A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a complicated relationship with my boyfriend. He always seems to be sad and disappointed that I can not spend time with him more than he would like. I told him the reason why I can not always spend time with him and I said that later on in our future, if our love is true, it will find its way to get around the hardest obstacles. He is still sad and the only thing that can make him happy is if I spend more time with him. He does not understand. We both love each other a lot but sometimes I don't think he is being fair for always being sad, which makes me sad. I understand our situation is tough and I try to work it out the best I can while he is always sad. It wouldn't matter how much I talk to him about it. He would only change for a day. I don't know if I should give up on him since he is only making me sad most of the time. Should I try for someone else, or keep trying to work out our relationship? Thanks! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, OldSoul +, writes (28 July 2008):
 This can be a problem that a lot of young couples suffer from, I myself have even been there. Firstly, you should probably find out why he feels the need to spend so much time with you, certainly, loving another person makes you want to be with them, but when a guy/girl is clingy, there's usually something else going on there; I.E. Is this his first relationship? If not, was he hurt in a previous relationship? These things can be a huge factor. When someone is entering their first relationship, or have been hurt before, they often cling to compensate for their own insecurity, they assume the more time they spend with you, the less chance there is that you'll hurt them. What you need to remember, is probably the number one necessity in any relationship, is trust, if there isn't any trust, then there can't be any love, bottom line. So you might want to try and dig into his neediness a little bit, before you make a decision.At the same time, don't allow yourself to be manipulated into remaining in a relationship that you aren't happy in, just because you feel sorry for the other person, this would be sacrificing your happiness and that's definitely -not- okay. And now for the most common problem and what I'm seeing when you say that your boyfriend always seems sad, depressed or disappointed. Before we enter into a relationship, it's important to know that we are ready, if we as individuals are incapable of taking care of ourselves and being happy on our own, then how can we expect to love, support, be happy and generally just be with another human being?Each one us must strive to feel complete even if we are not in a relationship, complete dependence upon our significant other, or another person, to keep us content, is pretty unhealthy and will only lead to more problems. It's not my position to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, only to offer some perspective and advice; if you genuinely love your boyfriend and can see yourself spending your life with him and growing old with him, then maybe this problem is worth discussing with him further and working through, possibly consider relationship counseling so you both can get to the root of the problem more easily with less strain and the well trained assistance of a therapist.If your boyfriend is unresponsive, uncooperative and essentially just makes you feel miserable, then it's probably time to cut it off before things get any worse; in this case, being firm and honest, is always the way to go, don't fall victim to the sob story, or the 'give me another chance' tactics of desperate people, because chances are, things will feel better for a day or two, then slip right into old habits and you're back to square one.Relationships are about love, trust and compromise, one cannot exist without two, two cannot exist without one, it takes all three for a relationship to work and thrive.I hope this advice helps. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Don't let your sisters dictate who you can and can't see, or what you can and can't do. What business is it of theirs? There's a difference between protecting someone and being overly controlling.
It's not 'wrong' or 'inappropriate' if you want to be intimate with your boyfriend - that's one of the perks of being in a loving relationship! If you feel comfortable with it and you like it, then go right ahead.
So what if they tell your parents? You're 18-20, you are an adult, and you are old enough to make your own decisions. If you want to see your boyfriend, then go see him - it's not up to anyone but you.
Stop letting your sisters walk on you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry. The problem is that my sisters do not like him. They have heard rumors of us acting inappropriate, but I don't have the nerve to say that it is true, do I deny it. I am still young to have intercourse with him and we both know that. We have only kissed and touched but nothing more. I understand it was wrong to do that (touching) and we are acting appropriate now. We are not bad in anyway, it was only a bad decision at that time. It is hard to spend time with my boyfriend since my sisters do not allow me to be with him anymore. They threaten to tell my parents what happened if I am ever with him. I know my sisters are just trying to protect me, but I just wish they can give me a second chance. There is no way though that that would ever happen. They dislike him and there is no way that will change. My boyfriend doesn't know all of this information, only that there is a reason I can't always spend time with him. The only time I really do spend time with him is when we are with our group of friends. My boyfriend and I can't even go to the movies with each other alone. We are both miserable about our relationship and I don't even know if things will be better any time soon. We are almost to the point of giving up. If I break up with him, I know that he wouldn't talk to me again seeing this from his previous relationships.
...............................
|
