A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck and don't know what to do.Two years ago I met my current boyfriend(?) He wanted us to get married and for me to live with him and his parents. I agreed but when I met his parents they were horrible to me and my family. Basically they wanted a daughter-in-law to look after them and I wasn't right for them.He told me he doesn't love me enough to marry me and move in with me.We carried on seeing each other and to cut a long story short, his parents have found someone else for him to marry. He told me he is going ahead with the marriage just to please his parents and will continue the life of a single man (one-night stands etc.) The way he sees it is that he has to do what's right by his parents.I don't agree with what he is planning to do to his future wife. I have told him that he should get married for the right reasons and not to please his parents but he is adamant.Aside from all of that I have no idea what I'm going to do when the man I love marries someone else. This is not the first time this has happened to me. My first love left me when I was in my 20s to marry someone his parents had chosen and it broke my heart. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello AuntyEm, Spunky Monkey, Sageoldguy and female anonymous.
Many thanks to you all for your thoughtful advice. Of course I should count myself lucky that I didn't marry this man. I have realised how immature he is and whilst I would NEVER ruin someone else's life the way he intends to, if that's what he wants to do, that's his choice.
I've given you all maximum stars!
Thanks again xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): there's nothing for you to do now except to move on from him and find someone else who is available. this guy just has a different set of values from you. You can't argue nor convince someone who simply lives by different values and has different priorities from you. You feel that what he's doing is wrong. Well, he feels with equal strength of conviction that what he's doing is right. You can't argue with that. who is to say that you're right and he's wrong? it could just as well be said that you were 'wrong' for rejecting his parents because if only you had gone along with them he would have chosen to marry you. But you know you could not do that. Well, equally he cannot marry you against his parents' wishes.And since his decision is completely at odds with any possibility of carrying on a relationship with you, therefore you just have to move on and forget about him. I'm sorry it has come to this, but HE made this decision to live his life without you, all you can do is to find a new man because clearly he's not the one for you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 If'n I were you... I would count my Blessings that I didn't go any further in my "romance/marriage" with this guy....
Perhaps this drama is a result of something like culture/religion (as the first responder said).... or, maybe, it's come about because your "B/F's" parents have total control over him....
Either way... you're better off looking elsewhere for a man for a lifetime relationship.....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes Aunty Em they are Muslim and so am I. I understand the muslim culture of arranged marriage etc as I had a (failed) arranged marriage myself.
My boyfriend also has a failed arranged marriage and a child so I can't understand why he would go through it again?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Are these men you date muslim or sikh? If they are, I think you have to accept that it's their culture and that is likely to happen.
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