A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years. all this year he has been unemployed. this has put a huge strain on our relationship because i have to buy all the food and we cant go out anywhere or do anything unless i pay, and i dont earn much either. we argue about it all the time. he is trying to get a job but no luck yet. im not sure what do to, i dont want to make him feel incompetent, im wondering wether we should take a break untill he finds a job or if i should just stay with him waiting. i love him very much but this is so annoying. when he had a job he was very generous to me. also, my birthdays coming up and i know hes not going to be able to get me anything nice, take me out or make me feel special at all. ive told him he can be romantic without money but he hasnt done anything about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbrandee its not lacking in intimacy whatsoever. but thanks for the answers!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): I think you should take a break for a little. That will shake him up and I'm sure he'll find a job.
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A
female
reader, Brandee77  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 I know he is just your boyfriend and not your husband, so you never took any vows to him but if you can be there for the good times and then just want to jet for the bad times. You don't deserve him.
I would not care if my husband and I had to live on the streets. As long as we are together and love each other, we could be in the poor house for all I care.
You have probably put a strain / stress on relationship itself if you happen to mention to him about not working; especially if this has come up on a regular basis and this maybe why the relationship is lacking in intimacy.
How you feel about him should not matter in money. Yes having a double income obviously puts less strain in a household - BUT that should not be the main reason to be with someone. The main reason to be there is because of the love you have for them and how you want them in your life no matter what. If these are not your feelings, maybe you should do him the honor of letting him go. Because he deserves someone who is willing to stand by him for the good as well as the bad. It seems obvious based on your statement / question - all you seem to care about is what he can offer or give to you.
I have a statement that I read the other day and fits here:
"If you don't have the capacity to give, you shouldn't have the audacity to take."
Put yourself in his shoes, and how you act towards him... Think about how he is be feeling; Then really think about how you would feel if he was acting or saying these things to you. If you have ever heard the statement " Treat others as you would want to be treated"... Try doing that for a change.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aseret99 +, writes (19 August 2010):
There must be a reason why the relationship has been on and off for 3 yrs. if its been off more than on then maybe you should look into keeping it off. it is hard to find a job but if you keep doing everything for him then he doesnt have to hurry and get a job cause you always find a way to do it.... or thats how he sees it. Him not being able to get you something for your bday shouldnt be an issue for you sometimes men can surprise you. not to sound like a dush but maybe he is in it for what you offer him. you cant always fix what is broken. the point of maintaining a relationship is because you see a future with him and if you dont then move on and dont let him say that he dont have a place to stay make you feel bad. you will see that you will be less stressful once he is out. in the long run only you can make a choice, whatever anyone post it is you that can make it work
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