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female
,
anonymous
writes: I recently found out that my boyfriend of seven years has been spending a lot of time on the local chat lines. He has also been on the internet and has an add running in all the online personals. He has never been an affectionate person,but in his adds he says he's looking for someone to hold. This really hurts because I would love to just hold him but he acts like he doesn't want me near him and pushes me away what do i do ?
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (13 August 2005):
I'm sorry, but what an absolutely dreadful excuse for cybercheating on you. Why on earth does he feel the need to search for physical affection when he is dating a loving person like you?
And what man would actually admit to his long-term girlfriend that he's looking for somebody else? He hasn't even tried to deny it! This only proves how little respect he has for you and the relationship if he's prepared to humiliate you and undermine you in this fashion.
It may be that he is unable to engage in a relationship emotionally, and perhaps sees internet dating as a "safer" option, where he can indulge his fantasies without having a proper, mature adult relationship. But would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that?
He will not change. He has had seven years to prove his worth to you, and if he cannot commit himself in that length of time, he is completely unworthy of you. Have you not wasted enough of your precious time on this man? You have so much to give. Find someone who is worthy of you.
Best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2005): This guy is bored and lonely, and is probably still in the relationship with you out of need not love. His fragile ego needs to be convinced that he's desirable and worthy. You could probably offer him those feelings, but why bother. He's already looked well beyond you to meet his needs, and doesn't seem to care much about fidelity-sexual OR emotional. You definitely shouldn't tolerate his boyish nonsense. His behavior is one of the clearest indications that the relationship is stagnant and should be ended. And plus, what he's doing is a complete betrayal of you and your trust. Drop this loser...Because one day, when he's ultra bored with you, it'll be a real woman, and not an internet personality. And if his ego is that fragile, he should really seek some professional help and medication. Seven years is a long time, and he obviously thinks he's missing out on better opportunities than you can offer him. Boot him now for not appreciating you the way you deserve to be. And, perhaps you should publish an online dating ad in one of the same sites he's on. Embellish your strengths and desires, then "wink" at him so he can see your profile. If nothing else, you'll be able to get your own ego stroked by all the guys who show interest, even if you don't pursue anything. Please, please though, have a sense of dignity, and do not tolerate his selfish, disloyal behaviors. I wish you strength and courage.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (13 August 2005):
 This is easy: Find yourself a new boyfriend. In fact, why are you even with him? Have you no respect for yourself?
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