A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend almost 7 months ago - the relationship moved super fast - and he loved me right away, in fact, he told me he loved me after 4 days, we moved in 2 months in. But everything is seemingly going downhill now. He used to be so caring, he used ask me what i wanted to do, he used to like to do household chores, go grocery shopping, do things to make me happy... now it's all about him. It's because his work is very labouring and he is tired, he says. That he doesnt get enough sleep because he works at 6AM, that's why he is mean. He even admits to using me as a punching bag, and admits that he is mean. But when i bring it up, he says "that's who i am, take it or leave it, if you cant accept my flaws then you must not love me very deeply" And it DRIVES me crazy, because whenenver i am hurt or upset, he tells me I am over reacting, or dramatic, and this is just part of his nature and i should just deal with it. He gets so defensive. I brought up to him that he is too rough with me in bed, and the first thing he says is that I am unhappy with him and just thinking up excuses. It's never about me. He is so selfish, and i know he wont change. I dont know why it has gone downhill so quickly... we're not even married... that's why I am scared, the more time we spend together, the worse it's going to get. Other ways he is perfect for me, but lately he is just a complete monster. I dont know what to do or how to deal with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone - hes gotten a lot of good shut eye over the weekend, and last night i went to bed with him early, so he wouldnt wake up in the middle of the night - and today he was super nice and sweet, i had to work late at work and he even came to offer to pick me up from work. I am going to do my best to not wake up when he sleeps and let him rest more, i might also just have to be less sensitive and realize he cares, but he's just a brute.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 If you were my daughter I would have to accept you are an adult who has to make your own decisions, but I would also advise storing your important papers away from home, ie at your bank, and having enough money stashed somewhere for an emergency get away.
He abuses you, sometimes the bruises are on the inside, where they can't be easily seen. If his behaviour starts to slip, dont give him any more chances, that will be setting the pattern for a long and difficult life for yourself, first sign of the same behaviour coming out and you need to get yourself out of there.
I hope it is just a symptom of lack of sleep, good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys - thanks for your answerswe had a huge discussion about this this weekend. and on this weekend is more normal, so it could be the stress of his job.he doesnt hurt me physically - its more emotionally, we've decided it could be chalked up to his physically demanding job and that he has not been getting any sleep lately. I will see if getting more sleep makes him an easier person to deal with. Cus if not, then that is a problem.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (25 August 2012):
I would adivse you to start distancing yourself from him mentally and if you have a friend/family member who wont mind you moving your stuff slowly to their house just until you get your own place, do just that for your own sake. I also was going out with someone similar, we were not living together bu he has wrecked me financially aswell as mentally for the past 8 months so I would say get away from him as quick as you can.just move your stuff out first so he cant have a hold over you in that way. the longer you stay, the worse your self esteem and confidence is going to get believe me. good luck you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, AmberNuttall  +, writes (25 August 2012):
He will not change, and this relationship will only get worse. The sex thing is completely over the line. He takes no responsability for anything. I can honestly say I can see this leading to dometic violence, and he will carry on sexually abusing you. It is not a safe environment, I would leave in the safest way possible. Do it while he is not at home, and make sure family or friends are with you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (25 August 2012):
I fail to see how this man could be perfect in any way, he hurts you during sex and blames it on you, he uses you as a punching bag and blames it on you, he treats you like a sack of shit and its all your fault.
This man is very abusive. You are correct, the longer you stay there the worse it will get. You need to get out.
You need to decide which is the safest way for you to leave, call in friends and family and pack up your stuff and move out while he is at work, or slowly take away the items that are precious to you, one thing at a time, including important papers, to a place of safety and then disappear. If the second option is for you, contact a womens refuge or social worker first to help you with an exit plan.
The bottom line is you need to leave, this is not a safe environment.
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