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female
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*onkey_inthe_middle
writes: I have been dating someone for 2 months. Everything has been great, I actually could see a future with this man. Lately though I have noticed that he can be intolerant of people who are different. Different in ways of not as much money as he, maybe they dont dress as nice, or just things that he doesnt agree with. The topper was my boyfriend met my sister and her partner. My boyfriend says he has "a lot of gay friends" so i thought things would be fine. Long story short, he felt like his masculinity was being threatened by my sisters partner. He actually had nothing to say about anything, there was just a lot of eyebrow raising and eye rolling. My sister is my closest family member, she is hurt by this. I am very embarrassed. I am ready to dump him over this, because family comes first. Or should I consider giving him a second chance?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): You are considering a commited future to a prejudicial, intolerant man. One who you describe as having being intolerant of people who are different, a man who raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes and was disrespectful at your sister's relationship. I would think he'd be a bit more cautionary when it came to 'your' family. If his 'intolerance' goes against your core values then yes, I would think that you need to evaluate how much you are willing to lose over this relationship and you need to evaluate what type of future you will have with this man. Quite often, if he's allowing this side of him to show this early in the relationship, then all I have to say, is it's highly likely the worst is yet to come. People usually get careless and show their true colors more, as a relationship progresses. Is the alienation of your sister and possibly your family, down the road, worth the relationship? Is it worth putting your family through this difficulty? It's time to really focus on 'what he truely is' and figure out if he'll be a good life partner for you. If you value your family, then I am sorry...he is not the one for you. I am glad you have seen this side of him now before you continued on. Love is a good beginning, but commitment, values, family connections and friendships are what makes solid, happy relationships, work over the long haul. Do not make a poor choice that could adversely affect the rest of your life and hurt your family further? Good Luck in making your decision but do what's best for you and your family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Changing someone's personality is difficult - especially a negative personality. He sounds very self-righteous, and this may actually have an impact on how your future children may be raised.
In terms of that one tidbit about his masculinity being threatened - if he was sure of himself in the first place, he wouldn't have felt threatened. He seems to also have some deeper issues with himself.
The thing is, if you really want your boyfriend in your life, despite his self-righteous and possible growth-hindering personality, then go for it. Otherwise, you should definitely consider your future with this person. Doesn't seem like he allows much room for expansion.
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