A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We're both the same age and have gone through good time and bad. I am absolutely in love with him and can picture our future together, such as marriage, children, growing old together. A couple of months ago, I caught him cheating on me. He had answered a post online in order to experience a male encounter. He pleaded guilty and apologized about his infidelity. He reasoning was boredom, stress, and didn't want me to be inflicted with his problem so he thought this was an outlet for him to relieve himself. I felt he was truly sincere when he told me that I am the only person he needs and wants and would like to make our relationship work. I decided to give him another chance because I want to believe that we can save our relationship, our love and our future together. But with my constant suspicion, I would secretly look through his e-mail/computer to make sure I don't see any traces of gay/bi content. Unfortunately, I found him posting an ad online under "men seeking men" and I’ve also seen traces of him watching gay porn on the computer. I definitely had to choose my words wisely in order for him to admit to it and again, I’ve accepted his apology and decided to put it behind us. Ever since I’ve took him back, our relationship looks like its recovering and I’ve never felt more loved by him ever. He's a lot more patient, willing to communicate and constantly telling me he loves me. I don't know why I feel so insecure. I know it’s wrong to go through my boyfriends personal things and shouldn't be snooping around but at the same time, I feel like I have every reason to be cautious. I don't like what I find and I don't know what to do about it nor what to say to him about my feelings without insulting him. Please help me, I am so confused. I don't want to be in denial nor live a lie. I just want to love him and for him to love me back for me and for what I have to offer instead of looking elsewhere.
View related questions:
gay porn, infidelity, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (19 August 2007):
Sounds like he really loves you, yet has a secret life. While it isn't right to snoop around, it also isn't right for him to be secretly having sex with guys. The first response says he is gay, and while that could be correct, he could also be bi. If he's bi, he may stick around, but you may have to be prepared for him to continue having bouts of infidelity to secure this other side of him.If you are truly considering marriage to this guy, get some counseling first and see if you can get to the bottom of all this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Well, I think first you have to ask yourself why your partner is doing this, and the only logical answer is because he is gay. No straight man finds pleasure in watching or wanting to participate in gay sex, both things which your boyfriend is doing. He is probably too scared to admit to himself that he is gay, let alone you. To be honest, it would probably be kinder to you and your boyfriend to break it off, as if he is gay then these urges wont leave him and you are more than likely to find yourself in this position again, although next time it could not only break up a marriage but also leave you as a single mother. The choice is yours, but you seem to be as scared to face the truth as he is. You need to have a serius talk.
...............................
|
