A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what must i do my boyfriend is in a big mess,he took someone's car just to please a fling woman to take her home,i found out about this after it happened and he told me the whole truth and i did forgave him but after punishing him. my problem is that the insurance want him to pay an amount of R25000.00 the problem is that he has to pay his own bills and earns a little i.e R2100.00 a month and that just fustrate me alot cause i'm not willing to help him out cause i was not there, i just want to know if i'm selfish cause i do love him but i refuse to help him cause he was with another woman and not me, and to forgive him means alot to me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Drop him like a hot potato. If his breaking the law doesn't bother you, the fact that he would take that risk to please a "fling" other than you ought to
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 You can forgive him but don't mean you have to pick up after him. When I make shit I have to clean it up - no one else does it for me, and nor should you. Love or not, we are only responsible for ourselves, and pleeeeease, have some self-esteem here. He was out with ANOTHER WOMAN for God's sake. Let her clean his shit up. Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes ....... well just sometimes.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 You're not being selfish by letting him pay for the consequences of his own actions. He did the deed, he can pay for it himself. There's absolutely no reason for you to pay your own hard-earned money to bail him out of this situation. Perhaps this is a sign that he should not be driving anyway.
Some people are slow learners, and have to suffer some painful consequences in order to learn the lessons of life. Sounds like your boyfriend falls into this category.
If you can forgive him for this, you are a far more understanding woman than he deserves.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I am a little confused here; why must he pay the Insurance this money? Did he damage the car? Did he use the car with or without the registered owners permission? Was he drunk?
Something is just not adding up for me here.
Do not help him financially; and don't allow him to make his problem yours;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Let me get this right, he took a car to impress some woman and you forgave him???? I really dont think you are selfish to not help him, he is in this situation because of his actions.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (14 August 2008):
 First thing, did he damage the car and thats why he has to pay for it?
second, I dont think I would have forgiven him for doing this anyway. But as you say you already have, I think you have done enough. He is lucky that you are standing by him. If he wants to act so stupid, then he has to take the Consequences of his actions. There is not a lot more that you can do.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Had he been drinking at the time? What would posess someone to steal someone elses car to give some floozie a lift home. I assume she knew it was nicked too? In which case get her to pony up some doe!
Cant really see that you are being selfish. I think you're being a bit soft if anything!
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Old-fashioned girl +, writes (14 August 2008):
Dear anonymous,
If you do love this guy, then forgive him, but he made his mess. Let him lie in it. Has he asked you for financial help? Don't help him out there. You're not selfish, you're taking a stand and are being more grown up about the situation. If this guy is really true to you, he'll probably be angry that you're not helping him, but he'll come back to you.
Good luck!
O-LG
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