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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. He was really upset the other day (I have never seen him like this before). Later that night he admitted to be that he has been spending time with his ex, and that he is still in love with her. She is in a serious relationship with another man, and they are in the process of looking to buy a house together (his ex and her new beau).They separated 2-3 years ago, but he admitted he can't let go of her and it has cost him his past 2 girlfriends. He said he has been thinking about what if I bring up the "L" word, but told me "I can't love you". I am a mess inside. If he is so in love with her and he "can't love me", why hasn't he broken up with me, and why has he invited me to spend the holidays with him and his family? What should I do? Is it likely that he will break up with me soon? If he never got over her, why has he taken this long to show it? Is there anything I should/shouldn't do to try to salvage our relationship? THe next day I asked him if having me around makes this situation easier or harder for him to deal with, to which he replied "I hoenstly don't know". I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
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male
reader, Tim +, writes (22 November 2005):
 he is deeply in love with her, first comes first serves stands for first love neva dies till we die, do nothing just wait if he loves u he will be urs all ur life if not then u will be another victim despite it has cost him his past 2 girlfriendsu will be the 3rd wake up dont hurt urself any further, he could not ur man, dont force people to love u when they really dont from heart and they love somebody else that is u can't change it at all just to move on and find the right person who loves u and who was born to love u for eva.
A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (21 November 2005):
 You should probably talk with him about this and see what he wants to do then. Maybe you should suggest him NOT spending time with his ex or he will never get over her. There is definitely no reason for him to be spending time with her if it's interfering with his own life and she has carried on with hers. Ask him if he wants some time on his own and think things through, but let him know that you're not going to wait around forever for him to get over his ex. It's been awhile to where he should've been able to move on with his life intead of being stuck in the past. If you don't want to lose him suggest doing more things together so that he has his time occupied and can't think about his ex or see her.
If this continues though, you should probably just forget about him because it'll be useless and you don't want to waste your time with someone if you're not first on their list. You're the one that is his girlfriend now, and if he don't realize that and still wants his ex, just let him go and do what he needs to do. He don't need to be stringing you along the whole way while he decides what to do. He may be losing a third girlfriend because of this ex of his and if he wants to let that ruin every relationship he tries to pursue, then so be it. You can't change how he feels you can just try and prevent it from happening.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, trixy +, writes (21 November 2005):
I think you should let him go, he has told you how he feels, what more does he have to say to you. I think this man has to have some time on his own to think about what he wants and to try and get his ex out of his head. How can he carry on with this relationship with you if he is thinking of his ex. Let him go and you go out and have some fun with your mates and bring your self first, as i feel you are being treated like secound best to his ex. Life is to short to waist your time one someone who will never love you.
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