A
female
age
30-35,
*shyCole
writes:so, my boyfriend is the WORST flirt. He flirts with girls online, so its not like i can exactly ignore it, which ive tried my hardest to do. He calls them, plays xbox with them, and just overall acts likes hes interested in them. and when i get mad at them because they wont stop, he says "oh dont mess with____, theyre my good/best friend!" he says that about ALL OF THEM. i tried to ignore it, like many people have suggested, and it doesnt work. he just thinks im over it. Ive tried getting some guy friends to fake flirt with me to let him see how it feels, and he doesnt care. he told me he doesnt care. im just stuck and dont know what to do. ive confronted him about it, and he stills does it. ive yelled and ive approached it calmly and nothing is workiing. its taken a turn for the worse since he began calling them at 1 am and on through the wee hours of the morning. but he still tells me he loves me says he wants to be my boyfriend. what should i do??
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female
reader, AshyCole +, writes (20 January 2011):
AshyCole is verified as being by the original poster of the question he does cover his trail, i found out from a friend he goes onto other facebook accounts and talks to them. I have no issue with him having chick friends at all but when hes like "i love you, best friend! 3" and theyre calling him cute and saying he has amazing eyes and saying stuff like 'i want you to be my teddy bear" and he lets it happen and says stuff like "ill give you a big bear hug!" it kinda upsets me..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): It sounds harmless to me. If he goes to a chat room that is geared towards dating,sex,turning on cams etc then that would be different. When he does something and hides it,lies about it,covers his trail then that is the time to get up and walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): What really needs to be sorted is whether or not he's flirting or if you're having jealousy or insecurities over him have female friends in general. Right or wrong, some guys don't always feel that it's bad to have female friends and he may not consider what he's doing as flirting.
Sometimes it boils down to looking at how you're approaching him about it. Are you approaching him like the jealous girlfriend and over small, insignificant things, or are you coming at him sincerely and assertively - as in not blaming him or accusing him, but stating how you feel civilly?
If you go at him with accusations that he's being a jerk, then he's going to think you're overreacting. Again, you also have to look at things from an outside perspective. Is he really flirting, or are you just uncomfortable with him talking to other girls aside from you? Playing games to get back at him isn't going to do anything other than enable him to continue.
If you have or try to approach him in assertive manner, stating that you're not comfortable with it, then that's one thing. For instance, you could say, "It really hurts me when you _____. I feel like ___." At this point, if he hasn't changed his tune, then he likely won't. If you have to throw ultimatums at him and he only changes after that fact, rather than you stating how it makes you feel, then he's probably going to continue again later or just resent you.
Call it lack of maturity or simply due to the fact that some people just have different viewpoints in this case. If this is so, then it's up to determine whether or not you want to deal with it, if you're willing to compromise on points together, or if you want to find a guy who sees things the way you do.
Bottom line is that you are both young (yeah, I hated hearing that too and I'm 32 now) and, trust me, there are plenty of guys out there. If you two can't reach common ground here, then there's no point continuing as it'll just continue to make you feel paranoid ad will go unresolved. You shouldn't have to play games or take action to get reaction with a guy who cares or is at least on your same level.
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