A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a big problem and nobody to talk to about it, i really need help...This may get confusing but...Well,I'm 14 years old and i'm going out with this guy i've been madly in love with for over a year. In that year we've been 4 times which has ended with him finishing me, were onto our sixth time dating and i take him back very stupidly because i love him that much. Now, problem number one is, he usually keeps his relationships secret for a long time, he says he just can't tell anyone. Last time we went out he told me it was because people teased him when he gets a girlfriend because he is a geek and he says everyone takes the mick when a geek gets a girlfriend...? I dunno :/But i really want to tell people, i hate keeping this relationship a secret but i don't like talking about it with him... So thats problem one.Problem two is, his bestfriend and also my bestfriend, (whom is even more geekier than him) is madly in love with me, but too shy to ask me out. Because he doesn't know I'm with his bestfriend because its secret, he isn't too shy to tell me so. He's really sweet and probably the best guy i have ever met, even more so than my boyfriend...:SI really like him and end up thinking about him more than my own bf :/Problem 3 is that everyone else i know thinks me and my bestfriend fancy each other anyway, (yes, the chemistry is that strong). On top of that, my other friend (also a boy) keeps telling everyone that i flirt with both boys (my boyfriend and bestfriend) and i can't make my mind up which one i want. Here again, he has no idea i go out with my boyfriend.Now i need help because i really like my bestfriend, he's amazing and i know he thinks the world of me, and i'm starting to go off my boyfriend a little bit, i'm not as comfortable around him as i am my bestfriend but again, he now thinks the world of me....So i don't want to hurt my boyfriend at all, i love him... but i don't know what i want about my bestfriend... and to be honest... i'm in a mess :/Any advice? i know its complicated but i appreciate it guys ! x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (10 October 2010):
 This is not as bad as you may think
Problem One - Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him you understand why he wants to keep it a secret but also let him know how it's affecting you. It's keepign you from enjoying your relationship with him because you have to act like you're not with him a lot of the time. A relationship isn't all about pleasing the other person, you have to give and take. Ask him to meet you halfway on this. You can tell people about your relationship without being together all day flaunting it. But to be honest, if you're breaking up so often, something about your relationship isn't working. This telling people problem may or may not be it. But if he keeps breaking up with you, he might just be doing it to prove you'll always take him back, it makes him feel like a winner, like a bit of a stud if this girl always comes back to him, which is different to the "geek" he labels himself as.
Problem Two - If you and your best friend like each other, why do you keep going back out with your boyfriend? How about staying single for a while the next time he breaks up with you, get over him, and then go out with your best friend. You're fourteen, you're not looking for a husband just yet, have fun!
Problem Three - You shouldn't mind that this other guy tells people you flirt with your boyfriend, because it'll make him look like an idiot when (if EVER) your boyfriend allows you to correct him. Why don't you tell this guy that your life is none of his business and he needs to leave you alone? You'll probably find he fancies you too and he's jealous you're not flirting with him.
But like I've said, you're fourteen, you've got so long to fall in love. And you're not going to like this, but there's a difference between fourteen-year-old "madly in love" and say, late teens maybe twenty-something "madly in love". You've got so long to find 'the one'. It shouldn't be about love right now, it's who you want to be with and who makes you happy. So just go with who makes you happy.
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