A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years and I love him more than anything. I would consider him my best friend because I feel completely comfortable with him. I can tell him anything and know that my secrets are safe. We're very committed to each other and have talked about getting married after we finish college (which is only a couple years away.) However, the whole time we've been dating, he has had deep insecurity issues. He resents me for being "smarter" than him. I got better scores than him on my ACT and SAT, and I also had a better GPA in high school and graduated higher in my class. He is smart, though. He has only gotten two B's in college and he'll be starting his junior year this fall. However, he dwells on the fact that I got better grades than him and got to do more "scholarly" things in the past. He insists that he is stupid. And when I say "dwells," I mean that he complains about it to me online for three hours and often keeps me up until 1:30 in the morning doing so. He says that he didn't want to be with someone who was smarter than him, but thinks that it would be really stupid to let the love of his life go over something so dumb. His obsession doesn't happen as often when we're together, but when we're apart, it's pretty much constant. He always says that he's not good enough for me, and that I'm going to leave him one day for a guy with a bigger penis. He is also very insecure about his "man parts," which are actually bigger than average, and which I love, as well as his body. I think his body is great, though. He's not ripped, but he's not fat at all, and I love his treasure trail. He's got a lot of great physical features. So my question is, what should I do about this? I can't reason with him. I've been trying that for two years. I can't compliment him, because he thinks I'm just trying to be nice. Also, I've suggested relationship counseling, but he doesn't want to do that because it will make him look "weak." It's not as simple as just breaking up with him, because I love him more than anything. I would be very sad if I didn't have him around anymore. Thinking about not being able to kiss him again makes me tear up a little. He's really wonderful when he's not being so insecure, but I don't know what to do anymore. What do you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I think there might be something else going on that is beyond your achievements. His upbringing may have instilled a certain behavior and achievement in him, I know I have that, and it conflicts with my own interest. I suggest he see a pychologist, not a therapist; it is deep rooted.
In general, women usually do better in school, from what I recall.
Don't push him. this will not help.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 He is suffering from inferiority complex , no confidence and low self esteemed.
You need to be more patient with him and give him more encouragements and understandings.
Tell him to work harder and push himself more.
He needs to increase his confidence and his self esteem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): It's hard to provide security to someone that's constantly puts themselves down. He needs to deal with his insecurity, not you. Tell him you love him, tell him why you think he's great. Tell him he's got beautiful eyes, or a certain way with words.
Don't get caught up with his insecurities, cause it's not really your problem. Your his girlfriend not his counsellor. Stop reassuring him that you think he's brilliant, or his got a bigger penis, cause if he dosn't know it your never gonna convince him. If he's moaning on line, give him a "nudge", tell him a joke, do anything to distract him from this line of thinking.
You know you love him, don't let his stupid doubts spoil your relationship, or the fun you should be having together. Don't continue supporting his emotional abuse of himsel, cause this is really a form of "mental masterbation" otherwise known as "beating yourself up". Life is too short. Good luck.
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