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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and I are both in our twenties and he is going bald. i am having a difficult time adjusting to it as I am just not attracted to bald men. We have been together for 5 years, and while I do love him, it's making me see him in a completely different light. I just can't imagine myself married to a bald man. I know how shallow it seems, but no matter how hard I try I can't get used to it, and it's affecting my sexual and physical attraction to him. I have explained how I feel to him, but neither he nor I know what to do to fix this. I am just so frustrated at myself and this situation, and I really want to change how I feel but I can't seem to. Should I end our relationship over this, or is there something I can do to fix this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): I looooove bald men! But you know what I love even more than bald men? I love the person I chose to love, regardless of how their physical appearance changes over the years. Whatever physical features the person I love has, I have naturally learned to love, and I see as perfect. I don't think you really love someone if a change in a physical feature really affects your attraction to them. I am attracted to the whole aura of a person, not an isolated feature. How do couples stay married and in love for years? One day your breasts will sag, your stomach will be stretched from pregnancy, you will get wrinkles around your eyes, you may gain weight...how do you think someone will stay attracted to you?If you don't understand this, I don't think you have really experienced what love is. And I know this post was from a long time ago, so you've probably dumped the guy by now. I hope you have, so that he could go out and find one of the many girls who love bald men!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): I don't understand it when people keep saying that you are shallow and you need to go to hell and etc. Unfortunately when it comes to physical attraction, you are blamed for shallowness (especially when a woman is having the physical attraction issue). Physical attraction is not definitely everything, but it sure is crucial. The majority of the responses here are not helpful. They all seem to attack you or blame you for asking such a question. Ok people come down and let's not get defensive and try to come up with a helpful answer instead. Physical attraction is beyond anyone's controls. It happens naturally and fades that way also. Human brain is a little complex when it comes to that. You are not attracted to bald men. There is nothing wrong with that and you should not be blamed for that since it's beyond your control. Some men are attracted to heavy women, some women are attracted to black men only,some like short, some like tall. We all have different taste. I believe that a couple should work hard to look good for each-other at all times. It helps the spirit, the emotional, and physical aspects of life and guess what? If you think that there are more important things in life that taking care of your appearance you are a complete ignorant. Taking care of your physical appearance is just as important. I don't know why we keep talking about shallowness when it comes to appearance while everything is based on your appearance such as professionalism, confidence, success, beauty and etc. don't we all love looking at people that are well dressed, beautiful, have pretty hair or nails? We just enjoy looking at pretty things. We all do and we try to deny it. So I believe that if your bf is balding see if he is interested in a transplant. If yes then maybe you can help him pay for it since it's too expensive ( if you wanna get it done right and natural). We r in 2015 and fortunately have tools to enhance our appearance. If you are overweight please stop over eating and hit the gym hard and don't be lazy with full of excuses. We all have to work hard to keep the other partner excited and attracted to us. After all you are the one that is going to be looking at him/her and sleep with him. More attraction is equivalent to more fun and pleasure. There is always other ways like change your boring wardrobe, wear more makeup. Men shave if your women are not attracted to hairy men or (lazer hair removal) is now available, again, We r in 2015 for gods sake and technology has improved for some of these reasons ). Your good appearance will make your sole more happy which leads to better health as well. Look at all the Breast implants we have post breast cancer mastectomy. Thank god to plastic surgery. My point here is that please Guys lets not get so defensive when it comes to looks while we know we all care about looks and attraction unless we are in denial . One more thing, I don't understand you getting attacked so badly as a she while men dump great beautiful women every second out there because they are not attracted to them anymore and they want something different. Again, I believe that if there are ways to enhance appearance we should use those resources. If there was never any attraction in a relationship the relationship will lack that for ever and needs to end. However, if there was initial attraction and it's fading, the couple need to work hard to increase that attraction. I believe that it goes both ways. You look good for him, he looks good for you. We are just talking about one aspect of relationship here ( physical attraction) so please let's stay focused on that and try to improve that instead of bringing other aspects into the table. We are not taking about compatibility,intelligence, honesty, or other good qualities in a healthy relationship. We are trying to focus on one aspect/part of a relationship so let's stay focused on that.
