A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey all those in dear cupid land.ive got a bit of a problem. im with a fantastic boyfriend he has got ADHD but he's so sweet and caring, but he is so paroinoid, he always askin me if im cheating on him, or who txts me everytime i get a txt. that and he knows my ex bf still really likes me and he keeps talking to me about what he wants to do to him (like beating him up) it really seems like he doesnt trust me, he's always askin me where i am and who im with almost everytime i go out. i love him so much and i cant see us ever splitting up but its just so frustating when i have to constantly justify myself. is there anything i can do to ease his paronoid mind? thanks for any advice given
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female
reader, xRaCheLx +, writes (3 September 2009):
I am in the exact same position apart from I cannot put up with his behaivour anymore, my boyfriend blames his controlling behaivour on his adhd and latley I have come to realise it is just an excuse, let him know how your feeling tell him it is upsetting you so much that you hardly have a life because of him, if he dosnt understand then it is definetly time to get rid, I know that i need to because I have said this time after time and he hasnt changed a bit or even showed that he cared that I was becoming more and more depressed by the day because of the way he treats me. hope it helps x
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 November 2008):
There is no way to make him change.
He either has some kind of issue from the past or a guilty conscience that makes him think you can be as bad as him.
You have to consider leaving.
Give him a last chance. Tell him that you are sick of his behaviour and if he doesn't stop being controlling and obsessive then you are leaving.
If he doesn't then you know you have to either be controlled and scared for ever more, or walk out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I am like your boyfriend, though I hope not to the degree he is. Before breaking up with him, I would try to figure out why he is like that. Find out if he was like this with other girlfriends. If so, maybe you can't change him, but if it's unique to your relationship, things will get better in time.Is he jealous of your ex, or other guys as well? How long was it before you two got together that you split up with your last boyfriend? If it wasn't long, that could be the cause. I hooked up with my guy while he was in the process of splitting up with his ex, which was a huge mistake but if we didn't get together then, we most likely would have never seen each other again. Now, however, I am extremely insecure and constantly fear that he will leave me and go back to her. I know I am driving him crazy, and we are both working really hard to change things. Your boyfriend might have a different reason, but if you don't want to split up, the two of you could go to counseling. You could also either hide or get rid of evidence of the ex. If he's insecure about it, help him out by reinforcing that he is your man and the other guy doesn't matter any more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): You may not see yourself splitting up from him but I do, I'm afraid.
He's obviously got a jealous streak and is highly insecure. It won't get any better, I can assure you.
ADHD has more to do with consuming too many E numbers than anything else, and this condition has nothing to do with insecurity. Do you really want to be with someone who tries to control your every move? If you do, stay with him.
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