A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 2 years. We are both very serious about each other (we’re both in our mid 20s). It really bothers me that he sounds like he will never get married again. He was married when he was 19 and has a kid (7yrs old) with his ex-wife. His wife ran off with another guy and the kid now lives with the ex wife and the guy she ran off with. I know my boyfriend has a lot of responsibility being the father. I accepted his past and try not to make it bother me. My boyfriend told his friends he never wants to get married again, never wants to have any kids again. I know it’s all because of his unpleasant past experience, but it isn’t fair to me. I can stand not having a kid, but I want to eventually get married when we settle down. Last weekend, my boyfriend asked me all these questions whether I will love him forever, I accepted that he has a kid, I will love him no matter what happens, rich or poor, etc. It sounds like stuff you hear people vow to each other in a wedding. What does that mean? I don’t know what marriage means to him anymore after a divorce. Marriage to me means commitment and promise to be together as soul mate. Girlfriend and boyfriend means there are chances I can leave him or he can leave me. I just don’t want to be living together for 10 years and I’m still his girlfriend. What should I do? Should I confront to him what marriage means to him now? Or does that sounds too much like I’m forcing him? I really want him to propose to me because he wants to, not because I make him.PS: recently, I heard him saying he only wants to invite close friends and family at his own wedding. Maybe he’s changing his mind about marriage.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Let him know how you feel. Let him know you're not that other woman who cheated. Let him know you want kids and a marriage. Then you have to set a time line. If he decides he's not able to do that, move on. If he convinces you to stay,under his terms, you'll resent him.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Never say never. He's probably just shell-shocked right now. Give it some time. You may even have to give it another year or two before he actually warms up to the idea of marriage again. Once he realizes you're not pressuring him, you may actually get that proposal. In the meantime, just enjoy the relationship and let things happen in their own due time. If after a reasonable time he still isn't interested in tying the knot, then you'll have to decide if you want to invest any more time with someone like that.
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