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reader, wild_krrd  +, writes (27 March 2011):
So lemme see if I got this straight: You love this guy but the fact he is losing his hair is pushing you away, and you want to know how to feel different? Forget it. You already have the notion that bald men are inferior programmed into you. Your better off just leaving him and finding a guy who does all the things he does for you, plus will never lose his hair (good luck with that).
And you're absolutely right: You're INCREDIBLY shallow.
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reader, D.B. +, writes (13 January 2011):
Excuuuuuuuse me, but I lost my hair at a very young age as both my brothers and my father did and all are very happily married. Going bald is a guy thing that can't be helped or cured and about 1 out of every 3 of us suffer from hair loss sooner or later. I firmly believe that you really don't love your B/F, I think you are a very shallow and self centered young lady and if I were him and you told me that, I would tell you to "Hit the bricks, there's the door and don't let it hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!!" Better change your ways and thinking about men or you will surely die an old maid!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): If you were facing breast cancer and a double mastectomy, and your boyfriend left you because he wants a woman with breasts, how would you feel?
Well, that's kind of how your boyfriend feels. Trust me on this: no man wants to go bald, and no woman wants breast cancer. Yet it happens.
You have yet to figure out some things in life. Being in your twenties means you have a whole bunch of disappointments, letdowns, and experiences you'd rather not have ahead of you. A bald boyfriend is the least of your worries.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): As a bald-headed gentleman I actually sympathize with the OP believe it or not. If you are not physically attracted to a person, there is no point to the realtionship. You are wasting both people's time. Follow your heart instead of societal pressure. I do think the OP needs to be prepared for the same thing to happen to her and not be hypocritical about it. As for her BF, there will never be a shortage of baldie lovers out there. Please set him free so he can get the most out of his life!
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reader, cabby1958  +, writes (2 October 2010):
If I were your B/F and you told me about your feelings towards my balding and having a difficult time adjusting to the situation, I would get the F*** out of the relationship.You are superficial and looking for an excuse to end it.Yes , I hope you do meet a man ( or in your case many ) with a head of hair that will treat you the way you deserve* and perhaps then you will realize hair does not guarantee happiness. I am sure your B/F will end up being the victor once he has left you.*Sarcasm intended for lack of intellegence .
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reader, layman +, writes (6 April 2010):
I put it to you- would you think it fair if your BF broke up with you because you gained 30kg? or even 10kg? Hair loss is not preventable. There are ways of slowing it down, but it's inevitibility, so totally not your man's fault in the end.
However, gaining weight is VERY PREVENTABLE. But look up how many dear cupid questions ask about fat girlfriends, and the majority of (mostly female) respondents are horrified that the guy even thought such a thing!
Now, I am writing because I'm losing my hair (at age 27). Mostly due to job stress. I'm doing everything I can to slow it down - I'm on all sorts of treatments, but in the end it will happen. And my head isn't that pretty either - not misshapen, but big. No delicate baldness for me.
If my gf broke up with me once I'm bald, I would know why. I make a point of excelling in every other aspect of our relationship, and our communication is great.
In fact, it's far more likely that I'll break up with her. And not *because* she's gaining weight, but because SHE WILL DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. She initially promised to, but through years of inaction, sagging skin and folds of fat, I am finally tired of her sitting on the couch stuffing her face with chocolate every day.
Now think (yes, use the thing between your ears, and I don't mean your mouth)- can you invent a reason for ending your relationship that sounds plausible? Because if he or anyone else even catches whiff of your shallowness regarding his unfortunate hair loss, you can kiss goodbye to any friendships you had with any of his friends, family etc. Everyone will hate you, except your own shallow friends and any one else who is shallow enough to forgive you because they want to sleep with you.
And remember this too: you aren't getting younger. After age 30, most shallow women regret how many bridges they burnt in their younger prettier days, and this makes them bitter and resentful. And nobody likes a bitter old granny, do they?
