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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been going out with my b/f for a month. The issue is -- he broke up with his ex, 3 weeks before he met me. He broke up with her because he didn't see a future with her, but is good friends with her. Which I thought he should of made clear before we dated. we had a arguement about this, he has already said- that if I was to give him a ultimatim , he will not stop seeing his ex just because I feel uncomfortable with it. I'm not sure I can be truly happy with him seeing his ex, if we were to get really serious. We do care about each other, and I know he won't cheat on me. What do u guys think ? Is there a future- should I make this an issue again? What can I do -- ignore it and not talk about her?thanks xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Ok, me and my ex brokeup and he had trust issues and was insecure, so he jumped into a relation only a few weeks after us seperating. I was still madly in love with him, but he thought it was over. In the end he has been dating someone else, and he told me he would pick me over her any day. If she put the ultimatum down. He said he just started things with her because he figured I had started a new relationship. We have already been together since he has been with her. I am hoping he will come back to me, but if he doesnt soon I will move on and she can have him, but I dont see how he is serious with her, I know he still loves me, he just isnt ready for a relationship, so wont be with her either. Yet, I hate cheaters and the fact that he has cheated on her, even with me, makes me think very differently about the person he is. Dont know if that helps.
A
female
reader, janelle123  +, writes (11 February 2007):
sorry, read it wrong, i thought it said he would give her up..SORRY. but thats excatly what my boyfriend said aswell, he said he wouldnt give her up.and i stayed with him, and look how it ended up.. he cheated.. so just be careful..
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A
female
reader, janelle123 +, writes (11 February 2007):
ok well, i was in a similar situation,i started going out with my boyfriend,bout yeah 3 weeks after he broke up with his ex. They continued to be good friends. Me and my boyfriend have been going out 2 and a half years.. and i just found out he cheated on me, with his ex. I have given him another chance, but i used to think he would never ever cheat. But obviously i got proved wrong, so just from experience, and so your boyfriend wont make a mistake.. get rid of the ex. Just ask him to stop being friends with her, hes already said he would which proves you mean alot to him.
Goodluck
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 In your situation, I guess you should be worried. He only broke up with her three weeks before you. The thing that really draws attention here is that you didn't give him the ultimatum; he actually brought it up and told you that he'd choose the ex over you. Sounds like some unsolved feelings there. The thing is its only been a month that he's been seeing you. Its gonna be pretty difficult to figure out if you have a future after such a short time. I'm with rythmandblues, give him the ultimatum. If he does choose his ex, its better for you to know now than later. Imagine he's still making you uncomfortable this way in a year's time...
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Your boyfriend is right. Are you saying that if your boyfriend had told you he was staying friends with your ex before you started going out that it would have affected your decision? Staying friends with exes is a difficult but mature thing to do. After all they were important to each other for such a long time and bet it makes you feel secure, knowing that if you and your boyfriend break up you can stay friends too. He hasn't given you a reason not to trust him so you should give him the benefit of the doubt until he does. Just because they were close once doesn't mean they still want to be together in the same way.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): In my opinion, exes need to stay just that, gone. If he is still seeing her as a friend, he has unresolved feelings for her. The fact that you started a rather steady relationship after only 3 weeks of him breaking up with her is not a great thing either. When he met you, he was on the rebound, and more often than not, rebound relationships do not last forever, which is OK, unless that is what you are expecting.
Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. If I were you, I would tell him it is either you or the ex...and see where he stands. Hope it all goes well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): The same thing happened to me actually. My boyfriend broke up his girlfriend a week before asking me out. He wasn't interested in her anymore but was still friends with her. Turns out he didn't have all of his feeings worked out with her and well cheated on me, confessed, apologized, and was forgiven. If your boyfriend didn't see a future with his ex it doesn't mean he isn't still confused about his feelings for her. If you want to be serious with your boyfriend he has to be serious too. Nothing wrong with being friends but hanging out with his ex isn't cool if you're uncomfortable with it. Tell him to decide how he feels about you and if you're more important than his ex he should not be friends with her anymore. If not then there's plenty of other guys would'd be willing to do that for you I'm sure.
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