A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He is English, and that means he loves football, drinking and having night-ins with his mates. Being a person from different social background, I don't understand British drinking and football culture very much, but I have no major problem living with them.My problem is that I sometimes just don't want to join him and his friends when it involves watching football or going to someone's house to drink and talk which usually last until 1 or 2 in the morning. It doesn't happen very often though, but since this is football season it's a bit more than usual and it starts to make me feel uneasy. My boyfriend tries to involve me in all these activities because he wants me to be there with him and have fun(and that is very sweet of him) but I just can't make myself enjoy being in a room with people smoking, watching football and drinking crates and crates of beer all night all the time. Because I don't understand drinking culture, I see no point of drinking, getting drunk and talking all night. For me, you drink when you have something worth going out drinking, like birthday, end of semester or special occasions - not for the sake of being drunk. I never stop my boyfriend from doing that but I can't help but feeling bored and tired of being there. I'm worried here because I don't want to be a miserable woman when my boyfriend tries to involve me in his routine - but I'm a loner. I don't like seeing lots of people too often, I don't like having lots of people over, but at the same time I don't want to separate myself from his activities all the time that he might feel I never want be a part of things he likes. And because he never forces me (if I stand my ground he'll just leave me alone) it makes me feel even worse, almost selfish.Do you have any suggestions of how I might ease my discomfort about this? Should I socialise more? Thanks in advance for any answers you may leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for leaving me comments.
To be honest, I'm not like a shy, locking-myself-in-the-room person at all. I love night outs, which is something my boyfriend doesn't really do anymore. You can say we just have different preference of socialising.
I enjoy being with his friends, but once in a while I just need a quiet space for myself. I don't think this means I'm acting like a drag though. I behave myself very well when I'm with him and his mate (as in not sitting there being grumpy all night, begging to go home as soon as possible or something like that). But exactly like 5ftsweet said, once the football starts he will just get into it and the whole point of talking will be about football, which I know nothing about and I feel just awkward being there.
However, I got the point you're trying to make. Thanks again for your help!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): Firstly, I must completely agree with your thoughts on drinking and alcohol. I like a good drink or two, but the idea of intentionally getting drunk just for the hell of it really does not appeal to me.Could you perhaps find something else to do whilst he's doing this? Perhaps you could watch a few films on DVD (or rent some), read a book or maybe play some kind of fun computer game (things like PeggleNights, Plants vs. Zombies, Zuma Deluxe or Zuma's Revenge immediately spring to mind) to keep yourself entertained whilst he's keeping himself entertained in his own way.Maybe you could take a book when you're there with him and sit on a chair/stool or at a table away from the main crowd and read that book over a drink (a glass of wine?!).Hope this helps, at least a bit.
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A
female
reader, Romanilove  +, writes (23 June 2012):
Honestly if your boyfriend includes you in his sporting and socializing activities you should feel very happy. Its an obvious sign of a healthy relationship.
It sounds like your just not into his scene.
If you aren't happy being included in his hobbies then maybe you should be with someone who likes to socialize less - like you.
If you love your boyfriend , socialize more and that doesn't necessarily mean drinking if you do not want to. Get out of your shell!
i have seen great guys with girls who act like its a drag going to social events and nobody likes those kind of girls. Do yourself a favor and include yourself if you heart is in it- If not then just exclude yourself. because you sound like a drag.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Firstly, its not just a british thing, im in australia, and we do the same thing. we get a weekend of we drink, we wanT to hang out with friends, we drink. I see nothing wrong with that. but how about you orgsnise a get together with your own set of friends when he has his footy night? you could tell him you just dont get the whole thing and that as much as he enjoys it you dont. You cant stop him drinking though unless he wants to i gave up drinking two months ago, i still go out to the clubs to dance with friends while sober. So you could do the same. its okay to have separate interests and things. Maybe you could ask if he could take turns having his mates over ,and going to their places so you can have a quiet night too. Xx
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A
female
reader, 5ftsweet +, writes (23 June 2012):
It sounds like both of you really care about each other, which is great, and this probably won't be an issue that messes up your relationship. I think it's fine if you don't want to join him for his game nights, but if you are starting to feel bad, you could just go once in awhile. Or bring a girl friend with you, so you have someone else to talk to while they are watching the games.I don't really understand the drinking culture either, but I do know that when guys are really into sports, they are so focused on the game that I doubt he would mind if you weren't there to watch it with him. He's already distracted. If he is a really outgoing person, then having time to be with his friends is just as important to him as having time for yourself is to you. My personality is more like your boyfriend's, and having time for my own activities and friends matters to me. If my boyfriend wanted to join me for them, I'd be very happy. But I wouldn't get upset if he wanted to do his own things instead.
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