A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused2010
writes:ok so i dont know what to do. Everytime me and my boyrfriend fight he always turns it around on me...he is very munipulative.We fight all the time and we live together. he tells me if i move out then he will break up with me. He says that all the fights we have are my fault cuz i do stupid shit. Then my friend T moves in with us and we got in a fight and she took his side on it and was texting him talking bad a bout me. Im tired of feeling like crap. What do i do?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 1-Move out
2-Dump him
3-Dump your friend
4-Come to terms with why you would date and move in with a guy that is so manipulative to begin with, and why you would have a friend that would side with such a manipulator against you.
#4 is the real issue for me. On some level, you are drawn to people that hurt you. This could be part of a repeating behavior pattern, and if so, it is just a matter of time before you end up with someone similar. If you deem someone such a manipulator, you have to look at what that says about you as a person that continues to be with him. You need to address what that emotional need is in order to heal completely.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): You should dump him. He obviously doesn't seem to care how hes hurting you and a relationship built on him putting you down will not work out. If this guy is really making you miserable then staying with him isn't going to make things better, in fact they could just get worst as he doesnt even seem to respect you if he badmouths you to your friends.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (8 September 2009):
 Move out and leave him. Or kick him out if its your place. Its obvious he's abusive. He needs to learn to appreciate you instead of use you as a doormat.
Your boyfriend has a great deal of anger issues. What he's doing is taking all of his internal problems, whatever it is that he's struggling with, lashing out at you and blaming you for them.
Until he can change his attitude and find some security and happiness inside himself, he can't be affectionate or even trusting of you. That's sad, but you shouldn't have to deal with this.
Everyone's entitled to be loved, not abused. If you tolerate this it will only escalate.
The other thing is, does he use drugs or alcohol? If so, these are things that will amplify the misery inside of him and then he projects it all onto you.
Its not healthy so I would say you need some distance from him and possibly the friend that moved in.
On your end of the equation, perhaps you should question your own boundaries and try and reign in what you consider to be acceptable behavior. If you want to be respected and loved, treated affectionately and appreciated then you have to tighten up what you consider to be the outer limits of what's acceptable in both a boyfriend and frankly any friend.
If you allow this kind of thing to happen, then at the end you will feel worse about it.
Try changing your thinking to (1) you are a human being and your life has value (2) you're entitled to be respected (3) you're entitled to be treated with respect and (4) you're entitled to be treated fairly.
That's a starting point. If you stick to some of those rules, you can change your character and hopefully change the people you attract to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Move out and tell him it's finished, it's the best thing if he's treating you like this, and even turning your own friends against you! Both he and your so called "friend" aren't worth your time and effort, and you would be unquestionably better off without either of them.
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