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female
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*vanna22
writes: my boyfriend is going away to florida for a week with his friend who is turning 21. They're going to stay at his other friend's apartment when they get there. We've been together for three months now and i do love him a lot but i don't think it's right that he's going to florida to party for a week and didn't even invite me. Him and his friend planned this a long tima ago before we started dating and that's why he can't cancel it anymore. H esaid he didn't invite me cuz this is just with him and his friends. He swears to me he won't cheat on me ever and that if i'm gonna break up with him cuz of this then he will cancel the trip but i can't make him do that cuz i'm gonna feel like the biggest ass hole and i don't want him to feel like he's handcaffed. I'm thinking i'm gonna break up with him but i'm scared to make a mistake. What do i do? he's leaving january 14th and coming back the following tuesday. Please help. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): You need to grow up. He explained why he is going and still that is not enough for you. You can't have a relationship and think that he is yours only. He has friends, family etc...Let him go. A week flies quickly and learn to trust him.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 The key to a good relationship is providing an environment that promotes growth for yourself and your partner. This makes a situation where everyone feels fulfilled. Fulfilled people don't seek attention outside the relationship (usually). You are not allowing him to grow. You're trying to stifle his life experiences. You can not stop him from doing reasonable things because it scares you. This is a chance for you to deal with your fears. He will not be a happy man if you try to control him. The more controling you become, the less attractive you become. The more attractive other, less stifling women become.
The things you fear can happen any where. There will always be other females in life. Some will be beautiful, others not. Some will be fat, skinny, nice, mean flirtatious etc. Do you see? You can not control that by clamping down on him. What you're doing actually is punishing him for potential crimes he has not committed. How long do you think he'll be happy paying that price.
You fears are understandable on the surface. Your control measures will not help.
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female
reader, raq  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Hes only 21, he is entitled to have holidays with his friends. You have an insecurity problem, which will ruin all your relationships. If hes the right one, he wont cheat on you. Why dont you go on holiday with your mates? i suggest you get a bit real or either wise you will be on your own. Try paige parker website " dating without drama" it might make things make more sense to you sweetie. We all need space to grow x
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (27 December 2007):
Hi,
Is this perhaps more a trust issue than you feeling bad about him not inviting you I wonder?
You say you dont want to make him feel handcuffed, so whats the problem? He swears he wont cheat, you love him, let him have some fun. Its only a week, he can call you when he's there so you can both still talk. I suspect his friend just wants to be able to relax around your boyfriend without having to mind his 'please and thank-yous'.
How would you feel if your boyfriend insited coming on a girly night out with you, and threatened to break up with you if you didnt let him?
Unless you have any real proof he's up too somthing, let him have some fun.
X
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