A
female
age
30-35,
*mithhaz
writes:Hello guysMy boyfriend and have been together for 5months,but we've known each other for 3years. last year I moved but we kept in touch. we would email and text a lot and at some point we realized we had feelings for each other then we started dating at first he would text and call and emAil all the time and call me pet names it was so sweet and romantic we have planned to meet this November for thanksgiving break, but for the past couple weeks I feel like he doesn't give me time anymore. we are both very busy. I work and go to school and so does he but I can't go a day without texting or calling or emailing. I feel like am the one doing all the work, like he only make me fit in his schedule when it's convenient for him and I told him that, and he was like I hear you, but when I don't call you it doesn't mean I love you less it's just because am too busy. after that talk he texted and called that day and was being sweet but after that nothing changed I feel more like his friend than his girlfriend. My friends give me more attention than he does and I would do anything so that when he emails he includes something sweet like pet names, but his emails or text are like hey how you?? I don't need him to call me all day cause i don't have that time either but I want affection from him I want us to talk like lovers and not friends!!Is it that maybe he is not ready to have a girlfriend at this time of his life??? maybe he is too busy to give attention to anybody else?? or maybe this is a guy thing?? I really love him that's why I am trying to understand him! For the past two weeks the sweetest email from him I got was you are the best miss!I know he loves me and he is not seeing anybody else that am sure of,but I feel like am always available to him while my time seems unimportant to him.Thanks guys for your help!
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (8 October 2010):
 There's nothing wrong with wanting his attention, just don't be clingy, that's my point. My boyfriend is the same as yours, and I've had the same problems, so I know how it feels, that's why I'm, telling you these things.
We couldn't see each other too often, so we used to communicate mostly over the internet and he felt frustrated, because he couldn't express his love like this. I told him that he doesn't care about me and that he doesn't love me, when in fact, I was only craving for his attention, because I felt insecure. Love doesn't mean chatting, you can't see his emotions, you can't feel anything, it's too impersonal. Maybe it's hard for him to express it through a machine.
So how is he supposed to be romantic over the internet? To write things you want to hear, knowing that right in that moment he might be busy, doing something else? How is he acting when you are together? Does he show you love ? Does he make you feel important? Long distance relationships build insecurities - once he won't answer your expectations in that moment, you think it's the end of the relationship. Plain simple. Acting clingy is the result of the insecurity. It's some sort of test, if you will, it shows how string this relationship is - insecurity arises from not trusting him. Lack of trust doesn't lead to anything and can't build anything.
In order to have a normal life, follow your daily plan of activities and act like your boyfriend is one the second plan. He's already doing so.
No matter how much you worry about it, no matter how much you toss and turn because he isn't giving you the attention you need, this won't change anything from his part. He already told you ONCE that he is busy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If he stops loving you, I guarantee you that you'll be the first to find out.
A
female
reader, Smithhaz +, writes (8 October 2010):
Smithhaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,thanks a lot for your answer and I hear you but whats so wrong about wanting my boyfriend's attention??He is so busy I know and so am I,as I said I don't need to be the center of his world but I want to feel more important to him,is that too much asking??And again people are different maybe for you if your boyfriend doesn't pay you attention it doesn't matter but for me it really matters am a romantic person and I show it to him!!But thanks for your input,I will try to ignore the lack of attention and see how it works out!
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (7 October 2010):
How is he supposed to give you that affection? Through emails?
I'm sorry to say this, but I think that you're looking for attention. He's been very clear when he told you that he loves you, but he's too busy with other things too. He knows how to separate his domains: love is love, work is work, which is very healthy, in my opinion. He knows his priorities in life. He knows that he has a life with or without you. And so should you do.
Don't worry that he might love you less if he doesn't call. Besides, after they got you, they stop "chasing" you. He knows you love him and that you're there. Get busy, stop whining, go out with friends, have fun, do your work, enjoy your life. He's there. If he didn't love you, he'd have broken up with you a long time ago.
Best wishes!
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