A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out that my one year boyfriend is still contacting his most recent ex-friend. They were in a long distance relationship before we met , he broke up with her and we got together very soon after. Seems like that she wants to still remain friends and text /FB him once in a while he usually doesn't really reply that much. So I guess is fine to have some minimal courteous contact. But recently he's been texting her almost very other day and they would call on Skype and watch tv shows together??? We don't even watch tv over the phone. I don't know what the hell is with that and the text he sent her sounds very flirty . It 's simply very odd situation
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): No, he broke up with her for me, so I don't know what's the deal with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): He found you on the rebound and hasn't quite gotten over his make-believe relationship with his LDR online ex-girlfriend.She has rekindled his feelings by casually contacting him on FB. He hasn't truly broken emotional ties with her.They filled so much of their free time together in the past, they were convinced it was a true and active relationship. People become addicted to the text messaging or e-mails, and Skype adds reinforcement to their belief something is real about it. It's a hard habit to break.He hasn't really let go or moved on, and she has more or less just become a friend. Being flirty is how he strokes her ego in order to keep her around. There is a co-dependence and their contact is habitual. An addiction.The distance between them will not allow him to be physically unfaithful to you; but I think he needs to ween himself from her, and pay more attention to you. It was really unhealthy for her to reintroduce her friendship; if he hasn't detached emotionally.Nowadays people do sexting and exchange sexually explicit pics; so they can cheat in the virtual sense. Therefore, your concerns can be justified. Breaking his addiction will not be easy. He will resist and he will be sneakier about keeping in touch with her.This is where communication with your partner is important.You need to understand why he feels it's okay to carry on privately with an ex; apart from your active relationship which is in the present and in-person?He has to know that it is hurtful to you. It adds tension and stress to your relationship. It makes you uneasy.You must inform him that you do not feel comfortable about it. You can't build your trust on a relationship that includes a third party with whom he had a romantic interest; and apparently still does. He must move on and justify your commitment to him.Otherwise, you are just a warm body to fill in where his online girlfriend can't. "Ex-girlfriend" means she is no longer his girlfriend. She is a "friend" from the past.Sharing moments doing things he doesn't do with you is notinnocent. It's placing her in a special place; which you can't do when you have a new girlfriend. Sharing movies and quiet time with her is unacceptable. It is proof he hasn't gotten over her. He is seducing her with the nostalgia. Remembering the good ole days by doing the things they used to do. Maybe it wasn't his idea. Maybe that was hers. Wrong in either case.He has to come to the realization he's doing these things they used to do out of false hope for reconciliation. He can't have his cake and eat it too. A virtual LDR girlfriend, and a flesh and blood girlfriend to warm his bed.Although the relationship he has with her may be technically platonic, it isn't emotionally. He's hanging on in hopes she may come back. The friendship comes too soon after their breakup.I'm sure if you are honest; and assert your rights as his current girlfriend, this will change. They have to, or you're building your relationship on a lie. You may as well be single; instead of being a third-wheel in your own relationship.You're not just his online LDR ex-girlfriend's avatar. You're his woman.
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