A
female
age
30-35,
*ust a Girl...
writes:I Thought Girls were supposed to be the obsessive ones????????My boyfriend is so insecure, he cant go one day without talkin to me and although i love him sumtimes i do need a lil space. he freaks if i suggest a breal n if we argue n i talk about endin it he threatens to kill himself. i do love this guy but am getting further and further down beacuse i have no idea how to get out of this
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I don't blame for wanting this to end! The problem isn’t that you don't love him--it’s that he doesn’t love himself enough and you're seeing that. Hun, I feel badly for him and for you. He's struggling, his heart is like an emotional container that’s empty, and he desperately needs you to fill him up, only there’s a hole in the bottom, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough, and he’ll always crave more. The problem is although he appears to be 'giving' to you, he's actually 'taking'. I feel badly for you because he's dragged you into his sad world and it's draining you.And you recognize that. He's feeding off of your attention, your presence, your energy and you're emotionally drained, hun. Healthy relationships are not clingy and suffocating. Self-sufficiency; high self-esteem; not seeking unconditional love, constantly; believing in equality and personal power in himself plus having outside interests, friends and a life beyond his world with you, is so crucial.
To me, it sounds like he may have been very hurt in his life and may have an emotional wound that will not heal until he deals with it at it’s source. I am also deeply concerned about his emotional blackmail. When a person threatens to commit suicide, they need to get professional help and fast. Can you talk to his family or a trusted family member anyone that can get him to help himself? Something deep in him is hurting...he needs to rebuild his self-worth again. Everyone is in control of their own happiness: therefore, he does have the power to change anything about himself or his life that he wants to change.
Due to his own problems, threatening suicide is a horrid manipulation through fear, obligation and guilt which is making you feel insecure, fearful and that is emotionally abusive, on his part.. I do think you need to call him out, on his behaviours. Perhaps the next time, he threatens this you could say to him
"I will not be subjected to your emotional blackmail any longer-I am done with that. I can't prevent what you might do. It won't be my fault and and I refuse to take responsibility for what you do to yourself. I'm sorry that you feel so much pain that you think this is the only viable option. Would you like some professional help?"
It's crucial you don't allow him to continue doing this to you. He's controlling you and you are taking your power back, hun. He's breaking down your will with emotional blackmail has to understand the huge damage and pain that is being caused to you. If he doesn't see his own problems and keeps on being clingy and suffocating...you may have to walk away from all this, just to save your own sanity, dear. If you do leave, tell a family member or a trusted friend of what he has threatened. Alerting his family to his state of mind might be what he needs to be persuaded to get professional help. I wish you the best, dear and please...take care.
A
male
reader, Mr Ian +, writes (8 May 2007):
 wow. Thats a big burden. This isn't an easy situation - and there really isnt a right answer. If I were in your shoes, he needs to know what he is doing is upsetting. It puts a huge amount of pressure on you that you really dont need. Remember you are indivuals as well as partners, to function adequately you both need alone time. If you were to take it easy, you would feel more excited about seeing each other later on - refresh yourselves from each other, you will have more to speak about, and a better time will be had by all. What he is doing is wrong and perhaps he can't see it. You may have explained this to him before a million and one times already. But what he is doing is wrong - try speaking to a friend of his if this persists, they may have a bigger influence maybe?
hope that helped...x
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A
female
reader, babi thoughtful  +, writes (8 May 2007):
talk to him get him to be a abit more independant because if you dont do something the threats can get more violent until he puts into action his threats
good luck ...babi thoughtful.....xxxx
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