A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years and I were discussing our plans to go travelling overseas, where he told me we would need to stay away from certain countries where there are "extremely good looking women" because he wouldn't be able to control himself. He basically said if he was around foreign girls and if he was drinking he wouldn't be able to resist and would most likely end up cheating on me. He said this to me so casually as if he was telling me about yesterday's weather or something while I was agape with disbelief of what he'd just said! What do I even make of this?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2015): (I would just like to point out that women are much more likely to cheat on trips away from home than men. Research shows it plainly.)
Having said that, Your BF is either trying to get a reaction from you in a jealousy teasing way, or else he is trying to maneuver you into putting up with him cheating. You are in a better position than us to know which one it is. It could be both.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2015): Of course you let him go do what he wants but don't wait around for happiness. Why you didn't dump him on the spot is beyond me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2015): Ummm...Well, Number 1, I would be telling him that I wouldn't be taking a vacation with him.
But, I would tell him, as the other aunts and uncles have said here, that I will be taking my vacation alone to find myself some foreign hunky hot men to have sex with, since I won't be able to control myself and especially if I am drinking.
I'd tell him it's great to be single again and that you hope he wishes you well on your vacation adventures.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 September 2015):
 I agree with BrownWolf on this, I would have said, "awesome! I'm up for some hot drunk stupid sex with some super built dudes from there too. Isn't it great we have a hobby we can share together?"
or
"You go, babe, you go! I've sent country X the advance notice that you are arriving, so that all those hot babes can take off their knickers, lie down and await your sexual ministrations. Hallelujah and amen!
"Oh and P.S. when you come back sober and laid, hope you have a plan B because I'm gee oh en ee! G. O. N. E."
or
"I've bought some extra popcorn so me and girlfriends can watch you as you amaze those foreign babes. Be sure to post that on youtube and/or instagram! We can't wait to lol as you put on those moooooves. oooooohhh."
And then, I'd probably break up with him because I'd know he can't control his penis, that his life revolves around alcohol and getting laid.
Good riddance! :)
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 September 2015):
Um...Are you dead and cannot go out and get an extremely good looking man of your own???
Why are you upset?? If my girlfriend said the same thing to me, I would say "Awesome!!! You do that. Time for me to go find me some extremely good looking women too."
Getting upset over foolish people makes you just as foolish. Find someone who is not...foolish, and appreciate what they have. Your boyfriend is only one guy in a world of millions...still think he is the only one you can get???
Remember one thing...He is a BOY FRIEND...not a HUSBAND. He can be replaced very easily :)))
Until he puts a ring on your finger...you don't waste time with people like this.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2015):
 He is seeking permission to cheat on you. toss this at him and see what happens:
"I understand totally honey you are asking for permission to cheat on me" "and that's fine, I think I'll do the same thing"
"we can go on a vacation together and you can sleep with all the exotic sexy foreign women and i'll sleep with the well endowed, sexy hunky rich, considerate foreign men"
"when we get home, I'll leave you for the better man"
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2015): and what you should've said right back to him is that you can't resist incredibly sexy hunks either. Whether you are drunk or not, once those sexy hunks appear your eyes, heart, and feet will follow.
Then give him a geniune and sincere smile and ask where he would like to take you on vacation. LOL
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (28 September 2015):
 Hi,
what your bf of two years has just admitted to you, isn't respectful, polite, nor considerate and nice.
Only you know your bf better, than any of us within this site, so i will ask you.
Was your bf tipsy and/or drunk when he made this statement?
If not, then i would take what he said literally, because he sounds serious, otherwise he'd not even feel the desire and need to express these needs/feelings to you.
I can only imagine, how awful and painful it must have been for you, to have to listen to him utter those words.
You obviously love him and you are obviously committed to him, so to hear him say such a thing, must be liken to a dagger in your heart.
It would feel like having had a very bad dream, except it was no dream. He really said it!
Well, you now know how he feels, so you need to decide what you must do, so that you remain truly happy and content from within.
You need to look after you and don't allow him to destroy you and/or your self-esteem.
The issue here is that, if you remain with him, he most probably will do something detrimental to your relationship and then it would be truly difficult for you to forgive, move on and forget.
Now that you know what you know, how can you truly place 100% trust in your bf?
Also, i am concerned that he isn't fully committed to you, or the relationship that the two of you, have created together, because if he were fully committed to you, he would 'NEVER' say such a thing, especially in your presence.
