A
female
age
30-35,
*xloopyloo123xx
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months and im totally in love with him. we spend every day together and we know each other inside out. however hes going off to uni in september and its hitting me hard. i spend every day crying when hes not around just thinkin about it. like how am i going to cope with such a huge part of my life not with me every day. i just dont know what to do with myself. im happy for him and every thing im just so scared of being without him. is there anything that could help me to deal with things and stop crying... ive had a chat with his mum and she just says cry... but thing is im so emotional about it all and i really dont wanna show these feelings towards him as i dont want him to not go off to uni. help!! thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): if someone loves you with all their heart then they most probably wouldnt have decided to move so far away. And if they have, if they love you nothing will change the was they feel about you.trust is a big issue but learning to live your life without them in it all the time is een harder. trust me i know! everywhere i go im always reminded of my boyfriend of 2and a half years!try and see eachother as much as you can and let him know all the time how you feel, just dnt sound over keen let him make more of an effort, afterall he is the one who moved away.good luck xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Hey, I'm probably in the exact same situation as you. My boyfriend who is a year older is off to uni on the 24th september. We both live in spain, and it's going to be extremely hard as he is going to be studying in England. At the beginning I really didn't think about it, but as time has progressed it's really started to hit me. I started college last week and it really hurt as he wasn't there, and it was a massive change, I cried the whole day nearly! These past couple of weeks have definitely been emotional. We constantly have talks about what is going to happen. But we have decided to stay together. I know that this is going to be a huge change for the both of us, as he is starting lets say a new chapter in his life. However, I still want to be a part of it. And although, we do have a very intimate relationship, (as we always see each other most of the time) this will also be a huge difference. Im fully aware of the consequences that can happen and would hate for the relationship to end badly, but I'm willing to take the risk as I do love him alot. I just don't feel it should end, just like that. The best advice I can give, from my point of view, is to try and see him regularly. For me its a bit hard, but at unis they generally start in october finishing in december so try and see him maybe once or twice during those months, and get introduced to his flat mates. Also, you maybe looking at unis around this time to so maybe go around england with him so he can show you around! See him at christmas. Then once maybe from january to march. They have a month off for easter... then around 2 months till summer! Also, set a time to talk on skype! And just be positive.. if you both truly want it to work, it will!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half, and spend nearly every single day together, were eachothers first loves and were both really happy together, but i´ve just moved to spain as part of my gap year and hes about to go off to uni. at first we decided we were going to break up because neither of us liked the idea of a long distance relationship, but as soon as i got here we spoke and both said we wanted to stay together. its now 6 weeks later and he´s coming out to see me in a few days, but i cannot tell you how hard its been, i was so upset to begin with and crying down the phone to him and just didnt know what to do with myself because i was so used to seeing him all the time and i hated not being able to, but i could tell he was getting a bit fed up lol, so i spoke to my mum and she told me not to keep going on at him about stuff like that because at this age boys just really dont want to think about it they just want to have a good time with u, so im trying to just stay positive and get on with things but it is very hard and i think ill feel worse when he goes to uni, but theres nothing i can do about it and neither can you when your boyfriend goes. the worst thing for me is that i just want us to be how we were before i went away and i feel like were ruining our relationship, but you can´t put your life on hold for someone and i think thats why its really important to make sure that one person isnt your whole world if u get what i mean. im going back home in december and i hate the thought of being on my own with my boyfriend miles away, but i think ill just have to focus on other things in my life, like my friends who i totally neglected before i went away. and for you r u at school, if u are focus on your studies because i didn´t and i really regret it. and to be honest if u do end up breaking up because hes at uni then i think you probably would of anyway, and it makes me feel better to think that everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be its meant to be and if you do stay together then youll be alot stronger for it, hope this helped xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I'm a school girl about to do my A levels and my boyfriend is planning to go back to university in a few weeks. We met up in the summer and at first we decided that the complication of him moving back to university would make it very difficult for us to start a relationship. However, after a while we decided that what we had wasnt a "one off".All I can say to your situation is that you and your boyfriend can find a way to be together if you can accept that there will be alot of substantial changes. When Jack asked me to be his girlfriend I was well aware of the fact that he could and may even still fall for someone else at university, along with all the other complications that long distance relationships bring. These facts do hurt, but I then think of his happiness and this may sound very cliche- but I value his happiness more than my own. This is what keeps me going, knowing that what ever happens, I will still be there for him and he will be there for me.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Im sorry to say, but its just something you have to grow up and get on with. I know it sounds harsh, but he is only going away to university. It isnt the end of the world.
Just count your lucky stars he isnt in the army and going away for a long time to fight, with no guarentee of coming back.
