A
female
age
41-50,
*s.wayne
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months now, he was previoulsy married for 6 years with 2 little girls. He is in the process of finalizing the divorce in which he filed for but he is still in love with his ex. They didn't get along, fought all the time but he was just so in love with her he has not gotten over it. He has sat me down and told me how he still has these feelings for her because she is the mother of his children and that they were together for so long that it takes time but he doesn't want to be with her like that and wants to establish a relationship with me, can this work?
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female
reader, Ms.wayne +, writes (2 February 2011):
Ms.wayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello reader, I was checking my email and saw I had a response to this question, I completly forgot about it. Well an update is "drum roll"""""" I left him along a time ago and I'm engaged to a man that I have been with for a year and a half now. That old boyfriend turned out to be a loser and never got over his ex and funny thing is, she has moved on and doesn't want him. lol. So anyone relating to this question, get out! It can never work, I just had to learn the hard way, but there was light at the end of my tunnel, thank god. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I am in the same situation because my boyfriend he's still got a feelings for his ex-wife although he's not telling me by words but I can feel it, besides they keeping in touch with each other everyday and it HURTS. But slowly I realized that I'm just hurting myself in this relationship and I don't think is worth a tears and I don't think he love me enough, because if he does he knows how to respect my feelings. It sad to say GOODBYE to him because I love him so much but I rather I hurt once that hurting myself all the time. Always think that as long as there's tomorrow there's always HAPPINESS behind it. Please don't stay in the relationship that just bring you sadness and worries everyday, not worth it.
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A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 although your boyfriend is being honest i think he was tactless saying he still has feelings for his ex.he sounds like he needs a bit of space.be wary that he doesnt start using you as a counsellor.im in a very similar setup its just my b/f runs to his ex(they have a 15yr old son)every chance he gets like shes his mum.now after what hes said he may have planted a seed of doubt in your mind.unless you are very strong the seed will turn into a nagging doubt.maybe try and distance yourself from him a little and see if he cares enough to pursue you.if he doesnt at least you will have created some distance.good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Well it might work for him, but I doubt you're going to be happy knowing you come second in his affections, it will lead to resentment, and I think he is being quite unfair in telling you this, hardly a strong foundation for a new relationship is it! Maybe he got involved with you a little too soon, clearly he hasn't had the time to get over his marriage, and you may find that his feelings for his ex will drive a wedge between you. Are you in love with him, and if so how do you feel about his obvious love for his soon to be ex wife? Does it bother you or make you feel insecure about your relationship with him? If it does get out now before you invest too much of your time, one way love rarely end with anything but tears!
I can understand he still has feeling for his ex and maybe always will to some degree, her being the mother of his children and all that, but are you prepared to wait however long it's going to take for him get over her?
I know he was just being honest with you regarding his feelings, but it must be a bitter pill to swallow.
You need to ask yourself if this is what you want for yourself and if you can live with the knowledge on a day to day basis. I hope you do what's best for you, only you know if you can deal with the situation as it is or not.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Yeah, I think you guys can work. Listen, he's right in that he's always going to be attached to the ex-wife, but it will grow to being solely through the children and their best interests and welfare. I really wouldn't worry about it and definitely wouldn't refer to it as a loving, passionate thing if that's what's got you worried.
So, in short, you have a strong thing going. As time grows with you and more time away from the ex, things will shake out to a rhythm and routine that everyone will get comfortable with.
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