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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend just told me tonight that he wants to stop having sex. We've been together for about 4 months and he knows I love him, but he says he doesn't feel that way yet. He thinks that if we don't have sex for a while he might fall in love with me. He keeps saying that he wants to be with me and that I am so special to him. I am so depressed that I can't stop crying over this. Every time I look in his eyes or feel him touch me, I feel despair. Is he completely crazy? Am I just overreacting? I can't help but think that we'll never be the same again and that we'll break up very soon. I feel so hopeless...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Agree with the other Aunts on this page. You are very hurt and no, you aren't over-reacting. Don't you see what dating this guy is costing you? I say leave him in the dust, hun and walk away a whole person. Listen, your bf wants to suddenly stop having sex. This is a decision he came to, in order to 'fall in love' with you? I know that if he was really into you, (not necessarily loving you), he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off you. He was cruel and he would've been better just stating 'we are through'. If you continue in this relationship, I feel your self-esteem will continue to take a huge nosedive. So why suffer like that? No one should have that type of power over you. Simply because.. each time his little rejections of your intimate approaches, continue, you will be in deep pain, despair and you will drag yourself down. I also think that your despair is a sign of mourning-you know the writing is on the wall. I am sorry. I remember, years ago, I had a person do a similar thing to me and as much as it hurt, I ended it quickly. Why? Because I knew that if after 6 months, he wasn't feeling it...then I wasn't going to further waste my time on some guy, who wasn't that into me. I walked away hurt, in pain, devastated but with my pride intact and my head held high. Life can through BS at us all the time, but it's how we face those hurtful things that make us strong.
I think what may be happening with you, is this guy is scared to hurt your feelings so he's being weak. Guys think about sex a lot and many of them don't even have to love a female to do it. If this guy has to pause and say "no, I don't want sex anymore with my gf" anymore...then don't spend any more time, on him. He's not the guy for you. When you recover from all this, hopefully with your confidence, pride, dignity and self-esteem intact. I know it's nice to have a bf, but don't lower your standards here just to have that. You are not desperate. He's not worth it, hun. You can do better. You will find a guy who cherishes and loves you and is really into you. Walk away....be strong and remember you are loveable. And if you find the courage to let him go...remember that in the future, make sensible choices on whom you date. Start being more selective and if you do date a guy-get to know him as a friend first and take it slow. Sex is serious stuff, hun and it rules and drives the heart for many females. It doesn't necessarily do that for men. Remember that. So try to keep sex out of it for at least a few months until both of you are certain. You will still meet up with guys that will just want to "jump your bones"--send them packing. They are not worthy or potential boyfriend material. I wish you the best. Take care and keep believing in yourself.
A
female
reader, whiteshadow  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 That is so crazy...how can someone only have sex when they are in love or whatever his excuse was? specialy a man..
anyway, i really think he is hiding something
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (20 November 2007):
 Yes he is completely crazy. To be honest I don't think you should have slept with him in the first place if the feelings you have for him are not received back. I can't believe that he has said this to you. It's just awful. If he has been sleeping with you but doesn't love you what is he playing at? Has he just been using you up until now? I think that if he was going to love you it would have happened by now honey. There doesn't seem much hope.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, I think there is more to this than meets the eye......obviously a man this age has great sexual desire, how is he going to meet HIS needs while you are abstaining? Perhaps you could do this for him but with a time limit...say 2 months. No questions asked but after that time you deserve an answer to some important questions. I don't think pushing the subject is going to help your cause at this time, it will hurt you if he does have sex with you because you know he doesn't really want to. Do some homework in the meantime. Is he satisfying himself? Does he masturbate frequently? I have the same situation and the story is told many times over on a web-site that I frequent. It is a problem with your boyfriend, not you.
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