A
female
age
36-40,
*olovley
writes:My boyfriend of less than a year just broke up with me. I am 31. I feel so alone and devastated. He was everything you could want in a guy except he suffered from depression. He couldn't seem to get himself in the mainframe to love someone else. He has 5 girlfriends and has done the exact same thing to them, leaving without question after nearly a year.He is so removed from his emotions he is dealing with everything just fine and I am bereft. All of my friends are in relationships and to tell you the truth no one really seems to care that much. Everyone tells me to move on but its only been a week. although I am going to work and am my usual chatty self, I am utterly devastated. Any advice would be truly welcome x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 Breaking up with someone is always devastating, even when it isn't a good break up, perfect relationship or if you saw it coming. The bottom line here is that you did nothing wrong and this is behaviour that he has exhibited in the past and unfortunately the only person who could possibly change that is him.
I feel bad for you because that feeling never gets any easier with any break-up, but it does ease off after a while and (although you feel awful right now) one day you will just wake up feeling so much more in a state of equilibrium that you really don't mind the break up anymore.
Good luck to you. I mean that. It will work out - just hold in there a little bit longer and know that your feelings are more than valid, it is like going into mourning, but you will come out of it the other side.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 September 2016):
 He is unable to have a relationship for more than a year because he has a mental block not to allow himself to get to attached, depression really is a horrible thing.
It has only been a week, nobody should expect you to be over a relationship, if that's what your friends think then they are not true friends. My advice is to keep busy, have you anyone that you can be open with to? You need to be able to cry on someone's shoulder. It is hard for you, but you will get better, you will move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Well you know it's not YOU.. it's a pattern of his and basically an issue he has to deal with. Has nothing to do with you personally.
You know that you need to move on .. because just as he never got back together with any of those 5 previous girls, he most likely will not get back together with you.
You know you feel devastated ... the only thing you can do is to keep yourself busy and let the days pass until you are completely over him. Some people say it takes the same amount of time you've been in a relationship with the person to be completely over them. That means if you've dated a year, then most likely it'll take a year to get over him. Bright side is with each passing day, you're closer to that year.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): He has had 5 previous relationship and he backs out of every single one before the year is out .. This isn't you .. you're still the wonderful loving girl who went into the relationship thinking it would be wonderful .. He on the other hand needs an emotion filler then when it gets to much he feels like the relationship is getting more serious or the person he is with is .. He completely withdraws ..This is no slight on you .. He needs help .. and he should stay single until he gets help ..And stop hurting other peeps On a personal level I would feel maybe the need to write him a nice but honest letter . Saying you've noted he completely withdraws and he should before going into Any other relationship seek help and therapy as not to have any other female left feeling like he has you ..It is only a week and I don't think your friends are being supportive enough .. how about your mum and dad .. I would give you a hug sweetie .. I'm raising two girls and I wouldn't want them feeling like how you are bit sometimes life throws you a curve ball to take you where you need to go .. Why not get some counselling as well someone to talk to vent at .. cry at without you feel your dragging them down .. you still have here as well .. and we will listen .. We always will .. You have every right to mourn .. to grieve it .. and until you do .. you need to vent .. hence somewhere other than friends .. Then once that's done .. pick yourself up as your stronger than you think .. you must be you posted on here .. that takes guts.. to expose yourself to strangers so you have it in you ..and take slow steps .. New hobbies .. Make friend's ..don't view everyone like this guy ..Until then I send a hug and the words that with every spring the snow does melt and when your ready too you'll be able to move on ..And we are here Chin up
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 September 2016):
 Sunshine is what you need Solovely. You have been living under a storm cloud for a year. Get out and do some things in the sun. Keep in touch. Let us know how you feel after 2 weeks, and three.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): As a mental health nurse .. you see the common pattern . You mentioned it ..He has had 5 previous relationship and he backs out of every single one before the year is out .. This isn't you .. your still the wonderful loving girl who went into the relationship thinking it would be wonderful .. He on the other hand needs an emotion filler
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