A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my bf and I have been together for a year seeing each other everyday since we met doing everything together never really having any major disagreements. we both have children from ex marriages and have been going through custody battles his parents live with him due to helping him care for his kids and his night time work schedule., his parents aren't too fond of me just due to the fact that his ex wife gave them such a hard time and makes them weary about any gf his parents from what I've seen are over bearing and manipulating to an extent giving him if guilttrips regarding his time spent with me although when we are together we do stuff with his kids and my kids its not like just us two. we've spoke about the future and we are always in it together and he has clothes and important paperwork here at my house and the last three weeks seems distant not coming to see me like before I've asked him what's going on with us he says he just has a lot to do at his house and wants to be home more and he feels guilty if he's at my house too much and feels bad being at his house because I'm waiting on him and is working a lot and hated letting me down. I told him I understand and that i love him and I'm here for him but it I'd killing me because i don't know where we are where we stand and he says we are ok and he loves me its just him feeling stressed about everything that maybe we should be friends for now because he hates hurting my feelings andknowing I'm sad when he's unable to come see me that sometimes he just wants to be home relaxing and he wants to sleep in his bed and it'd the two households.I said even if he's not dating me its gonna be two households and he said I'm not even trying to date anyone right now, i don't even want a girlfriend right now but he loves me its just him he's got a lot going on. so what I'm asking to readers is, is it possible to salvage this relationship with giving him space its just been such a drastic change and we've shared so much? needless to say its been five days since that conversation and i haven't called him or text him which I'd so hard to do but I'm trying to be strong to give him the time and space he needs but my heart hurts so bad i miss him...I wonder does he miss me? does he think of me? does he love me? can we get through this, is time apart the answer?
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Thank you for your answer to my issue. I wanted to update that since the day of our conversation I have not heard from him not a call or a text. I have only text him once a few days ago just telling him that I have all his clothes and paperwork bagged up and he could pick it up or if he didn't want to come to my house I'd meet him somewhere and i got no response nothing.... The paperwork is important taxes and court paperwork regarding his custody issues which all have confidential information and i don't hate him so i can't throw it out but it was hurting meeeee to see all this stuff so i packed it up and just put it away in the back of a closet in hopefully he'll realize we at adults and he can take it without any questions asked I've come to grip with the fact that I'm not gonna get a straight answer of what happened to us we were so close and although I know it wasn't my fault all i did was love him and i know he once cared for me. I still feel like i did something wrong or maybe i could have done something different but I'll never know and only time will heal...thank you for your answer my heart is slowly healing....
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 It sounds like your boyfriend is certainly struggling with balancing his love life and his obligations to his parents AND his children. He could be coming to grips with how to date and still make his children (and job) the #1 priority in his life. Sadly, it sounds like you are on the losing side of the timeshare.
I think when children are involved -- especially during the dating process -- you really have to be open to sharing what little time you have. Also, you may have to accept being #2 (or even #3) in his life's priorities.
While there's no way for me to truly determine what his feelings are for you, it does seem like life is forcing him to spend a good deal of time away from you. You'd think he could spare a phone call or two, but apparently he doesn't have time even for this.
My concern though is you need to ask yourself what YOU are willing to accept in a relationship. So far, you aren't happy accepting the scraps and while it may getting better in the future, this lack of communication could carry on for sometime and what is painful is his lack of action on even attempting to make you feel cherished and wanted.
Your feelings are certainly valid.
While you've had the right discussions, and they are important, what REALLY counts are his actions. If he continues to make you a low priority in his life, and you remain unhappy, I think you'll have a decision to make. Hopefully, things will change.
However, the responsibilities each of you have with your existing children will certainly test your relationship. Just be sure BOTH of you are up for the challenge.... children aren't any easier to deal with because you are in love.
Eddie
...............................
|
