A
female
 ,
*ummyduckling
writes:Hey guys, I know I've been asking a lot of questions lately but I really have just been thrown in to the reality pool at the deep end, so I'm really confused with everything.Anyway to the question... I'm 16 and my boyfriend has already had sex before he was with me. I'm quite concerned as he is more experienced then me, that I'm not going to do it right or I'm going to put him off the moment it all starts. I just don't know what to do. I'm just really shy about showing myself off. Is there any way we can do it with out me having to get undressed completely? Also, how do I tell him to slow things down a bit without telling him? Is there any way I can hint it to him?Thanks you guys for any advice given.
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): most girls come across this situation once In their teenage years worrying whether ur goin to be good enough for him in the bedroom. First of all dont sleep with him unless u fully trust him because once u sleep with HIM u may think maybe hell brag or tell people ur personal things so make sure u kno him well enough to know he wont do that, make sure ur ready ull kno this by feelin a 100 % comfortable with him and yourself, and actuall sex feel confident dont worry about things on ur body u dont like at the end of the day he is happy with who he;s with and he's lucky to be with you anyway plus its impossible for men to think about nethin else but actual sex he wont notic wat ur worryin about, Also the first time you do it wont be the best ever time you have sex and it bein special is over rated if you tell him to go slow and gentle he will and once the first time is over and done with you will be able to explore ur own body and find out wat pleasures you best wich is wat sex is all about you both pleasuring each other in appreciation of how much you mean to each otha its not all about him and make sure you tell him wat u enjoy he'll be happy to please u as it makes him feel good about himself too and him enjoy sex even more. But always be safe and dont rush into anything ur not comfortable with and ur on the road to a great sex life and a deeper relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): only have sex if you truly love him my gf had sex before me and shes a yr youmger and was alot younger when she was doing it. i tought of her as a slapper but we have been together for 3 yrs now and things are great. she was pressured into it when she was a teen and i kind of felt like i had to do it as soon as i got with her and we did but looking back now i feel i should have waited as we are still together so whats the rush. she regrets doing it so young as she was treated like crap and it didnt mean anything and i hate it knowing shes done it so young with other people. think bout your future will your next bf like it knowing youve had sex with other people if this relationship dont work. also remember everyone makes mistakes. if you do have sex with him you could just undress the bottom half that what my gf use to do until she felt comfortable i didnt mind waitin and it gave us sumthing to look forward to if he trys just say no. he cant force you. n my 1st time was nerve racking its harder for boys just lay back and relax and make him do all the work :)
...............................
A
female
reader, dummyduckling +, writes (19 July 2006):
dummyduckling is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey guys me again just wanted to say thanks for the advice it was a great help so far *hugs to all people that helped me*
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): First off, being a mom and remembering being a teen and enduring peer pressure...I am going to say wait a few more years. You are still young and maturity will do you loads when making a life altering decision.
Also, I am sad to say that your parents have failed you in not fully instructing you on how to date to avoid any situations where having sex with someone who you do not see a lifelong future with as a good choice that will give you happiness.
Any activity that would encourage improper intamacies creates an oppurtunity where sex would be deemed allowable...and long term dating when a teen is the downfall of many of our youth of today.
It is troubling to hear that today's youth believe that having sex is a "natural experience" of youth.
You do not need some young teen boy to bring you happiness. You do not need some young teen boy to feel valued and loved. You do not need some young teen boy to be accepted by your peers and you do not need some young teen boy to "fit in".
There is nothing wrong in being unique and saving yourself for someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
I know I am but one voice that will instruct you in this way and I say caution and obstaining especially when you have doubts about yourself will bring you happiness and peace.
Is there anyone you can turn to talk to for advice and counsel?
Many will rationalize and seek to justify that the attraction between two teens is love and will that is it excuseable to have intimate relations. This is not the case and is that what your parents want for you?
I say turn to your mother and ask her advice. Involve her. Now is the time to trust in her.
She loves you and wants for you future success and happiness.
*hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Honey, these fears are all but normal, but if your not ready babe your not ready. Just because hes had sex before doesnt mean that you have to have sex with him. There is no rule to say that you now have to have sex with him because he has before. This is about you and what you want. When you are ready you will feel relaxed enough not to worry about being naked, okay maybe a little apprhensive, but if he truly cared for you he would take it at your pace and help you to feel at ease. I dont feel that at this time your ready to have sex with him, im sensing that you feel because he has already its your duty to or at least you want to try and keep him, thats no reason to sleep with him, you shouldnt be under pressure and should only do it when its right for you. As for hinting to him to slow down, i think you may have to just bluntly tell him babe, that your not ready yet, that you would like to get to know him a bit better, if he is worth his salt he will understand and not pressure you, he has to respect how far you want to go and you should be able to express how you feel without fear of him going off you or going further than you want to. Its never easy when you not ready and you may feel that you want to but are a little unsure in which case if you guys are to be together then he has to understand things always go at the slowest persons pace and how they feel, its not a one way street it should be what you both want. The not wanting to undress thing will become easier in time and maybe on your first time you can maybe just wear some underwear or something, but in the end hun naked will be easier, but only do what you want to do, dont go thinking your not going to be any good, he probably hasnt got that much more experiecnce than you, im guessing hes as young as you so hes not got that much more to go on. It should be a loving experience for the both of you and you should be made to feel special and he should show some understanding. But dont just sleep with him because its what he wants, you really need to want it too, if your ready you will feel more relaxed and comfortable with him and take it steady, just take your time and go with the flow, but only do it when you truly want to.
Take care x
...............................
|
