about me' ask yourself what you think about him? do you like what he is wearing, his hair colour is he good looking etc. Obviously don't stare at him but just from a quick glance you can then process these things in your mind instead of reflecting your thoughts back on yourself. You can use this technique in any type of situation when you feel self conscious just focus your attention outward on what going on around you xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): You don't really have that much you should worry about being only 13. You're still growing and developing, and your face and body are changing.
Boys are not as mature as girls at your age; so they aren't really picking you apart like you think they are.
Girls tend to be pretty mean to each other at your age; the meanest girls are usually the girls who are most insecure. They're mean, because they think that will make people leave them alone. They bully until someone fights back.
Boys prefer that girls just be themselves and relax. When you're too nervous or shy, they feel uncomfortable around you. They're not sure why you're acting so nervous. Being too shy is okay when you're three years old. There comes a time you should grow out of it. You do that by ignoring the feeling to pull away or hide when people approach you. Just speak up.
You are very young and being confident comes as you grow older. You have to push yourself and make yourself realize that everyone around you have the same feelings you do. We are human beings who go through the same kinds of experiences.
Being pretty doesn't guarantee you will always be liked; and being plain doesn't guarantee you won't be liked.
You have more control over things than you know. You can be whatever you want to be. You start from where you are now.
Believe in yourself, and just don't be scared unless there is a real reason to be scared.
Don't let mean girls or stupid boys fool you into believing bullies rule everyone's opinions of you. That gives them power. It allows them to steal your power as a person. You decide what you want and you get it. You don't let mean people stand in your way. You show intelligence and courage, and figure out ways to get around them.
If you like a boy, you can talk to him like you talk to any other person. Like you talk to your brother, or a boy cousin.
There is nothing much different from that. They are not always looking at you to see what is wrong with you.
Most of the stuff you're worrying about is in your head.
You feel worried and scared; because you think something bad is going to be said to you. Or something bad "might" happen. Not because it has. If you think about that, it doesn't make any sense. Does it? Don't be upset until something actually is said, or done, to bother you.
If you make one mistake; does that mean you will make mistakes over and over for the rest of your life? Does that make any sense? If you make a mistake, forgive yourself. Try not to do it again.
Block what you're afraid people will think, out of your mind. You have the power to do that. It just takes practice. You get better and better at it. Just like learning to walk when you were a baby, or learning to talk.
You will never completely not care what people think.
You can't walk around worrying that people who don't know you, are thinking something bad about you; without having a reason. That will drive you daft! That's being paranoid.
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