Having said this, he is doing you a huge favour, by being totally open and transparent with you, thus allowing you to make the appropriate decisions.
It's better to have found out now, than to have found out much later.
When a man truly loves a woman, he would 'NEVER' utter such words, especially in her presence.
Is he trying to hurt you and if so, why?!
He, may i say, sounds rather shallow and very aesthetic, because he sounds like he is all about looks and physical appearance, over anything more concrete, like great communication and a great connection overall.
Looks are only skin deep and if he were to let go of you, his gf, for somebody else, simply because of their looks and/or appearance, well, he doesn't deserve you and you know, you can do much better.
What makes him think/assume that the grass will be greener on the other side?
Also, if he continues living this way, he will 'NEVER' find a true, deep and meaningful connection with any woman and he will soon have a reputation as a 'PLAYER'.
Maybe he just needs time to grow up and mature mentally, but it's hard for me to say, as i don't know him personally.
Most of us look at other people of the opposite gender, even if we are in a serious/committed relationship, but that is as far as it goes.
We don't say to the person we are in love with, that if somebody very attractive appeared before us, that we may possibly sleep with them.
That thought alone, is insane and almost surreal!
I hope i do not hurt, nor offend you any further, but i have to be upfront and completely honest with you here, in order to truly assist you in any way.
I wonder if your bf is truly in love with you?!
I really have to question his feelings for you here.
I personally, don't think he is in love with you, although he may say he does.
He may care for you, but to what degree and are you ok with only this, as a form of commitment?
If he gave an ounce of care about you or your feelings, he wouldn't have mentioned/declared his true inner feelings about being tempted by others to you.
He almost sounds very desperate and he is offending you, by making you look second class, or second best, next to other women out there.
He is trying to say indirectly here, that you don't fully satisfy him.
What he should be saying to you, if he truly cared and what fully committed to you is, 'you are the most gorgeous, amazing and beautiful woman/person i have ever met, it's an honour and a priviledge to be your bf and i wouldn't trade you in for anything in this world, nor would i ever betray you.
It sounds like a lot, but when a man truly loves, it would be easy for him, to say these things to a woman.
This is something along the lines of, what most fully committed men would say, to the woman they truly love and are fully committed to.
Not what your bf has said to you, so now you know, something is wrong, something is amiss and you cannot change how he feels, so you must decide as soon as possible, regardless of how long you've been together, as to what you will do for 'you' and your 'future'.
If he was simply testing you, or joking around, which may i say, is highly unlikely and would be a very sick joke indeed, i would still have difficulty comprehending the why.
I doubt he is joking, it sounds pretty serious, from what you've mentioned.
Is your bf insecure and/or not fully satisfied with you or the relationship you both have? If so, why?
Do you both have serious itimacy issues, that may be making him feel this way?
Only you can answer these questions, but either way, what he said, isn't warranted and he isn't thinking about the impact upon you, nor does he even seem to care, which is an even bigger concern.
He is being disrespectful of your feelings, within your relationship, which ought be a huge 'red flag'.
I would encourage you strongly, to sit down with him in private, asap and discuss openly and honestly with him, how you truly feel about what he said and ask him directly, why he said this and does he truly mean business?
If he says yes, well you'd really need to question the future of your relationship and ask yourself, what is keeping me here, even after knowing what i know?
Don't even try to change him, or his mind. It won't work, but you can change what 'YOU' do!
All the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 September 2015):
 He more likely said it to tease you and bring out insecurity in you. Real cheaters do not announce what they are going to do. If you are travelling together and staying in the same hotel room, he would not be able to cheat. He's an idiot although he's not directly implying you are not the best looking woman, there are things you just don't say to your girlfriend.
I am not the kind that get jealous or devastated if my boyfriend cheated, but I would take offence at what he said. You can say you don't appreciate what he said. You may be tempted to say something to get back at him such as you won't be able to resist good looking man either, or something rash, like "if you want to go cheat go ahead, we would just break up." Of course you can express your honest feelings about this. My honest feeling would be while I am too old to get insecure about this, it's really a bad taste even for a joke. I would feel he's too crude of a man who's sex obsessed. I go to vacations to relax, learn about cultural history and enjoy good food. I would wish my partner would be the same way instead of being disrespectful and therefore ruining the trip.
...............................
|
