A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This is gonna sound strange and like I'm completely overthinking things, but my boyfriend is NOT the jealous type at all. I don't know whether or not this is a really good thing or if deep down he doesn't really care that much for our relationship. He just seems so laid back about everything it actually worries me a bit.For example last week I went to one of my friend's 21st birthday parties. My boyfriend couldn't make it as he had to work, but my ex-boyfriend was there. He'd known my friend for years and they go way back, so I was never going to begrudge her inviting him as well. I warned my boyfriend that he would be going and was open and honest about it. I thought he'd hit the roof and would be really unhappy about it, but he wasn't. He said it was fine and he trusted me 100% so just told me to go and have a good time. I didn't get a text or a phone call off him all night to check up on me. Nothing happened with my ex of course, we barely said two words to each other all night and just awkwardly avoided each other. But if the shoe was on the other foot and it was him going to a party with an ex of his there as well I'd absolutely hate it. Never mind ringing or texting him constantly I'd have been sacking off work completely and insisted on going with him, I wouldn't have even cared about my job. I dunno if that's just me. But as well as that I have loads of other male friends who I message a lot and am in WhatsApp groups with and he never bats an eyelid at that either. I've never caught him having a sly look through my phone or ever probing me about who I'm messaging, it just doesn't bother him. Is this normal? Surely nobody can be that laid back about this kind of thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2022): Well it could be that he is a normal chilled out guy who knows the minute you did cheat or something like that he would have the confidence just to dump you because you would have showed him exactly what kind of person you were so he’s not that bothered or..
Or he’s just not showing he’s bothered because let’s face it whilst he doesn’t seem bothered you most certainly are! And therefore he’s getting your attention and he’s actually frustrating you. Or …
He knows you are deliberately trying to make him jealous and he can’t be bothered with all that drama because he’s more mature.
Who knows but there’s a couple more thoughts for you to be thinking about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2022): He is secure and is offering you trust. I think he loves you enough to trust you. It's up to you to cherish and value his trust. If you're the jealous-type, and would put him through what you described; I don't foresee this relationship lasting. He's not going to put-up with being distrusted, when he trusts you. Jealous-people feel they own you like one of their possessions; that isn't love, it's ownership and control. I suggest you do everything you can to control your jealousy.
You are a hypocrite. You admit to having a lot of male-friends and you tested his resolve by mentioning your ex would be at the party. He's counting on YOU to behave YOURSELF; he can't control you, or other people around you. He might be the keeper, but I'd say the jury is still out on YOU!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2022): Yes, it's normal.It's much less normal what you say you would do if you were in his shoes, texting and calling and carrying on and even thinking of jeopardizing your job. Well, I suppose that your young age explains how you haven't quite come into your own confidence-wise and still cling to your insecurities .But (mentally, not just agewise ) people make a willing ,wise choice , choose a partner whom they feel they can totally trust , and then commit to respect this choice ( and their partner ).Just like your bf did. Of course , we are all human and we have our fragilities and I am sure that if your bf knew of or saw some other guy openly pursuing you, and maybe you acting flattered by the attention, he would have a problem with that. But an ex ? If he is your ex , it means that he belongs to your past , that you do not want that guy anymore - so, if your current bf knows you as a sincere, honest person, why should he worry if you happen to be in the same place as your ex ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 July 2022):
 "Is this normal? Surely nobody can be that laid back about this kind of thing?".
I think it's actually HEALTHY to not be jealous. I don't feel like it means he doesn't care.
I don't know your guy but, I would presume that HE feels secure with you and he TRUSTS you to know how to behave.
Also if HIM being in the room with an ex at a party would make you SO insanely jealous that you would "beg" off work to "supervise him" then perhaps you are not really trusting HIM.
Someone who is WILLING to cheat will cheat regardless.
He is treating YOU as an equal. Not a "possession".
Sounds like a Keeper to me.
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