I've been watching questions like this and others for a while. It's interesting to see the various reactions from people. I know it's a biased sample of respondents, since most moderate people wouldn't reply, but the polarisation of opinions is staggering - it seems the ratio of a**holes to angels is 90:10. Consider my presence here an atttempt to preserve that ratio.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I believe a person should always like what they look at, but no matter how you spin it, physical appearance is a very shallow attribute on which to base a relationship.
I'm assuming if the following situation happened, a woman would lose her mind...
SItuation: Married couple has a baby. The wife must have a cesarean section. Because of the resulting scar and sagging breasts, the husband doesn't like the appearance of his wife anymore. As a result, he ends up leaving her.
Balding, gaining weight, sagging breasts... if these or any other physical changes ultimately change the way you feel about a person, you don't care about the person - you care about their appearance. And physical appearances, of course, are always transient.
If this is the case, accept it. You'll be happier and you can move along with your life because you know what you are looking for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I believe a person should always like what they look at, but no matter how you spin it, physical appearance is a very shallow attribute on which to base a relationship.
I'm assuming if the following situation happened, a woman would lose her mind...
SItuation: Married couple has a baby. The wife must have a cesarean section. Because of the resulting scar and sagging breasts, the husband doesn't like the appearance of his wife anymore. As a result, he ends up leaving her.
Balding, gaining weight, sagging breasts... if these or any other physical changes ultimately change the way you feel about a person, you don't care about the person - you care about their appearance. And physical appearances, of course, are always transient.
If this is the case, accept it. You'll be happier and you can move along with your life because you know what you are looking for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I love bald men.I think they are ultra sexy and are amazing in bed.I asked my guy to go completely bald for me ever since he started losing his hair.I haven't been able to keep my hands off him from the time he has gone completely bald.I am extremely lucky to have found a bald guy coz thats what turns me on.Does it make me shallow as I don't like guys with hair?NO. Because you don't like bald guys you should do what feels right for you.That doesn't mean you are shallow.My guy hates big boobs.He says it makes him want to puke.That doesn't make him shallow either.We all like what we like.Its better to be honest with ourselves and live our lives happily.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): My female friends complain to me all the time about the mean and shallow tendencies of men. However, something like this comes along and simply saying "I know it's shallow, but..." is supposed to make it better or understandable. Either A) realize and accept that you are being shallow, and that you are possibly a much shallower person than you may have liked, or B) realize it's not important, because it's not.
Yes, you want to like what you see, but hair is very similar to breast size. You would hate a man if he ended a relationship with you because your "tits were too small," right? Besides, your body is going to change someday too, Princess. Learn to look a little deeper or you may end up with a real winner. (that last comment was laced with sarcasm, if you were having trouble with it.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): just buy him a wig and forget the problem he will save a fortune on haircuts.but you would still expect him to love you if your hair fell out wouldnt you? sounds like an excuse to get out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): After reading some of these posts on here, goes to show the true shallow nature of women, yet men are labeled as the "shallow" ones. These are some pretty disgusting posts,but hey if breaking up with your man cause he's losing hair and moving on to the next is how u feel go for it by all means, just remember karma is a bitch. Next man you fall for might end up dumping you in your breast saggy breast, wrinkled, Susan Sommers 5 pounds of make up stage for another woman more "youthful" looking.
