A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts, hope you are all doing well! I am sorry that this is a little long, but it's just for some background info as well. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, we have been living together for 1 and a half years, our parents don't know since we're both away from our homes. We go to the same university, he just turned 22, and since he'a couple of years younger to me, I'll be graduating before him, this April, in fact. So the thing is that I have been a little insecure when it comes to this one friend of ours, I have always felt like he has something for her...just by the way he acts around her and this one time, when we'd all gone out together, her boyfriend included, he started talking to her saying things like if some guy ever bothers you, you tell him that you're with me and i'll take care of things. Her bf was right there and we both felt a lil uncomfortable. anyway, around the same time, I was walking home from the library and I asked him if he'd walk me home and he said no, it's not so far, u'll be alright. Later that night he came home and told me that just after I left the girl had asked him to walk her home (She lives right opposite us) and he told her he's waiting for a friend and didn't walk her. I was so surprised, and since that moment i didn't know what to think of her...I mean, why did she need my boyfriend to walk her home, right?! This was in the summer.So months have passed and she and I got really close. But on new year's eve, I saw my bf and her dancing real close (Her bf went back to their home country.) and I flipped out..I got so mad at him! (He's been the kind who was a player and there was this one time in the beginning when he lied to me about this random girl who kept calling him and nearly met up with her!) So anyway, soon after that other things came up and I asked my friend if she had ever asked him to walk her home and she said no. I reminded her that this was in the summer and she said that once she was headed home and he told her "I'm going home too, can i come?" so she said, sure, but she felt really awkward about it so she was on the phone the entire time. So he came here walked to her doorstep and went all the way back to the library! and then lied to me about it.When I confronted him he got upset! He went on the offensive, turned the house upside down and accused me of not trusting him and said we're through because clearly I'd rather believe some girl and not him. So I told him I was sorry and that I do believe him. But the truth is, I don't. Last weekend we had a fight about something, and he wasn't talking to me, so I started to listen to some music on my ipod to just make me feel better and when he saw that i was actually smiling even though he wasn't talking to me, he snatched it away and told me he wants to slap me because of how i flipped out on new year's eve. I said if he did, i'd call 911, he said he didn't care and no matter how hard he slaps me, i shouldn't cry, because if i do it will only be worse for me...he didn't slap me or anything, he just pushed me around a little, i got some nasty bruises on my hands/arms. and then he insisted that i was the one who started this fight and when i tried to tell him how it wasn't me, and why it started in the first place, he called me all sorts of names and told me to suck him off, i refused to do that. then he said if i don't do it, he'll rape me. I still refused so he started pulling my clothes off and I kept trying to stop him, he finally stopped himself because i was crying and begging by that point. when i went back to bed that night after a couple of minutes, he hugged me tight and told me he loves me. the next day he said he was sorry for what he did. i had not brought it up at all. i said it's alright. I feel like i don't care anymore because I don't want to be with him for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to put up with this. I don't want anything to stop the rest of my life from being anything less than perfect. So i have stopped trying to change him or to make him a nicer person towards me or whatever because if it doesn't change it doesn't bother me in the long run anymore, right?But after that day, for the last one week, he has been the best. person. ever. he has been nice, kind, thoughtful, considerate, everything, you name it!Once I graduate and leave this town, it's over, right? I mean, he's not even honest with me, and if a person was honest, i'd forgive almost everything, but his dishonesty and his temper have just got the better of me. Am i doing the right thing here?I'm sorry that this is so long, but thank you for reading. I really need an outsider's perspective on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): You are doing the right thing to forget him, believe me! Get out and stay with a friend NOW! I just broke up with my abusive ex fiance 3 months ago because he was just as manipulative and emotionally abusive as your guy: flirting with girls and checking them out right in front of me and then saying I was just jealous. It got to the point where one time I was trying to break up with him (like so many times) and he just sat there on his computer booking his next vacation acting like nothing was wrong so I tried to rip a picture of us apart because I was so upset and he grabbed my arms and gave me bruises, trying to restrain me. Then, once he tried to push me out of his RV because I wanted to solve and argument and he didn't want me to talk anymore. Believe me, your guy acts like he is sorry but the abuse will start up again. He used to pressure me to smoke, and when I didn't would get very mad, but then would come crying to me the next day apologizing. Where there is disrespect there is no love. And though he never raped me, he would ask if he could violate me when I was sleeping and sick. It was disgusting how degrading he could be. And his temper was frightening: slamming his fist on the door if I didn't listen to him. I could go on forever, but just know that you need to get out quick and I'm not trying to scare you, but be careful, because leaving an abuser can be the scariest part. If you have to change your number and get a restraining order. Don't spend another minute with him because you could get more hurt. Good luck and be safe! I know you can do it!
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 The longer you wait to break off this relationship, the harder it will become because he does have a sweet side but unfortuntely, he uses his ugly side to manipulate and control you. This cycle will never end. Your emotions will constantly be teetering between loving him, and hating him because he displays two distincts sides of himself. He may have bi-polar disorder or hypomania. At any rate, you'd be wise to get out now. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, robynnex +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Hey .!
i think that you are completely right love leave him you can do so much better than that.I wouldn't even wait untill i graduated i would leave him just now.!
And thoose things he said and done to you tell him he needs some help .
Like mistoshwell there said i agree
you can always tell when i man is lying because they tottally flip out and start blaming you .
anyway love if i was you i would leave him staright away .
good luck and i hope you find someone better,x
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A
female
reader, mistertoshwell +, writes (20 January 2008):
Its a ploy to make out, when confronting someone with a lie they have told, that it is your fault because you don't trust them. Ha! You are definately doing the right thing in not continueing with this relationshiop. The only thing i would say is don't wait until you graduate you need to end it now and retain your self respect in the process. Good Luck
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