A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been great lately. In the past we've had a lot of serious issues (depression, SI, abortion, etc) and broke up for over a year. We got back together and even though it was a rocky start, things have been going well. So well, in fact, that he's mentioned marriage a few times which got me thinking...I was never initially physically attracted to him, but I fell for his charm and personality because we do have chemistry, but recently whenever we are together, I just find him annoying; I don't want him to touch me sexually, and I feel like it's an obligation to kiss him, not a desire. I love him and I feel terrible for feeling this way. Honestly, my life would be just perfect if it wasn't for this but I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life only having sex out of obligation because I am not attracted to him. What should I do? I don't want to just dump him because I love him and he loves me. I want to work this out somehow but I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I don't find him attractive...Please help...Note: He doesn't dress badly or have poor personal hygiene. I'm just not attracted to the way he looks so short of getting cosmetic surgery and/or becoming very dedicated to working out, there isn't much he can do.
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female
reader, In.love.with.him  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Thanks for replying. All I can suggest is honesty and asking for his friendship. No one is perfect but with being truthful it will show your true colours even though what your saying will come out hurtful the honesty will prove otherwise. Good luck and and don't say your ugly just say you find him sexually unattractive. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses.
@In.love.with.him: I would never suggest that anyone get cosmetic surgery. Hell, I can't even bring myself to talk about this to anyone besides strangers on the internet because I feel so bad about feeling this way. I was just trying to say that my lack of attraction is not due to the way he dresses or grooms himself and therefore there isn't anything that can be done to change his appearance.
I am in love with his personality but without any sexual attraction we're basically just really good friends. I don't want to leave him at all... if I could think of a way to get past this lack of attraction. Aside from that, he's basically everything I would want in a guy.
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (6 June 2012):
Wow I'm sorry but that is rude suggesting someone should get plastic surgery especially someone whom you dated twice. Don't we fall in love with personality not looks that's why we have sex not the other way around.
I do think you should be honest with him if you really loved him you would as to why your leaving. I dated a guy who thought I was "chubby and should wear make up" even though I get complimented on my skin often and never wear make up. It's funny so I broke up with him but I applaud him for being honest but hey one day someone is going to tell him he is ugly and he is going to get offended. It's best to come out and say it though he might laugh at you... :)
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 You cannot build a life with someone without some sexual chemistry. Trust me on this one. If you are already somewhat repulsed by the thought of kissing him spells disaster if you got married. It's hard enough to keep the spark when you're wildly attracted to someone, much less starting out with a fizzle. You can still be friends but you should not get married. Take it from someone who knows, you'll just wake up one day 10 years later and then realize it's over. Much more painful. Do it now. He'll recover.
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