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reader, Anonymous27  +, writes (19 June 2009):
I'm in a similar situation except I'm actually married to the balding guy. We knew each other for eight years before we married and he actually showed signs of balding the year he popped the question. It was not much hair loss and I thought to myself that it should not matter if I really love him. Truth be told, his hair loss progressed steadily since then. I'm not against ball men, actually I find some bald guys very sexy. I just do not think the baling suits my husband. His head and face are very big and his head is very flat at the back, plus his ears stick out. So even if he shaves off all of his hear all you see is a big head and big ears. He also has scars from his acne on his face so his face is very pitty. What really gets me though is that I asked him to see a professional about his hair loss a few years before we married but he refused. He said that I was shallow and he did nothing and it just got worse. Like you I want to feel different, I want to be attracted to him. But I am not. I do still love him but I hardly ever want to kiss him or even make love. I just find him that unattractive. Now I am even seeing phsical flaws in him I never saw before. I keep trying to see pass it and I wonder if I am shallow. I've asked hom to try to get dermabrasion or get a wig or even build a little muscle to see if that would stimulate some attration but he is not intersted. He has more important things to do right now in his life he says. Honestly, if I knew I would feel this way now, I probably would not have gotten married. It is so bad that I am not taking my health seiously and am starting to pack on the pounds. I figure if he does not want to look his best for me, why should I look good for him. I know this is wrong and is dangerous for my health but I feel so depressed about the situation. At least you can try and see if you get over it and you are free to leave the relationship if you don't, but I am basically stuck. Who ever heard of a divorce on the grounds of their husband balding? I wish there was a way out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): I know how you are feeling. My boyfriend went through the same problem 3 years ago.It was very hard on him, I just kept telling him that it didn't matter, because what I felt for him didn't change. He just couldn't bring himself to accept it and one day I was watching a documentary on TV about evolutionary theories and they considered various views on human characteristics and behavior. On that show they exposed the problem on the male mind when suffering from baldness. They tend to go through a lot of insecurity, some of them can never get over it. They said that when a man loses his hair, it is to distinguish him from other males, who haven't lost their hair and so they are more fertile and desirable to ensure an healthy offspring. I just realized that they were correct but though I still loved my boyfriend very much, he eventually went completely bald over time and it was quiet fast. I never felt quiet the same towards his image and lost all my interest in him, I never even considered dating a bald man. His insecurity didn't fade and I broke up with him, I just couldn't be around him anymore.If you love your boyfriend, stick with him and support him if he feels insecure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): I know how you feel. I just started noticing this in my boyfriend...we are both 25 and have been dating for three years and lately it seems like the hair on the top of his head is thinning dramatically. I brought it up with him and he doesn't think it's true and claims that I'm making it up. Ever since I noticed it I've been acting funny around him and am fearing that I'll no longer be attracted to him. Baldness shouldn't be a deal-breaker if you love him, but it would also be ridiculous to say that sexual attraction doesn't matter in a relationship. This is how I'm approaching it: (1) There are other things that I find sexy in him, and I want to focus on those in the event that he goes bald. (2) We are both going to become unattractive eventually, so this is potentially a problem we will both have to learn how to deal with! (3) I imagine that a lot of the fear and negative feelings I have right now are from the "shock" of starting to notice the balding...i.e. I think over time I'll get over it. I have faith that with time this won't be a big a deal as it is now. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck in figuring things out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): do you not love the inside of him as well as the outside forget that hes losing his hair how would you feel if you got cancer and lost all your hair and he didnt want to be with you because you were bald. remember the good times you had and still are having forget the fact he is going bald. for his birthday or v-day got get him hair transplant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Hi
Well thats not your fault if you are not attracted to bald men...but that meens you are only interested in your boyfreinds outward appearence then? many men are so attractive with no hair..
via con dios.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): my boyfriend of 5yrs is bald and was when we met,looking at past pics of him with hair i can definately say i wouldnt have looked at him twice,being bald made him so much more attractive and sexy dont act in haste you may just regret your decision alot of women are attracted to bald men and no boubt he will be snapped up very quickly
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reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (19 January 2009):
 well i had this problem awhile back also. i just shaved off what little bit of hair he did have left and had him grow out a gotee. he got a make over from me. if your boyfriend does not want to do that then just ask him to wear a hat or a cowboy hat. hats are cool. but even though it is shallow, you want and like what you want and like. its sad for him and he cannot help it. if you gained weight or your hair fell out wouldnt you expect him to accept you? its about how good he treats you and if hes a good boyfriend in all other areas i would cut him some slack and deal with it and like i said try to make it work.
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