A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has just hit me and smashed lots of things in the house because i would not get him something from the fridge when he was in the kitchen and i wasnt what shall i do,we are due to get married and dont think i can spend the rest of my life with this man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 It sounds like he has a possible control problem. He needs to seek help for anger management. If he doesn't then you should walk away and not look back. No one should be treated this way. His outbusrt could seriously endanger your mental, emotional and phyical well being. Stay clear of him until he does what he should to prevent this type of behavior. If he doesn't then forget him and find someone who is more stable it's what you deserve. God bless you and may you find peace with whatever you decide.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Thank God this happened before you married the jerk. You know exactly what you should do, I can tell. Good luck Honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): There are two types of men...those that will hit a woman and those that will not under any circumstance. They learn this growing up. You have one that will hit, he has once and he will again. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being hit? You shouldn't!!!
Get out of there and learn to love yourself enough that you will accept nothing less from the man in your life and only then will you be ready to find the right kind of man you deserve.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Dear Anon
you do not deserve to be treated in this manner, marriage to this guy would be a disaster, if you go ahead with this plan you will end up a human punch bag, for the rest of your life, people who hit woman are the scum of the earth, they get great satisfaction hurting you, you do not need this in your life, come on babe you do not need this, leave him so that you can find a man who will only lift his hand to you to hold you tight, and not want to bash your brains out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): for gods sake do not marry this man, you must tell your friends and especially your family what he has done, if he has done this now what will he do to you if you marry him,this man is nothing but a low life bully who has no respect for you, or anyone. he WILL make your life a misery.
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A
female
reader, gotheblues +, writes (21 October 2007):
 There is never an excuse for a man to lay a hand on you. The worst thing you could do is stay in that abusive relationship, don't be fool to think he will change his ways. He might ask you for all the forgiveness in the world and promise you he will never do it again, but he will eventually. I say this because it happen to best friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): That's a copmletely unreasonable and irrational response.
Do yourself a favor and leave him now. No matter how sorry he says he is, he'll hit you again and harder and harder each time. Imagine if you want to have children, could you leave them alone with such unpredictable and violent behavior? I hope for everyone's sake your answer is no! I work in a childrens hospital and I've seen awful things done to children by men who started off slapping thier wives when they were "drunk" or "had a hard day". It gets worse and worse and just stop it before you end up in hospital. Or worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): He is sick. And if you marry him you are sick too. I'm sure he'll say I'm sorry and promise It will never happen again. He'll be very caring and you'll believe him. And then he'll eventually do it again and the cycle WILL repeat again and again and you'll think you have control over it and that you love him and you'll think (or he'll make you think) is your fault.
Domestic Violence
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence defined as any hurtful or unwanted behavior perpetrated upon an individual by an intimate or prior intimate. Domestic violence can include emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse or economic abuse.
Domestic abuse is used as a form of control or manipulation by the abuser. Domestic violence can occur in a marriage or in a romantic relationship. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by an ex-husband or ex-wife, or by anyone where there is a family tie.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Between three and four million women are abused by someone they trust each year in the United States. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, the number one cause of injuries to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four is physical domestic abuse. The numbers and statistics on file do not account for the countless cases of domestic violence which goes unreported.
About 25% of all attempted suicides by women can be attributed to women who are in abusive relationships.
Drug abuse is more prevalent in women who are being abused.
About 30% of all homicides against women occurs in a domestic violence relationship.
Nearly five million children witness acts of violence against their mother each year.
What You Should Know about Domestic Violence
Individuals who abuse their loved ones come from every economic and racial background. Many abusers have good qualities and most abusers do not look like they would be abusers. Abusers may have many friends, a successful career and show no outward signs to others that he or she is an abuser.
Physical violence can also be accompanied by other forms of domestic violence. Likewise, many times a woman may find herself in a domestic violence situation which does not involve any form of physical abuse. However, a woman who is being emotionally humiliated or threatened, verbally assaulted, sexually abused or economically exploited is a victim of domestic violence. Many women who are victims of domestic violence report that their emotional and psychological wounds have a deeper impact on their lives than the actual physical wounds.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to places in your area where you can seek help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): I do not care how intense the words were between you-I don't care how badly you both were arguing or what. This man lost control and hurt you..he lashed out at you. This was not love. This was an issue over power and control and he lost control of himself. It really does not matter why he did this..the fact is he did it. He has an anger management problem and he simply can't be using you as a punching bag whenever he can't get his temper under control. His actions should frighten you tremendously and they should be telling you something about him. If you are still there, I have to ask. Why are you not putting an end to this relationship immediately and why are you seemingly so willing to put up with him hitting you? Please take a good, hard look at who are you planning to marry and realize that this man, even though you love him, attempted to cause harm on you. Reach out for help from others and seek advisement from a counselor at a domestic violence shelter if you find it difficult to leave him. I would think the people at these shelters can give you some perspective into what can happen to you and any future family you may have with this man,in your future. It's likely you won't leave him but I for one, hope you have the courage and strength to do so, and I sincerely hope you heed this warning.
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A
female
reader, Yogichickk +, writes (21 October 2007):
 First, ask him calmly to explain himself. Then, tell him how it made you feel.
The truth is what happened once will happen again if the behavior is not corrected!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Woah, hold off on marrying him! There are some anger issues here. Yeah as Troubledtoomuch had suggested, definitely look into where this is coming from. Has this happened before? If so, then that is a clear indication that he needs help. If it hasn't happened before, really try to get to the bottom of his behavior. At this moment, I wouldn't suggest you leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): heya girl,
im giving you advice, hoping that you will take it on board. DO NOT MARRY THIS SO CALLED MAN. i jus came on this site cause i couldnt sleep, and read this, lisen girl, any man that harms you in any way does not have your best intrest at heart, you might love him or at least think you do, but do you really want to marry a man who doesnt put ur saftey first, where is his respect for you? where is his morals? oh my god girl..leave him! it might be the first time, but if you allow him to think this is acceptable then my friend be prepared for the next time he looses his temper..leave while you are still strong, leave before you make the biggest mistake of your life! im the same age as you, if my boyfriend ever hit me, i would get up and go, and it might be hard to do this, become you care for him, but ask your self this, when u was little and dreamt of getting married..were these dreams full of a man beating you, hitting you? ... you are young, plenty of time to meet a nice handsome fella who will treat you like a lady should be treated. from a sista to a sista leave this man...wohoo girl power! ok ill shut up now! but really hes no good! god bless x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): I am tempted to say that you should leave him as soon as possible, but at the very least don't get married until you can get this resolved. I'm afraid that it will only get worse after you are married. This is really an indication of violent tendencies and it's a good thing that they showed up before you were married. If you still have a desire to continue with this relationship then at the very least you should bring up the subject of him getting anger management counseling. See how he reacts to that suggestion. If he is remorseful and agrees then maybe there is some hope. If the suggestion angers him or he tells you that you have a problem or something equally ridiculous then get rid of him quickly and very carefully.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): get out now and i mean instantly,when any man can do that he`s a coward and bully and dont deserve any female contact
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female
reader, Msblessed +, writes (21 October 2007):
 he sounds really violent has he done this before? either way you should really be worried for your safety because he could get a lot worse when you get married
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female
reader, sexygurlchristmas2008 +, writes (21 October 2007):
 leave him before it gets worse
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Do not marry him. He is a time bomb waiting to go off & he will only get worse in time. Trust me my ex used to hit me if I didn't do what he did like one time I didn't call & order him food b/c I was deathly sick & couldn't move. So he started punching me all over while I laid in bed helplessly & cried. I would definetly work on getting away from him.
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