A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant with my boyfriend at 26 years old, and have decided to keep the baby. My boyfriend, 31, who I've dated for 1.5 years (with 5 month break) doesn't want a child yet, but agreed to "be supportive" yet feels like he had no control over the situation. He works out of town in the winter, and when we talk over the phone, it feels like we are always arguing. We were considering moving in together, etc. to raise the child but I feel all of this is forced even though the idea of starting a more serious life with my boyfriend doesn't bother me--I'm worried about him! Will he resent me? I'm almost 3 months pregnant, and my friends and family are supportive and excited for me. I too have changed my outlook and am partly excited though really scared. It hurts so much that my boyfriend seems this upset and has expressed how this has ruined his plans and dreams (including financially and the amount of "freedom" he'll have). I feel guilty but at the same time, wish he could see that I didn't intend to get pregnant, and abortion was just too difficult to consider. He thought considering abortion to be simple and straightforward. Obviously we don't have the same values and outlook on some things... Now he trying to get used to the idea of having a child. I appreciate this, but I'm wondering if my decision to keep this baby this will destroy our relationship and make him resentful towards me, especially in the long run? I feel it has already hurt our relationship. I just want him to be a little happy about it all, especially as I need to be positive from here on end. I am wondering how fathers-to-be deal with situations like this when its unexpected? Thanks!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Thank you VERY MUCH for the replies and sharing of personal experiences.As it turns out he is slowly coming around and being more supportive on an emotional level. I think in general men respond to the news of pregnancy in a very different way than women. I hear most men don't regret their children once they're born...things change then. And I guess it can be somewhat of a good sigh for a guy to be afraid because then it shows he is aware of the responsibility of raising a child!! If he wasn't afraid, I'd be a little concerned...it's still hard this isn't something he wants right now, but I'm pretty sure he won't regret having a child later. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Hun I know exactally what you are going thru i was just going thru the same thing just a few weeks ago. My best advice to you sweetheart is if you really want to have this baby then it is fully your choice its about you and your baby now and no one else. He may be scared right now but he may or may not change as you get further along. Most guys are just scared at first and alls they can say is I dont want this child and make you feel bad about it like you are ruining there life. But it is time for you to be strong and do what you have to do. Do what is going to make you happy not him this is a big thing for a woman.Boys come and go your child will be there forever.you fallin in and outta love with a guy nothing last forever.But your childs love does. I was scared to lose my boyfriend to he didnt want me to have the baby at all he didnt tell anyone about it or nothing he was so ashamed. and if your boyfriend is not welling to man up for it when he says he cares about you then his choice shouldnt matter. at all it shouldnt even matter period. If you let him talk u into abortion and its not what you realy want. Then im telling form experiance babe DO NOT do it it's something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I let my bf talk me into it like an idoit cus i thought it would keep him around even when he promised he would if i went to do it he acted like everything was gunna be alright even after i did it and then a day later he leaves me telling me i put hi
m thru to much stress with being pregnant and making him have to do that. And now when he does come around i resent him so much i hate him for what he talked me into doing that some times i dont even want him to touch me i looked at him as a horrible person after it And I constently think now like wow was i not good enough to carrey his child around and its not that at all but it takes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): You say he "feels like he had no control over the situation"... welcome to being a parent... if he wanted control over his reproductive organs he missed the opportunity...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Yes. Everything you are worried about this baby causing him, it will.
The decision to abort an unplanned pregnancy or not is something that ideally would have been discussed before you started sleeping with him. Or at least before you started sleeping with him regularly.
If he was led to think you would be willing to abort an accidental pregnancy if it happened, then he truly is powerless in this and I think you are indeed screwing him. But if you never gave him such an impression before the pregnancy happened, then the blame lies with him equally because he should have wanted to find out for his own security.
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A
male
reader, HIKela +, writes (4 February 2010):
I can tell you now... when you give birth to that baby. He will look at the cute face and just smile. With my new born child, at first I didn't want a baby at the 18(17 when my gf was pregnant) but I told my gf(age 18) she has the decision to do whatever she wants and i'll be supportive... or try to be. Being this young I didn't even know what I wanted in life... and already I have my own little jr.
I can tell you now though... before she gave birth, I resented getting her pregnant. But when she gave birth, the outlook of my life changed.
Maybe your boyfriend needs something BIG to happen in order for him to realize... life is life :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I can relate to what you are saying hun, I was in that sitution at one point in my life. I was all for it. I was young,wasn't ready to rais a child ( was still a child in a way my self). I got down to the clinic and was not able to do it. My boyfriend wanted me to do it so bad, but I couldn't bring my self to it. Now I have a 4 year old son that I am very proud of and yes we are still together and we been together for 7 years. All I can say is give that child a chance to come into this world whether the father wants to be a father or not. That's your baby and trust me your world will not end (smile).
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