Yes you are sad/upset and are going to miss him, but you really need to get this into some perspective. You cannot live in each others pockets for the rest of your life. You both need space to grow and develop.
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female
reader, xxloopyloo123xx +, writes (19 August 2009):
xxloopyloo123xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question i can see us together in 40 years time... im in college not school. and i love him with all my heart and trust him 100% i just dont wanna end up drowning my sorrows every night i want to be able to still live my life... i just dont know how at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Firstly, this post isnt going to be advice- sorry, but i'm sure there will be many other posts full of advice on how to cope... and you can always look up advice on the internet, talk to friends & fam etc. :)
All this is going to be is simply my story...
One of my best friends (17) is in similar situation to you. (In her past... she's had heaps of short-term boyfs that have all basically either just used her for sex, cheated on her and then dumped her or got dumped, or she just went out with them for the sake of having a boyf.)
She has now had a PROPER boyf for about 8 months and they have never cheated on each other, gotten through their many arguments and say they truly love each other.
However... he will be leaving for uni soon. He had previously considered staying because of her- but she'd told him she doesnt want to be selfish and wants him to be able to go and do what he planned. He then wanted to try for a long distance relationship as they would still be within ferrying+roadtripping or an affordable plane trip away from each other. But she feels it wouldnt work with the distance as she's a very 'needy' person. So it seems they will just have to break up. She tells me she cries nearly every night about it and she's cried on the phone and in person to her boyf a few times too- and he has been very loving and consoling.
Another of my best friends (also 17) has had her boyf for a good year and a bit. They were good friends for ages before they got together and are each other's first love.
He is also moving a fair way away for uni. She is moving too- in the opposite direction. She wants to try for a LDR, but he isnt so sure about it and has sais he feels they have different paths ahead- which was pretty crushing for her obviously. She tells me she cries every night about it and even has in person with him a few times- with which he couldve been more consoling about.
And then me (17)...
I had my boyf for about 1 and 1/2 years. We were each other's first with everything (love, sex etc.) and started going out basically from the day we first met.
We live about a 10-15 minutes jog away from each other. I know this because I used to jog over to his from mine as part of my training.
About two months ago after many arguments, misunderstandings, disappointments and let-downs on both sides, I suggested we break up- secretly wanting him to argue and fight for me back. At first he sort of did- but then just as I was letting him back in again- he dumped me. So that makes him my ex-boyf now. I was crushed. He did it in person. Both of us cried- him a lot more. The following 2-3 days, I begged for him back. But he wouldn't take me back. I'd never cried so much in my life.
We still live a 10-15 mins job away from each other and will both be staying in the same city and attending unis practically right next to each other though we might not even stay friends, while my two best friends boyfs are moving far away- and one wants to try for a LDR while the other seems ready to move on.
Who has it worst? I wonder...
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 August 2009):
I know its a tough thing when your childhood sweetheart suddenly goes off into the big wide world and leaves you behind. Im guessing you are younger than him and still at school?This is a big time of change for both you and him. He has to grow up, man up and stand on his own two feet, and so do you. Adult relationships are all about trust, and communication, and support. Your boyfriend is going to go through a massive change in the next few months, and you will probably see a very big difference in him. In the way he acts, thinks, behaves. He will grow as a man, and as an individual. You have to be there to support him, but you also have to understand, that he will be exposed to a whole new way of life. He may well want to completely change the way he lives HIS life, and that may not include you. I know you probably do not want to hear this, but he will be surrounded by a new set of people, from all over the country, and the world, all of his age and older, mixing together. He is going to be meeting lots of new women, who are right there under his nose. Can you cope with this, are you likely to get jealous and clingy? He is going to go off to uni, whether you cry your eyes out or not. He is not going to give up the opportunity of studying at university because his girlfriend is getting all emotional that he is leaving - he may actually run away faster, as men have a hard time dealing with that kind of thing. A high proportion of school relationships do not survive the transition to university due to the separation, and the sudden change in social circles. Having a clingy girlfriend who is younger at home may well become a more important factor in your relationship. While you were at school, this wasnt a problem, you saw each other every day, but at university this can become a serious issue. You may be one of the lucky ones, and your relationship is strong enough to go through 3 years apart, but YOU have to be strong enough and mature enough to realise that this may be the make or break time for you as a couple. I know he is a massive part of your life, and I truely do know how much you hurt, but can you really see yourself with this boy for the next 40 years? You will have other boyfriends, and you will break up, but do not let your life revolve around them. Your boyfriend should be a happy and wonderful addition to your life, not the soul purpose for you to get up in the morning. This is a turning point for you where you have to start looking at relationships as an adult, not a love struck teenager.I do hope it all works out for you, and wish you luck :)
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