A
female
age
36-40,
*ebecky
writes:If anyone has advice or is in a similar situation, I would really appreciate your comments or feedback.I've been with my boyfriend for a year a few months - and believe me, it has been a rocky relationship. We sort of got off to a rocky start: we never saw each other but only hung out at night, we often broke up and got back together, he cheated on me, etc. THEN, about four months into our relationship, in July, I became pregnant - with his child, if you're wondering. I was about to leave for college in Newport News (which is three hours away), and to make a long story short, I had an abortion. However, we became extremely close after that.So, then I left for college. I wasn't allowed to have a car on campus, and he got a DUI at the end of August, so niether of us could drive to see eachother. So, we didn't see each other for about four months, but we talked on the phone for hours every day, multiple times a day in order to maintain our long-distance relationship. I ended up trasferring to a school much closer to home so that I could see him more often.During my second semester, somehow, I ended up living with him. So, we lived together for four months. Now it is the summer, and I am living back at home with my parents and our whole relationship is falling apart. He is pulling away from me, breaking up with me and then calling the next day to apolagize, making plans with me and then caling at the last minute and calcelling, etc.We have been through so much together, fallen apart so many times...but we have always fixed things. But now I feel like this is killing me. He never wants to see me or do anything with me and he has no patience anymore. He will tell me things, like that he wants to be single and he is tired of me. But the next day he will tell me the complete opposite - that he loves me and wants to be with me.What the hell am I supposed to think? I'm sick and tired or being tossed around, feeling depressed and worried and let down all the time! What should I do? How do I know what he is truly feeling? How can things get so bad so quickly? It's like he did a complete 360 in a couple weeks!Help!
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male
reader, shurup +, writes (13 September 2008):
I have a problem that is sorts like yours so I feel your pain girl. Well let's talk about you first , boy I'm really worried about you two. Wish I had a way to look into the future , doesn't it seem like this is all about his feelings? After reading your story I began to think about my own and even tho we are gay I'm still thinking I need to get "selfesteem here" right now right away!!! However , I do not want to be alone as I'm sure you don't . So we have a choice and here is what I plan on doing , I'm just going to back off for now see what goes from there. Take Care Hun it can only get better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): I know I've done that, like changed my mind every other day, and usually it just means that I am confused. Like one day I love you and the next day I don't even want to look at you. And for the most part, I've only done that with people that I know will allow me to act that way towards them. And what the previous poster, MissSunshine, what she said is true, that if you change your approach, he too will stop treating you this way.
He's confused and right now there is nothing you can do to change his feelings. But what you can change is the way he is treating you. He is being unfair about stringing you along, loving you one day and not the other, only because you accept it. He knows that when he "loves you" you'll be there to fall back on. And he knows that when he no longer loves you, he can ignore you. If he knew he couldn't get away with treating you like that, he wouldn't do it. He can practically do whatever he wants to you, (and he IS mistreating you) because you ALLOW it.
There is a beautiful song by Nelly Furtado called "one-trick pony." You should listen to the lyrics. There is these one lyrics that really apply to you that goes, "Nobody can control me. Nobody can disown me. Nobody can ignore me. So slow down..." She is not saying that she will never be rejected or anything like that. She's just saying that she isn't going to allow it to affect her life and she is certainly not going to put up with it. And that is what you need to do.
If I were you, the second he says "I don't love you, blah blah..." Say "Ok. Well good luck to you. See ya around. Take care." And end the conversation right then and there. And the next time he calls (probably to tell you that he loves you again), don't answer his calls. Avoid him, tell yourself its over, and move on. And if he keeps calling, answer (eventually, but at least let him sweat it out for a week without talking to you) and then tell him politely that you need time before you can talk to him again. Keep the conversation SHORT. And if he suddenly insists that he loves you, remind him that the last time you spoke, he said just the opposite and you are sorry but you can't continue with him. And keep it short, don't let him convince you otherwise and hang up. And if after that, he still doesn't get it, just AVOID his calls, altogether.
And above all please do yourself a favor and try to move on. Stop letting him walk all over you. Be a b*tch!
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A
female
reader, Miss sunshine  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 Well it seems that you too have had a really strong and long history but however strong that might be there comes a time where histories like that end. I know it hurts but maybe now is the time to let go. Make a new start and get over him. The only thing you get out of this is getting hurt. You should think about yourself.
However it seems to me that he has you for sure. I mean that everytime he is not sure he calls you back to tell you he loves you and you are always there for him and waiting for him to come back. You mentioned he cheated on you but still you got him back. Maybe if you try a different approach, like show him that you are tired with all this and if this situation continues you will no longer be there. Guys are really egoist so maybe if he feels that he is losing you with what he is doing he will get more serious and then realize he wants to stay with you. Either way you have to get yourself out of this situation for your own good. So show him that you are not a ball to toss around and you are tired. If he comes back for sure then its good. If not then move on and find someone else. You never know what waits for you around the corner. Sometimes things like this can lead to a better start!!
Hope i helped.. =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Walk away quickly. Accept it is over. Move on with your life....as hard as it is to do. Never move backward...always forward
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