A
female
age
41-50,
*likenight
writes:My boyfriend is so passive it makes me mad. He lets people step all over him, but then when he's fed up he just gets mad and yells. He doesn't say anything in the mean time. I have told him how I think he should handle certain situations, but he doesn't learn from me. He never stands up for me either. He always has an excuse as to why he doesn't stand up for me such as he doesn't want to get into drama or he doesn't know the people that offended me, etc. I'm not leaving him we have a baby together and I love him, I knew he was like that before b/c we were friends for a few yrs. but now that we're together I want someone with a little more motivation/control/personality. So I don't know what to do about the passiveness. Then I think maybe it's a good thing b/c I am kinda an overbearing controlling person. My friend told him one night when we were at her place drinking that he should ask me to marry him, and he did. But that was like 2 weeks ago, and he hasn't said a word about it since then...I don't even know if he meant it or not. I have too much pride to bring it up. So I don't know how to handle someone like him, I've never met anyone like him. I don't want to have to be a nagging hag and try to tell him what to do in every situation, and control both of our lives, which by the way I don't think he would have a problem with. Should I just be a nag about everything? Is me telling him what to do nagging if he doesn't mind it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 Just a thought but have you considered that when you try and tell him what to do you're actually encouraging him to be a passive person? You're putting him in the same position that all the people who mess him around are.... by having a go at something which is inherently part of his personality. He's not going to change for you and even if he did it wouldn't be an overnight thing. I appreciate your motives for wanting to change him etc but would you change for him if he told you he thought you were too overbearing?
It's great to care for each other in a couple and obviously you have to make some decisions together and deal with certain situations but the time has come to leave him to fight his own battles and you fight yours. You're not each others' parents so forget trying to fight for each other and changing each other and accept who the other person is.
CD
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