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female
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anonymous
writes: I met my husband when I was 14 and am now 24. We have been married for 4 years with 4 girls aged 8, 4, 3 and 1. We lost a baby boy in 2004, a few weeks before the 2nd aniversary back in May my husband started taking cocaine. He said he needed it to get him through the anniversary so I said ok. But it is now July and he is addicted to it. He is using 6 out of 7 nights at £40 a time, sometimes more. I told him he had 3 weeks to stop or move out because I can't take anymore. He has 3 days left and is still using. He has stolen my credit cards amd spent £600 on coke. He gets advances on his wages and lies to me all the time. I love him to death but I want to kill him sometimes. I dont want to kick him out but I need to be stong for me and the kids as we are suffering. I think he is so selfish I am starting to hate him for it. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): I suspected my husband of doing cocaine also, after all we seperated and he stayed at his mom's house and went out of town for a few days, when she got back aparently he had a party and left some on the dresser. It did not bother her though that is what she is around as well. I have 2 kids with him, met when I was 14. He realized he needed help when he got so messed up that he really messed up. He went to a much younger girl that does drugs since I don't and now they are possibly having a child.From what I know it could be anyones. He came back begging, I now give him random test and a allowance. I know that is not much for trust but he damaged that, he has to work for it back. As far as the child I will deal with that in a few months. I don't know how to be without him and won't listen to what anyone has to say cause none of it is good. Everyone makes mistakes it is how you fix the problem that counts. This was his rock bottom. I hope everything works out for you, I wish what I am going through on noone.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 The minute your kids start to suffer you ahve to be cruel to be kind. He will never straighten himself out whilst he has you as a crutch to lean on. You think that telling him to go will make him worse...well you could be right, but then you could be wrong!
Addiction is a strange thing. There are so many theories surrounding both physical and psychological addiction, and no one theory ever answers all the questions.
Get him out of your immediate vicinity. Help him to get professional help. Then leave him to it. If you don't he will continue to take you for a ride and he will lurch from one crutch to another.
Be strong for your children and in doing so be strong for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): Sometimes love and family are not enough for someone to get over an addiction, and a coke addiction at that. As you have already witnessed, his drug addition will always come before you and your family.
I get the feeling your husband needs professional help as soon as possible. You need to stop this from esculating until he gets himself (and you) in more serious trouble.
Until he can admit he is an addict, and makes an attempt to stop, you are, I'm sorry to say, either going to have to put up with him continuing to lie and steal from you, or you are going to have to exercise some "tough love" and tell him you can't bare to see him destroy his life and that you can no longer going to allow your children to be influenced by his dangerous behaviour (because they are being) but that you will be there, waiting for him when he is clean and ready to be the father and husband that he should be.
In the meanwhile I suggest you do a lot of research in to this addiction, and also talk to someone more trained and experienced at giving advice for someone in your situation. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): times like these call for an intervention! Sit him down and have a nice long talk with him... tell him you love him, that you hate seeing him this way, that you hate what it's doing to him, tell him your worried, tell him he can't carry on like this. I've delt with something like this before, with my best friend, it took awhile for him to straighten out but things are going wonderfully for him now and he has been clean for a year.
In situations like this the best thing you an do is tell them you love them, your there for them and that you will help them through it.
Best of Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): What You really need to do is Have a long talk with him. Not just short chats. If he really loves you and you love him you will both listen to each other. Another good Idea Is for him to check into a drug rehabilitation center. Good luck.
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