A
female
age
41-50,
*s.wayne
writes:Ok so my problem is that my boyfriend is reeeally shallow and this is why. He's creole(blk and french) he's only dated mixed females, he's told me in the past that his preference are females that have "good hair" little breast,big butt and that are light skinned OH and his fear? is having a nappy headed child! he has 2 little girls from his previous relationship the mother of course is mixed,little breast,big butt, light skinned. How do I look? I'm caramel complected, big breast, little butt and my hair is not mixed.I also wear a weave and he has never dated a girl with a weave, it's nice, it looks nice on me, i know how to do hair. He has a BIG problem with it, and is in my face eeeeeveryday about it and taking it out, I don't want to because I like it, it enhances my beauty I think. His reason is because he thinks I should be happy with the way I look and blah blah blah when really, he just wants to see how good my hair is so he can decide if im "worthy" of havin his freakin child (he didnt say that but thats how i feel)so that makes me even more not to want to take it out, plus I know im not going to live up to his expectations of how he likes his women's hair. We argue about this everyday and he keeps saying that yeah he has dated those type of females but he's with me and wants to be with me. Am i wrong for arguing with him about this? I feel that he should accept me for me and it shouldnt matter what i put in my hair, I feel like he is trying to change me. What do you think? sorry so long!
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female
reader, Ms.wayne +, writes (3 October 2008):
Ms.wayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. I know what I should do but just wanted to get others feedback as well. To inyourdreams and the last annoymous reader, I have gave him an ultimatum and say i'll find someone who loved me for me etc. all he does is apologize but then we are right back to square one because he says he can't look past it. To the male reader, I know where your coming from all the women(well alot of them) that i see with a weave it does look horrible but I am a medical assistant and a cosmetologist and the hair that i use are "lacefront" wigs that the celebrities wear and It looks really nice and undetectable. I know I can look good without it but it's my preference for right now you know. Thank you all for your imput =)
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Anytime you argue with a boyfriend EVERY DAY, and I don't care what it is about, it's time to move on. Life is too short, yada yada....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): He sounds like a complete fruit loop! what a sad way to live life, he will never make you happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): You know what's funny is I have an “ideal” gf image in my mind but my gf is the complete opposite. That said I love her so much and I find her really sexy.Your bf is with you for some reason, so stop comparing yourself to his past. Obviously when he approached you he saw you had big boobs, small butt, etc but he still liked you. If his kids came out with "Nappy hair" he's not gonna love them less.As for the weave in all honesty it doesn't look good on most women. I would like to think most girls in particular black girls don’t actually go to the hair saloon but get it done by their mate who probably has no formal training. U know what I'm gonna write a mini dissertation about this topic “What is the aesthetic value of a weave.”I have seen it with a lot of girls that think its nice but on MOST of the times its not. I rarely see a weave that looks good.Anyway if you think he wants to judge your hair, wouldn't you want to get rid of that man now than in the future.Be comfortable in your own skin....Your bf seems like he puts a lot of value on looks, therefore you are probably a good looking woman anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Are you serious? Is he really THAT shallow? Oh my God, it's extremely wrong of him to be making you feel bad about this! It's YOUR hair, attached to your head, and I'm pretty sure it's gorgeous no matter what. He's creepy. Really, so obsessed with hair? I would dump him, but I know being in love with him that's pretty hard to do.
But tell him this, give him an ultimatum. He either accepts you and cuts the crap, or he leaves you so you can find a man who appreciates and cherishes every inch of you! You sound like a stunning lady, sadly, dating a shallow loser.
This is all his fault. And tell him, this is his fault: first, he's not blind. When he met you he saw you just as you were: caramel complexion, big breasts, little butt and hair that isn't mixed. HE CHOSE TO BE WITH YOU. So why does he complain now? It's not fair of him to be taking this out on you, if he's the shallow one with ridiculously specific expectations who saw you and decided to be with you, who put his expectations aside. You never tricked him. It's his fault.
As I said, I'd dump him. He's way too shallow. What the hell? No man should make you feel unworthy everyday just because of hair, or skin or whatever. You deserve a man who makes you feel gorgeous, and trust me, you sound like you could tunr tons of guys' heads. Don't put up with his crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Ask him if he thinks people should be happy with who they are, why does he need his own children to fit into such a narrow definition of beauty in order for him to love them. I think it is wrong to tell your partner how to look. Tell him if he doesn't accept you, you will find a man who loves you for who you are.
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